Let me start by telling you that I’m dating a 30 year old guy and I’m 22. We have been dating 2 years. I have absolutely no problems with this relationship. I love this guy to death. Here’s his problem with the relationship. I am his first girlfriend ever. I am his first kiss. First sex partner. First everything. He met me online and the other girls he got close to were talking on the phone and IM chatting when he was looking for girls to date online. He picked me to date and basically he only talked to 2 other women before me on the phone and online and we’ve got to this point. He always talks about regrets and how he just got into the dating scene when he just met me and how he was just getting started with the whole thing. Here’s my background. I have had lots of boyfriends starting from age 14 to present. I’ve had 5 sex partners including him. I’ve had way more experience with going out to places than him. He talks about how he feels sad he never got to experience another girlfriend or sex with other women. He feels sad he’s never been to a bar or club or kissed another woman. I feel sorry for him, but only so much. He had all that time before 28 years old to experience all those things before me. I wish he could have done it before he met me because now I feel mad that he feels that way. I want to marry this guy and everytime I talk of marriage he says he’s not even thinking of that right now…probably after 35!! I don’t want him to go out and experience all these things. He’s mine. I want him to be stuck with me. I’m very selfish and I want him all to myself now that I found him. He had his time and he never used it. Tough luck! He’s so distraught he’s going to start seeing a psychiatrist. Am I selfish to think this way? What would you do in my situation?
In my opinion, you’re screwed. Regret turns into resentment faster than…than…a really fast thing.
If you try to trap (marry) him, he’ll either dump you, or marry you and then dump you, or marry you and cheat on you.
I’m with the Spongess on this one. On the other hand - if he didn’t get any in his first 28 years, what makes him think he’s suddenly going to be any more succesful at it now if he DID break it off with you?
He didn’t go out much or have any friends. He says if he would have had friends that went to clubs or bars he would feel comfortable going with them, but he never did. He said if we broke up he would just stay in his bedroom doing nothing, like always.
I forgot to add that I’m comfortable just being his girlfriend. I know I always talk about marriage with him to let him know he’s the one I would like to marry, but I’m in no hurry. I could wait maybe 5 years…or more 
…maybe you just go with the flow then. You’re 22, for heaven’s sake. Hardly in a hurry to get hitched. Just ride it our and see what happens… Maybe he’ll come around.
I’m not trying to be mean, but he’s a mama’s boy. He’s 30 and he still lives at home. His mother washes his clothes for him, washes his sheets and pillowcases. She still cooks dinner. He likes being at home, which is a very comfortable situation for him. I think maybe he was a little too sheltered in life. His brothers are going through the same thing as him. His 21 year old brother still hasn’t dated a woman and his mother baby’s him too. I don’t know if this has anything to do with him not dating until he was 28?
Gee…do you think? Frankly, the whole family sounds a little creepy. I can understand sharing room and board with one’s family – it can be very practical, even if it’s not “cool” in the U.S. for some crappy reason or other – but there’s a huge difference between adult children having close relations with their family and adults who have no interest in managing their own affairs, in addition to being relatively unsocialized.
Anyway, if you want to get hitched, and he doesn’t, for whatever reasons, and you know that he knows that you know, this is in general very bad news for a relationship, IMO. If I were you, I’d say to myself, “Too bad about his condition, whatever it might be; I tried to be the one for him, and he just didn’t want me. Oh well.” Some people just don’t get it, some people have weird ideas about marriage, some people are just hanging onto the fringes. At least you’ve got your youth. What else can you do?
Ding ding ding, ladies and gentlemen, we have a DEALBREAKER!
Run for your life, my dear. You are never going to be as good as dear old mum, he’s still tied to the apron strings. You need a man. This ain’t it. Get out before it’s too late.
I’d run like the wind from this guy. He may be nice, smart, hot, or whatever, but there is something wrong with a guy who prefers living at home with an overbearing mother. You don’t need to saddle yourself with someone like this.
Adding to the chorus: RUN.
Not only should you run, but it would be nice if you could go back in time two years and never even go out with him. I have not cite or anything, but I would be willing to guess that this sort of situation NEVER works out the way you’re hoping it will. Well, okay, rarely.
Prehensile, my advice is to get a whole lot of gone between you and him. You have described a perfect loser and please believe, you do NOT want to get weighted down with him.
He’s going to suck you into his cesspool. Run. Now.
This man obviously does not want to get married. He will continue putting it off, and putting it off. When he turns 35, it is not going to be some magical number where suddenly he’ll be ready for marriage. He won’t. He’s gone this long hanging on to momma’s apron strings, he is NOT going to change unless…
You leave him, and he realises he’s really in love with you. Then he’ll have to jump through hoops of flame to prove he’s willing to be marriage material - moves out of momma’s house, and plans to help out as a husband and lover.
If he’s whining about not kissing other women or sleeping with other women, drop him. Let him try. Go ahead. If he couldn’t do it before, you probably don’t have anything to get jealous about - it won’t happen. If he’s really in love with you, he will bend over backwards to show you. If he’s got someone else lined up, you are better off without him - he will end up cheating on you if he’s really that whiny about it.
Seriously. By staying with this man, you are sending him signals that it is okay for him to treat you this way, and everyone, men and women alike, deserve better than what you are getting.
Dump him… If he really loves you, and you really love him (and are not just being selfish), it will work out in the end. But first, dump him, then take some time just for yourself. Do things you enjoy, hang out with your friends, don’t wait by the phone for him. You don’t have to cut him out completely, you can remain friends, but don’t jump when he calls. Don’t hang out with him at all for a while. He may *need * this as a wake up call - sometimes you don’t realise what you had until it’s gone. He can’t miss you if you don’t go away. If he doesn’t, or ends up with someone else, then you are doing yourself a huge favour.
It’s very hard to leave someone you are convinced you are in love with. It’s very hard to leave your “comfort zone”. I know, I’ve done it. It’s going to hurt like hell. Just tell yourself these things: you don’t need a partner to be someone, you have to have respect for yourself before your partner can respect you, if he doesn’t want to get married, let him be, and find yourself someone who is more compatible with your wants, and let him find someone more compatible with his. Don’t force someone into marriage if they don’t want to be married. He might prefer to be a swinger - if you don’t prefer that lifestyle, get out now. It’s not fair to either of you to continue this relationship.
All standard disclaimers apply, YMMV, this is only my point of view given the little bit of information I see in front of me, I don’t know you or him or all the nuances, this is just based on what I see written here today. Good luck to you, whether you take my advice or not, and I sincerely hope whatever decision you make is what’s best for you.
What Anastaseon said. Doubled.
Hell yes! Please leave before you end up getting pregnant and start having this guy's kids. If you think his mother is all up in his shit now, you just wait until you start having his babies . RUN!!! :eek:To quote the great sage that is Dan Savage-
Dump
The
Mother
**F****ker
And not that I think you would be tempted *at all * to do this, but don’t even think about ‘accidentally’ getting pregnant in hopes it will cement the two of you forever and force him to grow up. He’s not that much of a man and you will have cursed an innocent child. Again, I don’t think you’d do that but …I’ve seen it done w/ horrific results. You’ve wasted two years w/ a guy who thinks b/c he got you he can do even better and has been looking over your shoulder to see when that better woman is coming along ever since.
Run like the wind and don’t look back.
IMO there is a difference between generally wondering if you can handle being with your current partner forever or not being ready to commit just yet and saying stupid things that suggest you’d swap your current partner for a life of fast women and parties in a heartbeat.
This guy sounds like the latter.
So, do yourself a favour, they say that if you love someone you should set them free, and you should do it.
Either he’ll really enjoy his new life, or he’ll realise what he had with you and want you more. If you know what you’re doing, I’d use the space to decide if you REALLY want take him back if he asks you to.
I wouldn’t.
He might be chronologically 30 years old, but emotionally he’s a toddler. He wants you because you’re young and beautiful and there. He wants to go clubbing, because that’s what the cool kids do. He wants other partners, 'cause more is always better, right? He wants his mommy to keep taking care of him. He wants He wants He wants. What you want is not part of his reality.
He won’t grow up until he has to, which will be when Mom kicks him out or Mom dies. You deserve better than that.