So, I’m a second-year college student. I turn 20 in a week. I’m having a (pretty standard) battle between my parents and growing up. I’ve always avoided conflict, or tried to, for the most part. Unless I’m pissed off with someone.
My dad is…a character. 76 years old, so he’s up there in his years. We’ve compared him to House and also to Archie Bunker. He loves chatting with whoever he meets, and tries to sweet talk them. He also, as my roommate puts it, has a way of belittling people when he meets them too. Pretty arrogant at times. He cusses like a sailor at my mother and myself, and has for as long as I can remember. Our family life has never been what I’d call…quiet, or healthy. He loves to argue with my mother when he has an audience (read: me, or company over). He complains about how she nags him constantly, etc. For perspective, my half-sister has called him a dry drunk; he was once an alcoholic. FWIW, he never got to raise my two half-sisters, and I believe that this has something to do with how he’s clinging to me. He’s one of those people where if it isn’t done his way, it’s the worst thing in the world.
My mother is a sweet but strict woman–she left her high school teaching job because she couldn’t take the stress of the demonic students anymore. Her blood pressure was sky high. She’s in her sixties now She shouldn’t have to put up with the bullshit that she has for the last three decades–from my father, as well as students. She’s given up defending herself when my father makes his rude, crass comments about her figure. He always boasts how he “rides 6 miles on a bike every day.” He’s still a good deal overweight, mind you. But then has the nerve to yell at her and tell her to “get off her fat ass.” She’s overweight too. But she desperately tries to be a kind person, and deserves so much better than my father.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 2.5 years now. We’ve discussed marriage. I asked if there was any chance of making the engagement official sometime soon. He’s said that he doesn’t want to while I’m “trapped” with my parents. We’re long-distance, so it makes breaks difficult. I feel obligated to be two places at once. My mother understands that I enjoy spending time with her and my father, but also that I need to see my boyfriend at times too. My father thinks that I should not be spending time with anyone but my parents. My father’s attitude has earned him a strong level of dislike with my boyfriend. He can barely stand to be in the same house.
(Funny that when I am home, nothing happens. My half-sister has mentioned this, so I’m not just imagining it.)
However, my boyfriend is still very reluctant to make the engagement official while I’m still financially dependent on my parents. Part of me can understand this. My father has a horrible temper. My boyfriend has said he doesn’t want our life together to start out with these problems. That I can understand. But I know I need to have time with my parents at some points. I’m very concerned that they’re up there in age, and I’m scared that I don’t have much time left; their health issues do not ease my mind. I also know I’m at that stage where I need to start making my own decisions about the relationships and directions my life will take on. I hate feeling like I’m in a tug-of-war here.
But the good news is, I feel much better after writing all this down. Thanks for reading/listening/any advice 