Maybe she was homely? I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
But she was beautiful to him and that is part of what he was memorializing, so I think your response was uncalled-for.
Sensitivity, tact, empathy, impulse control, the list goes on. Don’t whine because your inability to read the room got you a warning.
Because crushes typically don’t have anything to do with the actual girl. It’s more about the perceived fantasy of the girl which has no basis in reality other than what limited information a person might have on their crush.
I was going to say the same thing, but I was afraid it was too much of a hijack. Now that someone else has broached the subject, what the heck.
I’ve dated a number of women over the years, I’ve been married twice, I’ve had multiple crushes on women on top of that. I thought that all of them were beautiful. Some of them I’m sure were not what you’d consider to be “conventionally” attractive (and I have had people question why I thought they were attractive), and some were women I myself didn’t find physically appealing until I got to know them better. But all were beautiful.
Physical attraction doesn’t have to be superficial because it’s always subjective. If there were twin sisters that looked totally identical and one of them was always crabby and insulting, cruel, and hated what I liked, and the other was kind and thoughtful and funny and clever, I’d find the second one beautiful and the first one ugly. And I would really mean it, it’s not just a metaphorical statement. Physical attraction is a very emotional thing.
I apologize for the hijack but it’s intended as a very stern rebuttal against those who think that calling a person beautiful is only objectifying that person and enforcing shallow, culture-driven standards of beauty. It doesn’t have to be, and often isn’t. And it most certainly doesn’t justify complete jerk behavior.
You don’t get to decide how other people should feel.
What’s more important here in a MPSIMS thread?
Sensitivity, tact, empathy? or your own private political agenda?
I’ve had crushes on women who were very close friends, and just didn’t reciprocate my feelings. You have your own personal, shallow definition of a crush that you’re projecting onto others. A crush is a “brief but deep infatuation for another person” but does not have to be on someone you don’t know well, or for superficial reasons. A crush often is, but doesn’t have to be.
I’m not arguing how people should feel. My reaction to your feelings is going to vary depending on what it is.
Lately, sexism and misogyny has been a “political agenda” of pretty much everyone on this board. I don’t think KG was being either of those things, but considering the climate of this board, I understand why someone asked the question.
There are all kinds of crushes. Thaty’s not the kind of crush KG was talking about.
Oh, whatever they are, they’re part of life, part of growing up, and part of the heady emotional memories of nostalgia. Whatever point you’re trying to make, is missing the big picture.
I completely agree with the warning.
I remember the tallest kid in our high school. He was pressured to be the center of the basketball team despite not being very good at it. He didn’t like it at all.
Now, what if someone comes along and questions whether I would remember this person if he wasn’t tall, yadda, yadda, yadda?
Um, what?
We remember a lot of people for a lot of reasons. What business is it of Surreal’s to come in and get nasty over someone giving one particular example?
It’s obvious to me some people on this Board have never had a “first crush.”
I still consider my high school sweetheart to be “beautiful” even though she had a BMI of 24.0 – high enough for some people to call “fat.” Would I have still called her beautiful if she was skinny?
And why should anyone on this Board give a damn if I did?
A nudge seems appropriate but a warning seems strong. I’m not convinced it’s thread shitting; maybe just a poor, misplaced attempt at some levity, or maybe not. Maybe it really is a serious question that, while inappropriate, isn’t deliberately making a mockery of the post.
Guy asked for advice. Guy got it. Why would there be a warning?
I just have to say this. OP: In my view, the comment you made was hugely insensitive and completely inappropriate. Your apparent insensitivity and inability to understand the obvious purpose of that thread is not the board’s problem, it’s yours.
I remember reading the OP, and I found it a bit creepy. But it seemed pretty obvious to me that this was the kind of thread where if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all. You shouldn’t need a set of explicit rules to be able to discern that.
Classic threadshit, and I’m glad ppl still get warned about such things. If that happened every time ppl shared some personal tragedy, before long, we won’t be sharing much. Not only was that violating the,“Don’t be a jerk” rule, you were offended enough to be called on it to start a thread and complain you weren’t allowed to threadshit. Amazing.
All my ex’s & crushes were beautiful to me, whether or not they met the western ideal. When I share memories of them, I say they were beautiful. That’s love. Maybe one day you’ll get to experience it.
That’s exactly the same thoughts I had. Which is why I didn’t post.
That being said, I can understand why someone else went there given all that’s gone on here lately.
I think Loach should have considered that and let Surreal off with a mod note instead.
Mean spirited, petty, threadshit.
Totally appropriate warning for being a jerk.
We now have the worst collection of hair-trigger* mods that I’ve seen since I joined. This is just typical of the new normal.
*And most of the time, the hair-triggered gun is pointing in the wrong direction too.
I’ve been here for 16 years. 4,600 posts. Zero warnings.
And in my circle I’m usually considered the jerk who says inappropriate things.
If you really have a problem with the warnings doled out in this group, perhaps you ought to look within.