Bizarro Movies

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here’s a fun little game some buddies of mine came up with…Bizarro Movies.

A Bizarro Movie is a remake of a movie in which every character is played by the original actor’s nemesis from another movie. Sound complicated? It’s not!

Example: Bizarro Lord of the Rings

Gandalf- played by Patrick Stewart
Saruman- played by Yoda

Gandalf was played by Ian McKellan, who played Magneto in X-Men in which his arch nemesis was Pr. Xavier played by Patrick Stewart! Easy and a hell of a lot of fun over a couple of pitchers of beer!

Here’s the rest of our Bizarro LotR:

Sam- The entire starting lineup of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish
Frodo- don’t really remember…what was Elijah Wood ever in, anyway…
Legolas- Geoffrey Rush
Elrond- Keanu Reeves
Arwen- A Giant Fucking Asteroid
Boromir- Pierce Brosnan
Theoden- A Giant Fucking Iceberg
Eomer- huge fucking ghost ship
Galadriel- ugly Indian witch doctor
Gimli- no one could think of anything…maybe a nazi or something
Strider- Demi Moore

I don’t recall what we said for Gollum…it was funny though…

So what other Bizarro movies can we do? Someone name a movie and everyone adds one or two names until we can’t go any further…

2

Hmm…were there drugs or alchohol involved in the conception of this game?

3

Bizarro Star Wars

Luke Skywalker: Kevin Conroy
Han Solo: Sean Bean
Princess Leia: Jason Mewes
Obi-wan Kenobi: Albert Finney
Darth Vader: Arnold Schwarzennegger

… Y’know, after an all-star cast like that, I think I’d probably cast unknowns in the rest of the parts.

Anyone wanna do a Bizarro Kazam starring Kobe Bryant?

4

I don’t understand this one. When was James Earl Jones arnie’s nemesis?
p.s. this will sure be a fun thread to read when I’m sober.

5

[QUOTE=SPOOFEAnyone wanna do a Bizarro Kazam starring Kobe Bryant?[/QUOTE]

If this extends to music I’d rather hear “Can We Rock (What’s Up, Doc?)” rapped by Yao Ming.

6

In Conan the Barbarian.

And as for Bizarro Frodo, I’d say…Macaulay Culkin.

I think Tolkien would have actually risen from the grave to go on a murderous rampage if Culkin got anywhere near LOTR. :smiley:

This is fun.

7

Oh I dunno, they could have saved a fortune on CGI if they’d cast him as Gollum. There is a startling resemblance.

8

Bizarro Spiderman:

Spiderman: J.T. Walsh, the heavy from Pleasantville.
Green Goblin: Tom Berenger, the crazy seargent from Platoon.
Mary Jane: One of the action figures from Small Soldiers
Harry Osborn: I got nuthin’.
Aunt May: Paul Rogers, who starred opposite her as Iago, in a 1955 TV version of Othello.
J. Jonah Jameson: Adewale Akinnuoye-agbaje, who played the radical Muslim inmate on Oz.

9

Surprisingly no, but alcohol did indeed free our imaginations a bit. Another game we came up with was tell a story using one actor and including plots from all his movies (or as many as you can think of. Unless you use someone who’s made lots of big movies or movies your friends are familiar with, it isn’t very funny. Tom Cruise is great for this).

This is one of those things we do when we decide we hate television. Beer and pizza and a little mind-jogging. Bonus points for obscurity and its recognition factor.

10

That’d be Timothy Dalton (Rhys-Davies played a Bond villain…).

Bizarro Blade Runner:

Rick Deckard – Tommy Lee Jones
Roy Batty – John Wood
Rachael – A giant, fucking worm
Gaff – A Cylon
Bryant – Arlo Guthrie
Pris – Uma Thurman
J.F. Sebastian – his brother, Darryl, and his other brother, Darryl
Leon – Bruce Willis
Tyrell – Beau Bridges
Zhora – Jessica Rabbit

11

Bizarro X-Men:

Professor X: Malcom McDowell
Magneto: Christopher Lee
Wolverine: John Travolta
Storm: Sharon Stone
Cyclops: Ethan Embry (this one wasn’t easy)
Jean Grey: Pearce Brosnan (or Treat Williams)
Rogue: Harvey Keitel’s penis
Mystique: Antonio Banderas
Sabretooth: Hulk Hogan
Toad: Johnny Depp

12

Bizarro Raiders of the Lost Ark:

Indiana Jones – Sigourney Weaver
Marion Ravenwood – a handful of failed o-rings
Sallah – Timothy Dalton
Dr. Marcus Brody – Robert Shaw

13

Okay, this is a lot more fun than I thought it’d be.

Bizarro Wild, Wild West:

James West – Vincent D’Onofrio
Artemus Gordon – Brian Dennehy
Dr. Arliss Loveless – Daniel Radcliffe
Rita Escobar – Richard Harris in a lot of makeup
Munitia – Sarah Michelle Gellar

Bizarro Alien:

Dallas – Ted Danson
Ripley – Melanie Griffith
Lambert – Either a bunch of birds or a bunch of plants
Brett – Isaac Hayes
Kane – Richard Burton
Ash – Richard Harris. Or a gold ring.
Parker – Roger Moore

14

Bizarro Pulp Fiction

Vincent Vega - John Sylvester White
Jules Winnfield - A Tyrannosaurus Rex
Butch Coolidge - Matthew Perry
Mia Wallace - David Carradine
Marsellus Wallace - Stitch
Winston ‘The Wolf’ Wolfe - Sylvester Stallone
Capt. Koons - Woody Allen

15

Bizarro Kill Bill!

Starring:
The Bride: Sean Connery
Bill: A giant, flying, carnivorous South American lizard

With the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad:
O-Ren Ishii: Mel Gibson
Vernita Green: A tentacled space alien who knows Windows.
Elle Driver: Harrison Ford
Budd: Johnny Depp

Watch for the cameo by Ian McDiarmid as the piano player!

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Bizarro My Dinner With Andre:

Wally - Andre Gregory
Andre - Wallace Shawn

17

Bizarro Pirates of the Caribbean

Capt. Jack Sparrow: Christopher Walken
Capt. Barbosa: Famke Jenssen
Will Turner: Brian Cox
Elizabeth Swann: Boss Nass
Gov. Swann: Pearce Brosnan (he gets cast in a lot of my Bizarro movies)
Norrington: an undead nazi

18

Close, but the Bizarro Captain Barbosa should be Ben Stiller.

19

Bizarro The Princess Bride

Westley - Richard Lewis
Princess Buttercup - an AIDS virus
Inigo Montoya - Madonna
Prince Humperdinck - The Crypt Keeper
Count Rugen - Michael McKean
Vizzini - Alan Arkin
Fezzik - Hulk Hogan
Miracle Max - Jack Palance

20

Bizarraroo Banzai

Buckaroo - Kurtwood Smith (or a big fucking thing that lives in the ocean)
Lord Worfin - Kevin Bacon
Penny Priddy - Kirsty Alley
New Jersey - Charles Bronson
John Bigboote - Danny DeVito
Professor H - The combination of Charlton Heston/Glenn Ford/Henry Fonda
John Emdall - The Big C
Perfect Tommy - Brion James