Black Adder.

Cafe Society
81

She’s the best!! With an amazing cast to bounce off of. They are all great.

My favourite bits…

Queenie: Orange.

Melchy: I think they were grey your majesty.

Queenie: Orange.

Melchy: I think grey is a more usual colour your majesty.

Queenie: Who’s queen?

Melchy: Very well ma’am. A herd of orange elephants charged over the hill…
And her face wheh she says:

“Lord Pecy, it’s up to you. Either you can shut up or you can have your head cut off…”

Has me in stitches everytime I see it. Please allow me to echo everything that has been said before, series 1 is an aquired taste, watch the others first, they are all fabulous!!

82

Eagghh, I hated series 1. I have the complete series on DVD and I’ve watched series 1 once. And only once.

While I have dear nostalgic fondess for series 3, which we watched ad-nauseum in high school, series 2 is probably the strongest writing. I hope you’ll reconsider as it’s pretty much nothing at all like series 1.

The Christmas special wasn’t so bad, either.

83

“What a poof!”

84

“I love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think of having you executed just to see the expression on your face.”

85

I think it helps to be a history buff and interested in the history of that period to appreciate series 1.

I find myself quoting it a lot, too:

“My life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil’s own satanic HERD!”

“Needs must, when the devil vomits in your kettle”

“The devil vomits on my eiderdown again” (I’m not sure this one is from that episode)

86

“You mean you crap out a window?”
“Yes.”
“In that case, we’ll take it. I can’t stand those newfangled things.”

87

“In that case we’ll definitely take it. I can’t stand those dirty indoor things” actually, if I remember correctly.

88

Add me to the chorus. I haven’t seen series one in a long time, but when I first saw it after a steady diet of Black Adders II and III (which I loved), I too thought “this sucks!”

89

You are correct. From the book;

Mrs. Pants
But what about the privies?

It is clear she is not going to let this one go.

Blackadder
Uhm, well, what we are talking about in privy terms, is the latest in front-wall fresh air orifices combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below.

Mrs. Pants
You mean you crap out of the window?

Blackadder
Yes.

Mrs. Pants
Well, in that case, we’ll definitely take it. I can’t stand those dirty indoor things.

90

I hated season one’s BlackBeanAdder. Atkinson didn’t truly become the Black Adder I found wittily humourous until season two. Season one had it’s moments but, for the most part, it was not good. In fact, I almost didn’t watch season two because I felt season one sucked so badly.

I imagine, however, that the ten people on the planet who could tolerate Mr. Bean without clawing their eyes out in utter despair would have found season one of The Black Adder an absolute hoot.

91

And who can forget:

Bishop (to Molly the prostitute): “I’ve a mind to play Nuns and Novices tonight, so don’t forget your wimple”

and:

Molly: “(Baldrick) treats me like a human being.”
Edmund: “Look, if I wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I’d have gone to bed with Martin Luther!”

And, from the same episode, Hitchhiker’s Simon Jones as Sir Walter “Ooh, what a big ship I’ve got” Raleigh.

92

Perhaps my favorite Black Adder quote of all time:

“They do say, Mrs M., that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head”

93

Blackadder: Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?

Young Crone: That it be! That it be!

Blackadder: “Yes it is”, not “that it be.” You don’t have to talk in that stupid voice to me; I’m not a tourist. I seek information about a wise woman.

Young Crone: The Wise Woman! The Wise Woman!

Blackadder: Yes, the Wise Woman.

Young Crone: Two things, my Lord, must ye know of the Wise Woman.

Blackadder: Yes?

Young Crone: First, she is… a woman! And second, she is…

Blackadder: Wise?

Young Crone: You do know 'er, then!

Blackadder: No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you’ll be getting if you don’t start being a bit more helpful.

94

“Don’t bother, we have the preliminary drawings.”

95

“He was a very perceptive man, was Sir Thomas More.”

96

“You fiend - never before have I encountered such a corrupt and foul-minded perversity. Have you ever considered a career in the Church?”

97

“Here is a purse of monies…”

“Oh, thank you my lord!”

“…that I’m not going to give to you.”

98

OK, I can’t hold back any longer.

Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?
Baldrick: I’d get a little turnip of my own.
Blackadder: So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?
Baldrick: Oh, that’s different. I’d get a great big turnip in the country.

99

And then later:
[Blackadder demands the £400 000 that he’d been given by the Prince]
Baldrick: I haven’t got it.
Blackadder: What?
Baldrick: I spent it.
Blackadder: You spent it? What could you possibly spend £400 000 on?
[Blackadder notices the massive turnip on the table]
Blackadder: Oh, no… oh God, don’t tell me.
Baldrick: My dream turnip.
Blackadder: Baldrick, how did you manage to find a turnip that cost £400 000?
Baldrick: Well, I had to haggle.

100

Blackadder : Tell me do you ever stop bullying and shouting at the lower orders?
Wellington : NEVER! There’s only one way to win a campaign shout, shout and shout again.
Blackadder : You don’t think that inspired leadership and tactical ability have anything to do with it?
Wellington : NO! It’s all down to shouting. WAAGGHH!