I was driving home from skiing yesterday, was bored, and imagining the following scenario entertained me.
I was recently down in the Carribean (close enough, at least) and had a chance to see some cruise ships up close. Those things are * monsters *. I’m pretty sure that my entire small town could fit on one with room to spare. Apparently some of them run 140,000 tons.
So in the spirit of "who would win", what would happen if one day, Blackbeard sailed his Queen Anne's Revenge (300 tons, 20 guns) through a temporal rift and, beset by a shortage of suntan lotion and alcohol, decided to raid a cruise ship?
I'm guessing that the result would be a complete fiasco. If the cruise ship was actively under steam, it would just ignore the pirate ship and vanish over the horizon. Even if anchored, would the 24lb cannon actually make a dent in the cruise ship's hull? Even if they pierced the hull, just how worrying would a few six or twelve inch holes be to a ship the size of the Mall of America? At short range, I doubt the guns could elevate high enough to even hit the cabins. If the pirate ship started doing enough damage to worry the captain, his best tactic would be simply to ram it -- they'd probably just have to repaint the hull afterwards.
Could the pirates even board the cruise ship? From what I recall, the lowest deck of the cruise ship seemed to be about 60 feet above sea level. The pirates would have to come along side and board one-by-one creeping along the spars from the mainmast. So only a surprise attack would work. Once aboard, the tide would probably swiftly turn towards the pirates. But it's not inconceivable that the cruise ship has an arms locker and some security personnel.
How about the aftermath? Barring reopening that temporal rift, an 12 knot getaway isn't very impressive. Which would lead to yet another "vs": Coast Guard Cutter with machine gun vs. 20 gun sailing vessel. Another lop-sided contest.
Considering the threat of some kind terrorist action, cruise ships must have ‘military’ staff on board, I would think. I’ve never heard of any though, but I guess it isn’t something the cruise lines make obvious.
It’s not to say that I think the pirate ship would win, but I’m skeptical of all this talk of ramming – wouldn’t Blackbeard have a huge advantage in terms of manueverabilty? Sure, the QEII is faster, but the frigate can turn MUCH more quickly!
Of course, the multi-story vessel could certainly block ALL of the sailing ship’s wind, once it was close enough. (How close would it have to get? My geometry’s not good enough…)
And imagine how pissed Mr. Teach is going to be at Isaac the bartender when he finds out that piker Captain Morgan has his own brand of rum, and Blackbeard has nothing!
Of course, what happens if Blackbeard’s ship takes a detour to the 1920’s when going through the temporal vortex, and he shows up in the present with some sort of “death ray”?
Well, I think that you would be surprised at how much damage a 8lb shot of iron can do to a thin hull such as those on a cruise ship. A bit more than putting a few dings in it that is for sure.
As for the battle itself. You have to look at in context really. It could win, or it could lose. Depends on the reactions of the crew on both ends.
The cruise ship could think it is a publicity stunt of some sort. The crew would be thrilled to see some pirates “attack.” And probably only a poriton of the crew would react, and even then they might think it is part of the show. The pirates aren’t likely to shoot first, they would fire a warning shot, and after none is returned, they would just board the ship. The cruise ship might not react because they again think this is all part of the show. Once the pirates are on the ship, it becomes a different problem. If everybody attacks, they pirates are over with. That is not likely though, the most likley scenario is that everybody is herded into one area as prisoners and nobody acts in fear of causing one or two people to get hurt.
Now, if the Cruise is composed of the 34th Militia and is a floating gun convention on international waters, I think the pirates will be in a world of hurt.
After the first cannon shot hit the side of the cruise ship it would just run away. So I doubt the Pirates would even fire their cannons. After all, they may damage the loot.
The only way the pirates have a chance is to somehow board the ship. Possibly the pirates would see what ever flat the cruis ship had and if it had one on hand it would run up one of those and pose as friends to get close enough to board. If they could board, I’m sure a band of pirates could make a pretty good haul of loot off the ship.
Well civil war cannon could not penitrate the ironclads, so I would suspect a steal hull would be even better, but then again a cruse ship is not made for cannon fire. And iron over wood might be a better defense over just steal.
My WAG is that the cruse ship has a good change of damage, but the propulsion system should remain in tact and the captain would step on the gas and be out of there.
Blackbierd’s best chance IMHO would be to shoot the bridge, killing the crew and destroying the ships controls stopping the ship. If he has incendary ammo that might prove useful too.
Surely there’d be some kind of “WTF!!!” factor on the part of Blackbeard and crew. I’d think just the sheer size of a cruise ship would cause BB & Co. to hesitate – and perhaps even eschew agression all together.
I’m still not clear on how exactly the pirates are going to board the cruise ship.
I don’t think Blackbeard would even know where the bridge on a modern ship would be located. My guess is that realistically he could open fire which probably could penetrate the hull. The Queen Mary 2 has a hull thickness of 10mm, while the references I could find say ironclads had anywhere from about 3 1/2 to 10 inches of iron sheathing over timbers 3-4 feet thick, but then Civil War cannon were probably a lot more powerful than cannon of Blackbeard’s time. But that would do little damage either way due to the sheer size of the cruise ship. The cruise ship would then steam away at full speed while calling the Coast Guard.
I don’t think they would be able to board the ship due to the height of the lowest deck openings, but maybe if it were anchored they could somehow throw some lines up or something. Pretty much the only way modern-day pirates are able to board large container ships is by climbing up the mooring chain when they are at anchor.
If Blackbeard is half the sailor he’s purported to be, my guess is he’d just turn right into the cruise ships path and head directly for her. Then, being more maneuverable, at the last minute he can veer right or left and travel down the ship’s length raking her with his cannons right at her waterline and come out the stern with little more than a dusting of deck chairs and Corona bottles.
Do an about face and repeat, this time from the comfort of several dozen plastic Adirondacks.
That doesn’t sound right. 1 cm of steel? This site says 1 1/2 inch – thicker than most cruise ships. Still, relatively thin, so I’m guessing a 24 lb cannon ball would at least leave a nasty ding.
Still, the point of cannon fire was to disable your opponent. Without masts to blow away, the pirates would have to disable the engines of the cruise ship. A tough job.
Pirates didn’t like to fire on ships they wanted to loot and stealing the cargo was the main idea of being a Pirate. If you fire on the ship you run the risk of seeing your booty go down. After you steal the cargo and ‘recruit’ some new sailors you might sink it or you might take the ship. I’m thinking Blackbeard would want to capture the cruise ship so he wouldn’t want to punch any holes in it.
You pirate a ship by out maneuvering it or by tricking it to let you come aboard by flying a friendly flag.
There is no way a ship that depends on the wind will out maneuver a ship that doesn’t care about the wind. All the cruise ship would have to do is turn into the wind and say buh-bye.
Do cruise ships have bowling alleys? I’m guessing a 16 lb Brunswick would do a number on a wooden ship when dropped from 60 or 90 feet up.
For the record, a raking shot is fired when crossing the bow or stern of a boat and travels along the long axis of the boat, hopefully wreaking much damage.
Well I would assume that a cruse ship would be faster anyway based on the hull speed, Blackbeird’s ship will have this very real speed limit on his ship no matter how much wind was blowing.
