Brain Games #2 : Style Merge

You guys is too good! (and funny!) Brain Games #1 turned out so well that let’s try another one …

“Style Merges”

Take two different (as wildly different as you can) styles of writing and merge them together and show us what you can come up with. For instance, if you took “Kubla Khan” by Samuel Colerdige and merged it with the children’s poem “Oooey Gooey was a Worm” you might get the following:

“In Xanadu didst Kubla Khan
A stately dome decree.
He crawled the railroad track
The train he did not see.
Oooey Kubla!”

Hit it Bosco …

Saint Eutychus

i did not eat your big grand slam
i did not eat it sam i am
i did not eat it on the couch
i did not eat it with a mouse
i did not eat it in the truck
i did not eat it with a duck
i do not like that big grand slam
i do not like it sam i am

(A lame attempt at ee cummings and Dr. Suess…thank you, thank you very much)

Run for the hills, folks! Or you’ll be up to your armpits in martians!

Owdew emewgent. Owdew dat awises fwom ouw intewaction and ouw communcation, uh-hah-hah-hah. Owdew dat depends on ouw sepawate wecognition of its pattewns fow its dependabiwity to us.

We need impose no cweed ow pwomote any compwex system of bewiefs and vawues, pewhaps not even bewiefs and vawues about human fawwibiwity, fow pwactice is mowe compewwing dan pwosewytization in many dings.

Wisdom is as wight and its Souwce shinef of its own accowd.

Designated Optional Signature at Bottom of Post

Kabbalah Teriyaki

By Betty Crocker & Z’ev Ben Shimon Halevi

1 6-7 lb. boneless soul
1 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup cooking oil
1/4 cup light molasses from the Tree of Life
1 Tbsp. ground ginger
1 Tbsp. dry mustard
4 oz. of will to learn

Place soul in plastic bag; set in deep bowl on the Malkhut. For marinade, combine remaining ingredients; pour over soul. Close bag. Chill overnight, occasionally turning to Michael or Uriel.

Remove soul, reserving marinade. Place soul, fat side up, on a rack in shallow Tiferet. Sprinkle with a little salt and pepper. Insert a soul thermometer. Roast in a 325 degree oven for 3 to 3-3/4 hours for rare, or until thermometer reaches Nezah. Tto reach Objective Knowledge, let cook for 4-1/2 hours.

Remove soul from oven; cover with Natural Adam foil. Let stand 15 minutes; Remove the figure composed of Keter, Hokhmah, Binah and Tiferet.

Remove strings and carve thinly across the upper complex of Mercy.

Serves 13.

“Where there is clarity, there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should I speak, since I know nothing?”

From William Shakespeare’s Pulp Fiction

Scene: Vincenzo and Julius, assassins for Lord Marcellus, approach the castle of their intended victims.

J: Tell me of thy travels, Vincenzo.
V: Amsterdam brought both pleasure and puzzlement. I was offered herbes which brought about an intoxicating sensation. Such herbes are forbidden in own our land, yet their constabulary could bring no charge against me.
J: Indeed?
V: I also found strangeness in their manner of speech, for that simple meal of bread and beef was not “quarter pounder” as 'tis known to me.
J: How did they so name this meal?
V: A “royale with cheese”; they named it thus.
J: This place intrigues me, Vincenzo. But I must ask of thee, I have heard that thou dines this eve with the lady of our master, Marcellus.
V: Our lord has asked of me, that I might dine this eve with his Lady Mia, that she not be lonely in his abscence.
J: Then let this be warning, for perhaps thou knowest of the misfortune of our friend, Antonio.
V: I know not, pray tell me.
J: Antonio had also occasion to dine with Lady Mia, and 'tis said that Marcellus did dispatch assasins to bring Antonio to an unfortunate end.
V: Perhaps this Antonio had brought Lady Mia to his bedchamber.
J: There was no such betrayal of our master, yet 'tis said that Antonio had but soothed her feet, and 'twas at this transgression that our master was enraged.
V: 'Tis understandable, for whilst the gentle caress of a lady’s feet were not as bold as a kiss upon her a yard higher, such acts are of a similar nature.
J: Dost thou compare the mere touch of hand to a lady’s soft feet, to the planting of that special kiss upon the foundation of her womanhood?
V: Hast thou not had occasion to caress thine own lady’s feet?
J: Indeed I am well instructed in such matters, and my hands have brought pleasure to the feet of ladies of all station.
V: Perhaps thou wouldst bring my own feet to such pleasure, as they grow weary.
J: Fornicate with thyself!

Excellent, Gilligan! I hope you don’t mind, but I sent a copy of it to a friend of mine who is a fan of both Shakespeare and Pulp Fiction.

Gilliagan, that strange sound you hear is me standing up and cheering my ass off!

That my friend was a truly brilliant piece of work!

O Beautiful for spacious skies
For amber waves of grain
For purple mountains’ majesties
Above the fruited plain
O Canada! O Canada!
Our home and native land…

Chaim Mattis Keller

“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective

Bravo on the Pulp Shakespeare!

I’m going to be a bit less creative and combine two things that have frequently been connected in the past:

I lived on dread; to those who know
The stimulus there is
In danger, other impetus
Is numb and vital-less.

There’s a yellow rose of Texas
That I am going to see,
No other fellow knows her,
No other, only me.

She cried so when I left her,
It like to break my heart,
And if I ever find her
We never more will part.

As’t were a spur upon the soul,
A fear will urge it where
To go without the spectre’s aid
Were challenging despair.

Cut and pasted from the Message Board World thread:

Goodnight to be
And not to be
Good night, troubles in a sea.
Good night arrows
And good night slings
Good night to what outrageous fortune brings.
Good night proud man’s contumely.
Good night conscience cowardly.
Good night fardels hard to bear,
Good night, questions everywhere.