We have a number of them - with normal home lives - that we’ve had to explain that looking in the windows while we eat waiting for our kids to come out is RUDE, and they can sit on the bench off to the side or go HOME and our kids will call or come over later. It also sounds like there aren’t a lot of kids this kid is comfortable playing with either in the neighborhood and he’s probably pretty lonely for the one kid - two years younger than himself - that plays with him.
My little sister is part of a pack of kids who prowl around the complex. They’re often knocking on our windows asking her to come out and play and yes, they occasionally press their little faces against the glass and peer eerily in at us. Of course, I just tell them to fuck off. /shrug They always scamper off, especially on those days when their incessant noise is enough to rouse me from my sleep.
I just realized you’re the same poster w/ the husband who’s afraid for you to know he looks at porn.
Nope, no pattern of overreacting or being over-controlling here. Nosiree… I have to ask though, was it expensive carpeting your entire home w/ eggshells?
At least your son didn’t tell you that he’d rather be trading for photos of you, right?
We are quite obviously not on the same page re: the definition of helicopter parenting which is like parents of grown kids calling up colleges to complain that their Precious failed chem, or calling their adult child’s job to ask why Muffin didn’t get a raise, or never taking the training wheels off the bike because little Timmy might hurt himself. It’s extreme.
If I stop the car trading (which I haven’t yet) it would only be if I come to the conclusion that Alex is not equipped to trade against somebody who is older and bigger than he is. If I feel like Alex is being swayed through lame tactics or bullying (and I’m not saying he is, just if), it’s not helicopter parenting to put a stop to that, it’s being a parent. Like if he were being bullied at school, it’s not like I would just throw my hands up and say “Hey, you deal with it.”
You’re retarded.
You’ve been here for ten years and you call someone retarded in IMHO?
I never told him that I think it was a bad trade. I only found out about the FedEx/Vikings swap because he mentioned the front wheels on the FedEx truck “kind of don’t work”. And I was like “Too bad, dude, should have checked it out first.” He got a Lamborghini he’s thrilled about. I think he’s pretty happy with the trading thing overall.
I still think you’re retarded but I wanted to answer this anyway.
I meant to say “This post is retarded.”
Er, great.
:smack:
Nice editing of my post.:dubious:
I said in my original response to you that you were on your way to helicopter parenting. You asked how “you were not staying out of it” and I showed where you said you might stop the trading. It is my opinion that you should let your kid settle his own problems, of which I don’t think your kid has a problem, it appears that you have a problem with him not receiving your determined fair value for his trades. It’s never black and white as to what is bullying and what is not. I think that someone that get’s as torqued up as you appear to be on a message board, is trending toward “helicopter mom” status.
If we’re thinking of the same post, than we’re in agreement. I doubt we are though.
Is “I know your post is but what am I?” a decent enough retort?
Silver Fire, I’m not sure what kind of Mommy message boards you’re used to posting on where everyone agrees with you and pats you on the back for being such a great wife and mother and how dare those bratty kids and husbands do the things they do - but after ten years here you must realize by now that the Dope isn’t one of those kinds of boards. We actually use independant thought to form actual opinions.
I’m sorry (sincerely though) if I misrepresented what you were getting at. I asked you to please tell me how I am helicopter parenting or where I was not staying out of it, so I thought your post was an example of how I displayed helicopter parenting. I’m not misrepresenting you intentionally, I just didn’t want to quote the entire thing with nested quotes and everything.
I don’t post on any Mommy message boards.
If you mean “Thought independent of anything that’s actually been said” sure, I would agree with that. I actually appreciated your first post because you’re right, Alex does seem happy with his trades and to him it might not seem unfair. How I’m being controlling is totally beyond me though, and I can’t imagine what I’ve said in this thread to make you think that I am. You have to remember, I haven’t actually done anything. I haven’t reversed any trades (or even expressed my opinion re: those trades), I haven’t bitched at anybody, I haven’t told Alex he can’t play with this kid anymore, I haven’t made any angry phone calls to anybody’s grandma and, on top of not doing all of that, I’ve already said I’m not going to. Alex is stuck on the trades. He’s got this car now that makes crash sounds when you drive it into stuff. He loves it. I don’t know what he gave up to get it, but that was his choice. These are all the same reasons I don’t get the claims of helicopter parenting. It’s stupid. I haven’t done anything.
And since I’m not doing all of that, I also don’t see how I’m overreacting. Because I posted a thread on the internet? Same thing with the porn thread; all the shit in that thread stayed in that thread. It wasn’t a re-hash over and over and over conversation I had with him, it was a thread on the internet. I didn’t bitch him out or give him the silent treatment or cry for hours and then go stay at my mom’s or whatever chicks do when they’re mad (which I never was, but whatever). In fact, that whole situation was over before I even started that OP so if you think I was, like, using that thread to argue with him? I don’t even know, but it’s not true. And your insistence that he’s “afraid” (I think you said embarrassed in the other thread) of me knowing he looks at porn is a conclusion that you made up based on nothing at all.
:dubious:
My advice is to relax. Parenting is very difficult but amazingly simple: Guide without controlling and lead by example.
One way you can lead by example is to show him that adults don’t stoop to pettiness. If a 9 year old tells your son to hurry up, don’t yell that you’re an adult and will do as you damn well please. Instead, treat him like you hope other parents would treat your son: “We might be awhile, so don’t get your hopes up.”
Instead of being repelled, why not take him under your wing and give him the benefit of your superior parenting? He sounds like he’s lonely and in need of attention. And your son needs friends. So make it a win-win for everyone.
Re-read the title of your OP. Did you not ask for people’s opinions in a forum called “In My Humble Opinion?” Did you not ask specifically, “Am I Overreacting?” If some (a lot) of people basically answer with “Yes, you are overreacting,” why do you act as if you’re being unfairly attacked and judged.
Look, Silver Fire, I’m not trying to pick a fight. I’m really not. I may have made too many assumptions about you based on everything you wrote in both threads (And also what I read between the lines based on the attitude you conveyed w/ your writing and the defensiveness you showed when confronted w/ opposing viewpoints about your parenting and husband-porn situation).
You just struck a nerve w/ me because you remind me so much of my ex-wife and what seems like similar behaviors/attitudes that are what helped cause her to become an ex-wife. I probably just fell for into that whole “If it looks like an ex-duck and smells like an ex-duck…” trap.
That saying is about misjudging others based on what you have observed of them, right?
I didn’t yell, I swear. I don’t yell at my own kid, I’m not going to yell at someone else’s. And my OP wasn’t verbatim, so I didn’t swear at him either, but that was the general idea; Alex doesn’t have a choice on how long he takes so relax. This was after a long day of scratch scratch and door-tapping and window-whispering and the kid was tap-dancing on my last nerve anyway so I don’t deny I got snappy with him, but I’m not a complete ass.
I also don’t think I have superior parenting skills, but obviously a different parenting style. I do think the kid’s grandma is overwhelmed and is probably lacking because of it (and it’s not her fault, I’m not saying that; she should be enjoying her retirement), and the kid is potentially jacked up from whatever went down that led to him not living with his mother, but I’m not really sure how to help that.
I had guessed something like that. I didn’t want to say anything because it would have been totally snide and probably offensive (especially given that it applies) but I thought you might be reading me in a certain tone based on your own experiences. I’m not as defensive as you think. In the porn thread when it went like this – Poster: You know, XYZ and this, too. Me: Oh yeah? How? – that’s genuine wonder on my part, not defensiveness (actually I just read every one of my posts in that thread to double-check; when read in my own voice (which you don’t know, of course) there isn’t a shred of defensive in that entire thread). The defensiveness here is because I genuinely don’t understand how I’m helicopter parenting or being controlling or whatever if I haven’t actually DONE anything and, more importantly, do not plan to.
Hmm. I don’t actually know. I’ve only ever heard it as a warning, like people who date an abuser and break up but then start dating another person who is exactly the same way.
Everyone, chill. Just feed the little neighbor kid to a woodchipper and be done with it.
This is why you’re one of my favorite posters.
Of course you do. Because the kid doesn’t have parents. He has grandma, who as you say, is probably overwhelmed and lacking because of it.
You help with that by welcoming this child into your home and treating him like a friend of your son. He’s 9. If you’re not willing to give him a break now, when will he ever get one?
I forgot to mention, in my earlier haste, the “new” aspect of trading that has already been mentioned. To kids, “new” trumps any other aspect of a toy. Even if Alex likes the Vikings, he’s had that truck for, like, forever, MOM! He doesn’t miss it, I bet.
Amen, brotha’.
Honestly, you do sound kind of major league helicoptery. Once the household is up and dressed a seven year old should be able to go inside and outside at will and play in his own yard without getting “permission”. The fact that this blows your mind is kind of odd. You do come across a pretty controlling parent.
Having said this I agree with Shodan re the 9 year old not having parental supervision or learned manners. I wouldn’t put up with a kid continuing to ring the bell and pester if I told him point blank that my kid was going to be helping me for a while.