Breast-Growing Chewing Gum

No, it’s not a messy substitute for duct tape, it’s boob gum.

And I thought the vending machines dispensing girls’ used undies was silly. You can’t make this shit up.

It’s Boobie Chew!!

Mastication for better lactation!

Boobleicious! Boobleyum!

And for that special woman in your life, don’t forget our “thanks for the mammaries” deluxe pack! Includes an industrial strength, steel girded, rebar enhanced over the shoulder boulder holder for those special moments when big enough is just too much.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “double-mint twins”, would you say?

Just remember, anything more than a mouthful is a waste.

Gooey Two Chews!

Hubba-Hubba Bubba! You’re blowing bubbles, all right.

Rose flavored?

Like the actual flower? Anyone ever munched a rose? How’d it taste?

I get it!

I think I remember how it ends but I don’t want to blow it.

Actually, I think there are recipes for desserts that call for roses-rose pastry creams and such.

Double the flavor! Double the Fun! Double the D!

I can’t believe no one else thought of that.

Roses or rosewater are used as a flavoring in Indian sweets. I once had a rose lassi (a sweetened yogurt drink) that was very yummy, with a very strong rose flavor.

There’s rosewater available in bottles in my supermarket, next to the orange flower extract and couscous.


Though honestly I am hoping for a return to the ultra-miniskirt fad more than that some gum chewing might maybe make a +0.05 increase in bust volume ten years from now. Just a bet on which has the better chances to brighten my day.

Admittedly I don’t have any particular attraction to Japanese girls beyond their being human and female, but after living in Seattle–the land of the hairy female leg* --for several years of my life, to be graced in Tokyo with some very generous displays of what have fairly regularly been quite shapely legs was quite happy-making in my college years. Le sigh.

But if the gum works, I ain’t complaining. The Seattle girls do have them beat in that respect.

  • I went to a very liberal high school. And…well, my leg hair lost to a girl and I can’t very well forgive that.

I’ve eaten rose petals a few times. They smell like roses, but don’t have a heavy rose taste. Just a light hint, IIRC.