I have the perfect environment at work. It is a sublime mixture of time to work and time to chat, a laid-back atmosphere where I can wear less-than-formal wear coughMadonnaconcertteeshirtandacamouflageminiskirtcough and no one bats an eye. The coffee flows plentifully, I have a cubicle all to myself, and I am very good at doing the things my company pays me to do, efficiently and in a timely fashion.
Little did I know, however, that my workplace could be so much more. Never did I dream the sterling education I would receive upon the arrival of a new addition to my department. He is tall. He is handsome and well-travelled. He is a recent convert to Islam. He knows how to dress and is always perfectly groomed. And he spews the most ignorant, hateful, stoooooopid claptrap I have ever heard. And I’ve chatted with those crazy old guys who man the Lyndon LaRouche kiosks outside the grocery store!
A few choice quotes:
[ul][li] “The government has machines that can control the weather and create natural disasters. In fact, during the Cold War the U.S. and Russia signed a treaty promising not to use them against each other to cause earthquakes and stuff.”[/li]
[li] “The 16th Amendment makes income taxes illegal.”[/li]
[li] (insert me explaining how natural selection works: genetic variation creates offspring better able to compete for resources, etc., they survive to procreate, edging out siblings…) “…That makes absolutely NO sense at all.”[/li]Me: And yet, it is good enough for high school biology students the world over. Go figure, eh?
[li] “The government took all my girlfriends’ money because of her Student Loan.”[/li]Me: They can’t do that, they have to take her to court first. Did she go to court?
Him: “No, but they don’t have to, they can do whatever they want, they’re the government, they make the laws.”
Me: They can’t just ring up the bank and say; ‘Hey, can we have so-and-so’s money?’ and have the bank say; ‘Suuuuure, go ahead!’ That’s ridiculous.
Him: “Oh, I don’t know about that.”
[li] “The Federal Reserve isn’t even a government institution, it’s a private bank run by a small group of means but does not actually say: “Jews” people who just print money, then loan it to you and charge you interest.”[/li]
[li] “ALL Monotheistic religions say that pagans are enemies of God.”[/li]Me: I figure that He can take care of His enemies on His own just fine, and I don’t need to concern myself with them most days.
[li] “The Holocaust didn’t happen the way ‘they’ say it did. (insert spurious statistics about the population of Germany in the 30’s and 40’s here)”[/li]Me: Um, actually, about half of the Jews killed were Polish.
Him: mumbling something unintelligible and probably unintelligent
[li]“I’ve seen a picture of Sammy Davis Jr. shaking hands with Anton LaVey”[/li]Me: I’ve seen a picture of Richard Nixon shaking hands with Forrest Gump.
[/ul]
Don’t even get me started on his rampant objectification of women, his too-frequent smoke breaks, or his constant quoting of Borat. I’ll overrun the character limit, I just know it.
I don’t care how you grade my rant; I know it’s pedestrian and mundane. I don’t even mind if this thread sinks like Madonna’s heart in an NBA locker room when she realizes she is almost out of lube. It just felt good to get it out.
Cheers,
Kfl
Girl Friday in a camo mini
