That is to say, the following ritual, which I’ve read of in tons of British novels written up to the mid 20th century:
A family (usually “landed gentry”) gives a dinner, and they invite various “respectable” people they know, want to get to know, or live nearby in the country. They have dinner, mixed company, but the hostess will designate the seating “strategically.”
Then, when dinner is finished, the women all go into the “drawing room” to have coffee, and the men stay in the dining room to smoke (usually cigars), and talk about things that “are only talked about by men amongst themselves” (i.e., details of business, hardcore politics, etc.).
Then, and after a certain point, the men go into the “drawing room” and rejoin the women, after which people start to go home (not all at once).
Does this happen at all today? If not, when did it stop?
(P.S., what distinguishes a “drawing room” from other rooms? What does it have in it that makes it a “drawing room”?)
Short answer: books give a distorted picture. It didn’t always happen in the past, but it doesn’t never happen now.
Longer answer: among the upper classes, this would have been the ‘normal’ pattern / standard etiquette in the past, and might sometimes still happen today. I’ve been to a few ‘posh’ dinners where this ritual was followed.
Among the lower classes (including scum like me) it probably never happened much in the past and wouldn’t happen much, if at all, today. These days, if someone were to organise a dinner party along these lines, it would probably be done in the spirit of intentionally mimicking a byegone ritual for fun.
There’s no hard and fast definition of ‘a drawing room’. It’s just another ‘living room’ in the house. If you’re an aristocrat with a huge house, it might suit you to give different ‘day’ rooms different names. But most of us aren’t aristos, we don’t live in big houses, and there’s just one ‘living room’. And if it’s in London, it’s probably the size of a phone box.
Drawing room is a shortening of “withdrawing room.” It is simply a comfortable room for the women to sit in and talk.
The separating practice ended at various times in various places, whenever the women put their feet down and said “include us.” Earlier in Hollywood, later in Washington, D.C.
I dunno, sounds a lot like my husband’s family now.
All the aunts tell us all where we’re sitting, at one of several tables. After dinner, the men go to the family room and watch football while the women congregate in the kitchen, wash up and dish about the men. We call it “dishing with dishes.” After all that’s done, we come back together for desert and couples and families begin to make their departure.
I created a HUGE furor last year when I suggested that the men clean up. You should have seen it. I managed to get the men in the kitchen, and they were actually doing quite well, but The Five Sisters were beside themselves, fluttering about and getting in the way of their menfolk.
I’ve been to several “white tie” dinners where the gentlemen have stayed in the dining room with the port and the ladies have “withdrawn” elsewhere. But it’s been part of a “themed” event as **ianzin ** suggests.
If literature is any guide, this practice was not confined to Britain; Edith Wharton’s characters entertain themselves this way, and Howells’ The Rise of Silas Lapham (one of my favorite novels) describes in detail how badly such a party can go awry when some of the guests aren’t familiar with the customs.
I went to a ‘do’ like that once. It was a dinner in honour of Prince Andrew whose ship was in port at the time.
The then Governor of Gibraltar decided to invite a younger crowd to the formal dinner at his residence, and I was among the guests. We also had to change place for each course so that different people got to sit next to the guest of honour. I ended up sitting next to him during the main course, during which we spoke about backpacking in South America, the gutter press, and members of his family and their vices. He referred to the Queen as ‘the Queen’ rather than ‘Mum’ or ‘Mummy’. Anyway when dinner was over, the ladies were led into another room while the men stayed in the banqueting hall to smoke.
This was in the late 80s, and I would imagine it still goes on now.