This.
If you (OP) had a tough love chat to her about it, how open would she be to it? Hopefully BiL hasn’t ever been physically abusive.
ETA - somewhat ninja’ed by FloatyGimpy on the abuse front. And the niece still loving her dog after this…yeah must be pretty frustrating.
It is never that simple.
He is abusive to his family (and he’s certainly not doing right by the dog). I don’t know if he’s stupid or has a mental illness, but it doesn’t matter. It sounds like the problems go far beyond the dog.
In a perfect world, your sister would separate now and take the kids. All of them needs counseling. I say this as someone who grew up in an abusive home. Your sister and her children all deserve better and the help they need for a chance to get a better life.
As far as the dog, you and I have been on a few dog threads together. I hope he’s removed from the home and can be helped as well.
The entire thing is made of suck. I hope that your sister and her family are able to safely disentangle themselves from this man.
BIL didn’t recently try to quit drinking, did he? There are people with depression, bipolar and anxiety issues who suppress them with alcohol, then quit drinking, because alcohol has “side effects”; the mental illness comes full-blown from the head of Zeus. A lot of people chalk up to withdrawal what needs to be treated with medication.
Is it possible anything like this is going on? You sister could be thinking that if she hangs on, things will get better because the drinking has stopped, when the fact is, that they are going to get worse.
Wow, that is some seriously divorce level shit right there; what is up with your sister? If it was my sister, I would be counseling her on finding a good lawyer.
I don’t care what your BIL thinks: A CHILD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A DOG. He’d rather lose his wife and daughter than a dangerous dog? SHIT!
I’d tell my sister to get rid of the dog. And the husband.
And leaving a child in a house with a dangerous dog doesn’t?
I grew up in an abusive household. The children need to be protected first and foremost.
The father needs to understand that there are legal consequences for his actions.
The consequences would likely be that he has to get rid of the dog. The system leans toward keeping families together, so if you’re worried Mom might lose custody, that seems unlikely.
It would probably end the marriage, though. I can’t see any compelling reason that would be a bad thing.
Both parents are now aware that the dog is dangerous, so they could be in serious legal trouble if the dog injures the child again (or worse, kills her). They have a legal responsibility to look out for the welfare of their daughter, and also a responsibility to ensure their dog doesn’t injure anyone. They could be charged with child endangerment, or even manslaughter (I really hope it doesn’t lead to that). Are they aware of this?
Tranquilis, you said that your sister’s family has limited financial resources. Is there any way you could help her, like offering space in your home for her and your niece to stay (or maybe just your niece)? Do you have any other family members who could help?
The brother-in-law sounds like a first-class abuser. Even without the dog it would be a good idea for your sister to leave him.
I’m surprised the dog hasn’t already been put down. Anyway, you should hug your niece, tell her she is loved, and let your niece know - possibly privately - that she is welcome in your house any time and if necessary you will come and pick her up. This will likely mean rehoming your current dog, but your niece is more important.
It’s not only the dog and the defense of the dog, but turning into some kind of misogynistic lesson for the son and blaming “the women” is beyond fucked up. Fuck that guy! She and her daughter can do better.
Didn’t the doctor report this to the police department b/c the dog should had to been quarantine ? The dog may had been put down if the ACO felt that dog was a danger to other people.
I really hate to saw this but I think the guy is a dickhead and not mentally ill and
I hope to hell people don’t bring their child to the house anymore . If the dog started acted strange he could be sick or have cancer . My hearing dog got cancer in his kidneys and he started to act strange by growling at me as if he didn’t know who I was . This happen 2 times and my granddaughter was a toddler and I didn’t want my dog growling at her or worst attacking her so I put my dog down. The cancer could had spread to his brain and causing my dog to act strangely.
That was my first thought. But would they act on such a situation?
So what if they don’t? It’s not going to make the situation worse than living with a biting dog.
This is unclear - if there’s a police report, why hasn’t the dog been quarantined? There might be another step that needs to happen, here?
Or maybe the family conference has made a difference?
So they get rid of the dog he’ll get another one, or it’ll be something else.
Take the guy fishing out on the ocean when bad weather’s coming. Oops.
It can, by giving the abuser an excuse to claim that “they” (the wife and daughters) are attacking him. He doesn’t really need excuses, but having one makes things easier.
You said you know what needs to be done. So stop making excuses and do it. You can’t control what others do but you can control what you do. There is a child in danger and you can do something about that right now.
Good. Stop reading this thread and go call child services.
Let me put it this way - I’m a mandated reporter in my state. If somebody I knew was telling me this story, I would be committing a felony by not making that phone call.
I am going to “me-too” the suggestion to call CPS.
I have effectively done this as an anonymous informant, which you might consider because it will avoid making you the enemy in the family and also allow you to continue to observe the situation.
If you are going to report a problem anonymously it is crucial you give SPECIFIC information. For the benefit of others who might need to know what that means I’m going to belabor the point a bit. For example, in this situation:
Keep it clear and concise, keep to verifiable facts. Make it easy for a case worker to follow up.