Bubastis bluffs; Hardship calls.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die
I’m gonna die

OK. I ADMIT IT. I brought this on myself.

All year I’ve been prattling on about how I’d love to do a parachute jump, and I must admit I always got a kick out of the look of horror in Hardships eyes whenever I mentioned it. Now, a parachute jump is one of those things I’d love to do… but would NEVER get round to doing, and I’m pretty happy with that. This is jumping out of a fuckin plane, man.

Anyway, last week it was my birthday.

See where this is heading?

She got me a parachute jump… and not only that, booked it for Sunday. I nearly shit in my trousers.

Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap.

I could point blank refuse to do it, but then it’d be Hot Tongue and Cold Shoulder from herself.

My two choices; jump out of an airplane, or have The War Council mad at me.

I’m thinkin, I’m thinkin.

So, Sunday morning is THE TEST; Does God want Bubastis to live??

I’ll (hopefully) let you know!

2

Just do it!

3

God hates a coward. (I’ll bet the missus doesn’t find them too sexy either)

Go jump. The odds are…fairly in your favor. :wink:

Good luck. GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

4

No.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Listen to your instructor / guide, follow the safety rules, and have a great time. :slight_smile:

5

My kid did it. He loved it.

I’d die of fright-t-t-t-t before I ever hit the ground.

6

Don’t do it. Do you know HARD it is to pry teeth out of terra firma?

Won’t you think of gabriela? She (or someone like her) has to prod at your pancaked corpse when you’re done.

7

Parachute? Bah. When I was a boy, they made us jump with dishtowels held up over our heads. And we were thankful for it. Kids these days…

8

You do know that, this past bridge day, one of the people who created the sport of BASE jumping died in a parachuting accident, right?

Not that this would ever happen to you, of course. Just stirring the pot.

9

Aaah, bubastis we hardly knew ye.

heeeheee!

Just kidding. You’ll be fine. Follow your instructor like he’s the only thing that can lead you out of the ninth circle of hell, and you’ll do great.
You have to do it now anyway, so you might as well relax and enjoy it!

10

Be sure to let us know how it goes on Sunday.

or not…

11

Remember there’s no pressure. If your parachute doesn’t work, you have the rest of your life to learn how to fly.

12

DISHTOWELS??? You had it good, youngster. When I fell off that tall mountain, all I had was the handkerchief in my pocket! And it had a hole in the center! And I LIKED it!

Now you damn kids get offa my lawn…

13

I personally have spoken to a man who jumped out of a plane (with chute) only to discover the chute and all other potential lifesaving aids were not going to work. He fell three thousand feet and landed with a thump. (Maybe a squish). Had some broken stuff which got fixed. And he still parachutes some thirty (maybe more) years later.

Moral of the story - if very worst comes to very worst, aim for bushes.

14

Go for it. The odds are very much in your favor - I know lots of people who’ve done charity parachute jumps, and only one of them died in the process.

(BTW, semiseriously, check your life insurance, if such is relevant - it probably has an exclusion clause for this particular leisure activity).

15

Just remember, the object of flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

16

Happy plummeting, bubastis! Just think of it as playing chicken…against a planet. Think of how happy you’ll be to have done it, and how little the small, prosaic problems and annoyances of life will seem to you from now on.

17

Ok… This is possibly the last ever post By Bubastis…
If you never hear from me again, I want you all to write strongly worded letters to The Irish Parachuting Club.

I’m praying, PRAYING for rain tomorrow.
I’ve never been so scared.

18

Jump!
Jump!
Jump!
Jump!

Ah, you’ll be fine. Just bring a change of trousers with you. :slight_smile:

19

May I suggest you make sure you pee before you jump? We don’t want any accidents…

20

Well, if anything, I do hope you’ve learned your lesson about saying stuff to freak your wife out. Tsk tsk, man. How long have you been married?