MY 6 year old relative is in an aftercare situation in school. 2 Boys, 7 year olds, 1 grade above are being unkind to him. Verbally harassing and making fun of him (He is HUGE). He asked me what to do. Besides “pay them no mind” “try to ignore them” … I am not sure what to say.
I have further established that :
A. They are not physically abusing him in any way (although he is afraid if he answers back too much it could escalate there … I doubt that this will actually happen see B). I know his fear of this must be dealt with.
B. The aftercare lady, when she hears the verbal “abuse“, scolds the boys and tells them to knock it off. My relative rarely seeks out the teacher so as not to tattle. I doubt that this could escalate to physical violence without it being discovered very quickly, they are on a short leash - but not short enough that she hears all the exchanges between the kids.
My relative has kids his own age to hang with – but they are only in aftercare Monday and Wednesday.
Tues, Thurs and Fri he is alone and SOL.
Maybe the caregiver needs to escalate a bit. They have a very low tolerance for that sort of thing at our afterschool program. If a kid is a frequent offender the parents start getting written warnings. If it doesn’t stop, they can get suspended from the program or even get kicked out.
He’s six and huge? That sounds like a major problem to me. How does a kid that age get huge? His parents need to realize that if he’s getting made fun of now, it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. No six-year-old should be huge unless they have some kind of medical problem, in which case the parents should have a talk with the after-school caretakers.
He isn’t fat. He is a GIANT the size of the smallest 9-10 yo boys and the average 8 yo i’d say. (On-libne calclutors predict he will be 6’8 290) I witnessed this:
7yo: “[My 6yo] got up without permission. Idiot!” - (I had come in)
My 6yo: “Be mean to someone else”
The OTHER 7 Yo: “Pick on someone your own size”
7 yos laugh & skip off.
That led to the discussion. He isn’t fat – just a really tall kid and very self-conscious about that. He said it was the first time he had ever answered a taunt back because I was there and expressed pride and how he “wished” he was “brave enough” to always answer. He related some other teasing of the same tenor.
Well, in that case, I’d say maybe one shove would do it for him. He sounds kind of shy though. Seriously, if he’s going to be a big dude, then he probably won’t have to worry about bullying much longer. Most kids aren’t stupid enough to pick on the biggest guy they can find. Bullies usually look for the weak.
Well, you could teach him to retaliate in kind. Have him find out something that the other kids absolutely, totally loathe and are unwilling to hear any discussion of, and have him bring it up every time they start something. I’m not sure if your child has the right kind of temperament for that sort of thing, though.
IME: unless you can provide a positive consequence for your torementer that is greater than their amusement at watching you squirm (or the thrill of trying to make you squirm), you’ve stuck with negative consequences. You could always talk with their parents, both to see if there’s something that can be done and to trawl for information that will send the agressors into screaming fits.
Or, you can explain to your child, “Yes, their behavior sucks horribly, but short of hurting them back worse than they’re hurting you, there’s nothing you can do to get them to stop.” Knowing that he could beat the crap out of the two of them emotionally and/or physically but has chosen not to can give one more patience than the “Just ignore them.” bit, which frankly doesn’t work.
Yes, I had an interesting elementry school experience.