Bush election scheme discovered!


Our reporters have as yet been unable to acquire the documents necessary to absolutely prove the rumors that the Bush Administration is using Canneto di Carona as a testing ground for a newly developed Spontaneous Combustion Ray[sup]TM[/sup].

When questioned about the Bush Administration’s involvement in these politically motivated fires, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice shrugged and said: “Shit happens”.
Un-named sources close to the administration have stated that they hope to have these rays perfected by Election Day. That way registered democrats can be ignited through spontaneous human combustion before they have a chance to vote.
An alternate plan is to simply use the ray to burn down voting locations in heavily democratic precincts. This is to be done after the voting hours but before the votes have been counted. Chads, hanging and otherwise, will thus be incinerated before they can be called into question.

How long will the American public continue to ignore the overwhelming evidence of the Bush atrocities? Will the polls NEVER start to reflect what the people really should be thinking?

Reporting our un-biased news live from Sicily, this is Me.

I dunno. Spontaneous human combustion’s a tricky technology and prone to error. Why not just hold an election, come in second place, and have yourself declared the winner anyway. A strategy proven to work.

Wait. I thought spontaneous human combustion was caused by not farting often enough.