I’d have to say Kerry. He’s taller and he’s killed people before. That’s pretty intimidating. I think Bush is younger but I have to go with Kerry nonetheless.
On the undercard, though, something tells me that Cheney would clean John Edwards’ clock. I know Cheney has the bad ticker but something about him just strikes me as tough and mean. Edwards looks like he’s never been in a fight before.
I’d have to agree with you on both counts. Bush seems kind of wimpy and I think Kerry could take him no problem. Plus, Bush doesn’t seem to have very good balance (he falls of bikes and Segways) so Kerry could just tip him over and kick him a few times.
Cheney seems like a bad mother forker though. Bad and mean. If he was caught in a bear trap he’d chew his leg off to free himself and then beat you over the head with it.
I think once Cheney got into “mean ol’ bastard mode” (hunched over, face all pinched up, drooling, growling, shaking his fists) Edwards would poop himself and run away.
I wouldn’t underestimate Edwards in a VP brawl… I think he’s about a decade younger, and he was apparently a good athelete as a kid - what he lacked in raw physical ability he made up for with great instincts and judgment.
Marley. Thats true but I think even the greatest fighter would turn and run when Cheney started growing horns, spewing vomit, and speaking in some weird old biblical sounding language.
I’d feel better about this if I weren’t convinced that Bush would knee Kerry in the groin and that Cheney best punch is a head but. We might get an early bell in the last round and a 5 to 4 referee’s decision like last time.
Edwards could beat Cheney easily by just running away. Cheney follows for about a quarter of mile and drops dead of a heart attack. Edwards stands over his body with his hands in the air and does a victory lap.
See, before Kerry would fight he would try to get permission from the world boxing council, a body notoriously hostile to American boxers.
While he was doing that Bush would Unilateraly attack him and beat the crap out of him, supported by a cheering section of eastern Europeans and his loyal British servant.
Kerry, athletic and fit, towers over the doughy Bush, whose slow reaction time permits Kerry to successfully throw the same punch over and over again, saying “think fast!” each time.
Bush, now lying on the ground, says, “I wish someone would of told me he was going to use that right hook.”
It may be closer than you guys are giving Bush credit for. He’s a cocky little bantam rooster of a guy, and even asked Poppy Bush “I hear you’ve been looking for me…you want to go at it right here?” before he got on the wagon. Plus, he’s stupid enough (IMHO) to keep coming back for more even after he got the shit kicked out of him. You’d have to cut off his head in order to get him to give up the fight.