My friend, the Italian Stallion, had been saving up change for four months. He got pretty far, about 346.50 dollars worth. He had been wanting an iPod, so the plan, then, was pretty simple - procure an iPod with straight change and any other means necessary.
He calls us up, moi and “Rose”, and we head off to Best Buy with our bright pink retro drug smuggling 60 pound bag.
Sadly, nothing can really be said about our first trip. Best Buy was really friendly and un-brain dead, and would of allowed our purchase to go through except for they couldn’t find any place to store the change. Also, and this will become important later, they counted it with a scale, something that took all of five minutes to do.
Anyway, we were about to head home sad and rejected until we remembered Circuit City.
Ah, what a dreadfully hideous place. The employees there are the kind that would refuse to eat brains as a zombie and opt for slow degradation instead. Not for moral reasons, mind, but for the utter lack of a thinking process and the complete inability to do work.
(This is a good time to mention we entered right before closing, for whatever it’s worth.)
So, we find the iPod we want and give the bag to Sea Urchin Billy.
“Oh shoot,” he says. “No you didn’t.”
“Oh shoot,” he says again. “No you didn’t.”
“Oh shoot,” he says, again, hopefully for the last time. “No you didn’t.”
He then proceeds to not contact his manager or anything sane, but to take out each roll of change, feel it over a good bit, and put it on his workstation. It went like this for awhile , with some talking going back and forth. Just typical things like “shouldn’t you use a weighing machine” and silly suggestions like that. Finally, he contacts his manager , who comes over and starts getting insanely pissy like he has sand in the box his kid’s came in. Almost like we are not the customers and he doesn’t have the right to refuse service to anyone.
So, he barks at us, but we take it in stride because we want our friend to get the iPod and we like the silly man for being pissy over his own choices.
At this point, our friend Billy mentions casually “Oh God! Don’t joke with him, man, I’m serious, man, don’t joke with him!” like this is some form of interogation and Jack Bauer is about to flash light probe our collective chocolate starfish.
Despite his best intentions, we laugh at the moron and continue on our merry way through the store. We make our way to the back room, where we leave the Stallion to his own devices and retreat back to a safe distance.
“I waaaaaas going to leave sometime today, but I guess I won’t nooooooow” states the manager manner of factly. This would be for one of two reasons: a) the store was closing and b) he began to count the change by hand! Who the hell thinks that is even remotely a good idea?
Anyway, they begin to count. During this, employees would stop by, check out, and leave smiling and shaking their heads. They continue this way for the next 35 minutes, counting and slowing closing, which for a normal establishment would be the end of the story.
Not here, though. These are a special form of idiots.
Keeping in mind the fact that my friend has every form of change imaginable in his bag, they then proceed to ring him up and give him change back. They gave him a freaking penny back, despite the fact that he handed them over 3,000 pennies in all.
Who knew buying an iPod could be so much fun?
