Or if he really wants to hear what noise upstairs is, the upstairs neighbors from my last apartment. They had three young children who ran and screamed, and we swore that their kids would climb their kitchen cabinets and jump from them to the floor, by the sound of our dishes ratting in the cabinet each time there would be a tremendous boom from directly upstairs. Our theory was given much more credence when one of our kitchen cabinets actually let loose from the wall! Fortunately my husband happened to be in the kitchen and heard what was happening, and actually caught the cabinet full of dishes before it fully dropped, else it would have smashed a lot of our dishes. (Note that all of this happened during waking hours, but I assure you the noise would probably send her landlord off the deep end regardless.)
Eve, I don’t know if you can speak to his wife, who sounds more realistic about the whole situation, but you need to emphasize to them that you are already restricting your life in numerous ways as a result of their house being very thin-walled/floored, you assure them that you are stepping lightly, that’s it’s surely a violation of health/rental codes to restrict bathroom access that way, and that you have put up with a lot of overheard noise because you understand how houses work like that and are trying to be a good tenant.
As so often happens where cranks share living space with the rest of us, small noises by mild-mannered people get most of the complaints, because cranks are usually too chickenshit to face down the truly obnoxious.
I suggest Eve start keeping some loud, intimidating company, perhaps flamenco-dancing bears or a rehearsal big band.
This is your legal right, and if he is actively bullying you, contact one of the many renter advocacy organizations in New York and/or LegalAid. It’s polite to make certain concessions for the sake of curtesy, but if it’s seriously curtailing your ability to use the space you pay for (don’t use the bathroom? What are you, a zek in the gulag?) then you need to push back.
Besides, you don’t want to end up on Death Row writing bad poetry, do you?
I didn’t want to confront him last night, because he was obviously very upset, and he’s one of the screamers (judging from the fights wiith his beleagured wife). But I do have my quiet, knife-like sarcasm, with which he will be unprepared to deal. I will quote a few conversations of his I’ve heard (“It’s peeling off! Omigod, I can’t believe it’s peeling right off!!”), and remind him that if normal barefoot walking noises (not to mention Anne Frank scurried shuffling) is so loud downstairs that it wakes him up, then the problem is not my fault and not his fault, but the fault of the the Monroe Brothers, Alf and Ralph, who built this place.
Now, I do not want to move. I can’t afford to move, for one thing: I dropped more than $2,000 on the last move, and this is a nice neighborhood, convenient to everything. And I cannot take any more days off from work.
Up till now I’ve been smiling and nodding at his insanity, but next time I see him (I am not going to return his call), I will tell him I am not going to wet the bed for him, and that from now on I am going to walk around my apartment just as though it were the late summer of 1945, and if that bothers him, then he is not cut by nature to live anywhere near other people.
As a child, I used to help my grandfather walk his cows to a pond. Let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like wondering not if, but when, you’re going to be stampeded to death in the South Carolina woods by a herd of cattle.
Fond memories, nonetheless; may Grand-daddy rest in peace.
You could offer to change apartments with him and his wife, or suggest they install some kind of sound-absorbing tile on their ceiling (or on your floor) but I doubt any of these will be as effective as your first thought.
Should’ve been your cue to run, run far away. :eek:
Now that you’re in, just buy a few thick carpets and lay them on the areas where you most often walk at night. I also like the flamenco-dancing bears suggestion, if you want to go the other way.
Unfortunately, they own the house (they have the downstairs, I have the upstairs) and I have a feeling that when my lease is up next June they are going to give me the boot.
Anybody know of an affordable one-bedroom in a livable section of Hoboken or Brooklyn?
No, wait, how about an injury that requires a cast and crutches! Double his pleasure, “thunk draaaaaag, thunk draaaaaaag”. He can’t kick you out for that, it would be in violation of the ADA (right?).
I say go with the chamber pot suggestion. And since you can’t flush for 10 hours a day or make a lot of noise walking around, the only remedy is dealing with it as if you were living in the 17th century. Dump it right out the window!
Aside from that, I have to wonder what the idiotic landlord expected with a tenant living right above him. What century is he living in? It’s not as though you’re going to be quietly knitting by the fireplace until it gets dark, blowing out the lamp and then tiptoeing to bed at 7 PM.
Eve, I had almost the exact same situation with my landlord. I will NEVER live in the same building as my landlord again.
Walking around past 9… A knock on the door.
Walking up the stairs after 9… A knock on the door.
Shower, toilet, or sink past 10ish… A knock on the door.
TV on at low volume past 10ish (couldn’t sit on the couch it was so quiet, had to sit a couple feet in front of it), a knock on the door.
She was sick, I don’t know with what, but she had retired early and her 23 year old son stayed at home to take care of her. He’d leave to go drink for much of the day so on occasion she’d put her trash bags outside of her door on the small enclosed porch both her back door and my door shared. Before the random knocking if I sneezed started I didn’t mind bringing her trash out when I walked out the door. Sure, I had to walk 30 feet away from the direction I was going to go put the trash in the bin by the garage, but what the heck, she’s ill. Then the trash started to pile up and both her son and her husband stopped taking it out ever. The stench was horrible. I was expected to take it out, I guess. I just didn’t. Eventually their son took it out, but a couple bags were there for a week dispite my complaints.
Walking around an apartment is not a proper reason for a “noise complaint”. I don’t care what time of the day it is. If you think you are getting the boot when the lease is up, you might as well plan for it and have some fun.
I would write this all down like a signed addition to the lease.
Add all the wacky rules he has made up. Include a letter stating when you rented the apartment it was your understanding full use of the apartment was included per the lease you previously signed. Tell him if he wants to ammend the lease with the above rules limiting your use of the apartment, then you fully expect rent to be lowered.
Then, come up with a formula on how to reduce the rent.
Using easy numbers: Say the entire place is 1000 sq feet. Rent is $1000 a month. That’s $1 a square foot a month.
The office is 100 square feet (or $100 a month) but you’re only allowed to use it half the time. Rent should be reduced $50 a month. Same goes with the bathroom or anything else he’s asked you to NOT use between particular hours.
You could even figure how much each square foot costs per hour and caculate the rent adjustment from there.
Bombard this fucktard with real numbers in a well written, easy to follow document and lean heavy on the fact your apartment usage is being reduced therefore the amount you pay per month should follow.
Don’t forget to CC the letter to a lawyer or a housing department and send it to him registered.
If he doesn’t want to agree to it and reduce your rent, then use the apartment how you please. If he doesn’t agree and complains about you having a piss in the middle of the night and flushing tell him to phone the police next time and file a noise complaint against you.
Oh, is that all? Sounds like paradise ! :rolleyes:
Seriously, Eve , having lived most of my life in NY, I’ve seen my share of fuckhead landlords. Unfortunately, if the housing situation is anything like it was when I left (1990), the perfect place is little more than a pipe dream. But the conditions this putz has imposed on you are unreasonable and unconscionable. And, if I’m not mistaken, he certainly can’t tell you when you can flush the fucking toilet! It sounds to me like you have two choices:
Confront him with your displeasure regarding his anal-retentive bullshit rules, remind him that you pay good money for that space and expect to be able to live some kind of normal existence for that money, and remind him further that finding a new tenant is probably more trouble than it’s worth, so buy some earplugs and deal with it!
Find another place with a few less amenities but a landlord who is either absent or human!
Correct me if I’m wrong, but not flushing the toilet after so many uses, and then having to wait until morning-wouldn’t that run the risk of the toilet stopping up?
Well, I just ran into his wife, “Good Cop,” who apologized profusely, said she cannot believe he left me that message, walked herself from my bedroom to my bathroom and said, “what the hell does he expect you to do, crawl?”
He’s probably beating the tar out of her right now.
