C-I-L-L my land-lo'd.

The BBQ Pit
1

Except, unlike Eddie Murphy, I got a reason. I knew this guy was tight-wired and obsessive when I moved in 6 mos. ago (he Windexes the front door every time someone uses it). Every couple of weeks, he’ll ask me “not to walk so loud,” because the noise bothers him. “Could you not go into your office after 9:00 at night? It’s right over my bedroom.” “When you walk into the kitchen, it makes the light on my ceiling shake.” Mind you, I’m self-conscious enough about my weight!

So he’s got me tip-toeing around like Anne Fucking Frank up here, and tonight (after a very upsetting evening) I get home to find a loooong message on my answering machine, about how “when you get up to use the bathroom at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning it wakes me up and I can’t get back to sleep and I just lie there, and this can’t go on.”

Mind you, I am a really good tenant. The world’s best, perhaps. Never late with the rent, no loud music or parties and god knows no creaking bedsprings. I put on my bedroom slippers as soon as I get home, it’s not like I’m goddam clog-dancing up here. The problem is, this house is made out of tissue paper: I’ve never mentioned to him that I can hear him and his wife yelling at each other like they’re standing next to me, because I realize the house is made out of tissue paper, and I just have to deal with it. Now this schmoe wants me to wet the bed for fear of getting up at night and shuffling quietly into the bathroom?

Any NY-area Dopers know of any good apts. available? 'Cause I am this close to C-I-L-L-I-N-G my land-lo’d.

2

Just don’t flush. That, rather than your slipper-shuffling feet, is probably what’s awakening him.

Oh, and maybe you could suggest he turn down his hearing aid a bit. :wink:

3

If I were you, I’d go anywhere in my apartment that I wanted, whenever I wanted. You pay rent for the space, use it as you see fit. Don’t let his passive-aggressive bullying get to you.

4

Oh, but I don’t flush! He made it quite clear when I moved in that no flushing was to go on between 10:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m.! No, it’s my walking. What is apparently my loud tell-tale heart-like stomping between the bedroom and the bathroom that takes place maybe once a night. I’d jokingly suggest he buy me a chamber pot, but you know, I think he’d do it.

Oh, he’s not a passive-aggressive bully, he just an aggressive bully. I’ve been trying to laugh it all off and tell him I will try not to any more Morris dancing and will break off my affair with Michael Flatley, hoping he’ll see how delusional he’s being (his beleagured wife can be seen rolling her eyes behind him during these tirades). I’m avoiding him this weekend, as we are both obviously at the end of our ropes and I do not want to get into a screaming match with him–really I do not have the money or the energy to move again.

5

Fuck that guy. Time to move houses.

6

But other than having Col. Klink as a landlord, it’s a great place: cross-ventilation, nice neighborhood, walking distance to trains, shopping, laundromat. An actual office, for the first time ever! Plenty of storage space. This is probably the best apt. I’ve ever had or will ever have, though the rent is $4,000/year more than my last place.

I’m just not allowed to walk on the floor, is all.

7

Is there a way to move to a different unit in the same complex? Just so you don’t have to be right over the guy?

8

May he get our neighbors, or an “improved” fascimilie of them for upstairs tenants next. (The wife is a “fishwife” who shrieks at the top of her lungs no matter what, they slam the door loudly, and they get frequent visits from their grown daughter who is just like her mother.) I think he’d be a pile of smoldering ashes by the time the wife was done with him if he tried to tell them they couldn’t flush the toilet at certain times. I’d pay good money to be a fly on that wall. :smiley:

On a more serious note, save the message, and consult an attorney. (Was the no flushing bit actually put in writing?!) I do not know New York law, but Mr. Clawbane points out that what he is doing is considered “hostile landlord” tactics. Look into it?

9

Get a pair of rollerskates and wear them around the house. Then when he complains about the noise you can truthfully say, “But I’m not walking around up there. Perhaps you’re just imagining it?” :smiley:

10

Perhaps you SHOULD mention it to him?

11

If it’s not carpeted, what about some area rugs? They can help cut down on the noise that they pick up.

Of course, if it is already carpeted, then I don’t know what to tell you to do.

12

Huh. I’d always pictured eve floating in air a few fractions of an inch above the ground, never actually coming in contact with it.

13

One of my previous boyfriends told me that I walked like a cow. I’m not exactly sure how cows walk, but I didn’t think it was a very loving thing to say. Are you walking like a cow?

14

How’s a cow walk? They look pretty dainty to me, but then I only see them eating grass in meadows. God knows how they behave in the barn!

15

Having played with them in person, the way they walk is easily described.

HEAVILY. With little regard to etiquette or obstacles.

16

A gait otherwise known as “stumpy.” And unabashedly graceless. I’m no small person, and I once had a cow shove me against a wall in her zeal to get into the milking parlor. That’s when I learned not to stand in front of them.

I have a friend who walks like a cow. Normally wouldn’t care, except he also fancies himself to be 300 pounds of Aikido mastery. Wouldn’t tell him so to his face, though. Can I take it the relationship didn’t last long with that boyfriend, indecisive1?

17

Frankly, I’m shocked! (You’ve never seemed the shrinking violet type to me. :wink: ) Here you have an apartment in which you can’t enter your office after 9:00, can’t flush the toilet for ten hours out of the day, and have to tiptoe around like a thief in the night when you have the gall to actually be at home…but other than that, it’s a great apartment?

Really, Eve - and I’m aware you likely don’t want advice from me - but I mean…c’mon, this is no way to live. Just live like a normal person and let him do his worst. What’s he gonna do, take you to court and try to evict you? I can just see him telling a judge that you’re breaking your lease by flushing your toilet and walking around in your apartment.

People have to make concessions when they rent to other people. If he wants income from that apartment he’s gonna have to put up with people, you know, living their lives in it. He is never gonna find anyone he’s happy with, and you’re probably trying harder than anyone else would.

My guess is he won a couple of small victories early on and now thinks he can bully you over every little thing he doesn’t like. He is bound by the terms of the lease just like you are, and you have a right to live normally in your own apartment.

IMO, you should stop acquiescing to this guy and assert your rights as a tenant. Tell him you’re going to start living normally in the space you’re paying good money for, and if he doesn’t like it he can take you to court (which he’s very unlikely to do as it will cost him money and he doesn’t have a leg to stand on) or else cover your time and expenses (including the hiring of movers) in finding another place.

Regards,
SA

P.S. - On the other hand, have you considered suggesting earplugs? I keep a pair of foam ear plugs (about $2 for 10) in my nightstand. If neighbors or barking dogs start to bother me, I pop 'em in, wait for 'em to expand, and resume blissful sleep. They are soft, comfortable, and won’t keep him from hearing something like a smoke alarm, but they’ll certainly block out the kind of noise you’re making.

Given all that he’s demanding from you, and the fact that you’re paying good money for that apartment, I don’t think you’d be out of line at all to suggest that if the noise you make is so troublesome to him, the most logical and simple (and fair) thing to do would be for him to simply use a comfortable pair of ear plugs at night so you can go into your office, flush your toilet and walk around normally in your own home at night. Either that or he should pay for you to move someplace else.

18

ohmygod, that is just the best!

Don’t you know you’re supposed to lay face down on the floor and drag yourself from room to room between the hours of 8 pm and 9 am? Hmm? Well, apparently you skipped that page in the Tenant Etiquette Book - your bad, clearly.

19

You get what you pay for, obviously.

20

Eve, that sucks, and if I were you I’d definitely be moving out. A “great apartment” isn’t so great if you can’t enjoy reasonable amenity and use of what you are paying for. The guy is a jerk and doesn’t deserve your money.

I’ve gotta admit I’m blessed. My landlord is a nice (almost weirdly nice) young bloke. He’s a rookie cop who still has ideals. He has a pretty wife, a cute baby son, and the house is a sweet little whitewashed cottage with flowers out the front (just a shame about the evil, hairy misanthrope [me, in case you missed it] living down the back). The common walls were once the exterior ones, and as the house is seventy years old, they are thick as anything. My landlord plays drums, and I can barely hear him. I never hear the baby cry. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if I did. That’s part of living in a city. I don’t mind the human sounds to a certain degree.