I give you G4. Contact your local cable provider, etc, etc, etc.
The Channels of Music Videos - No reality shows, no award shows, no concerts even. Just music videos. Several channels separated by both genre and decade. We can combine some decades or genres that are short of programming material.
The Award Show Network - Put every god damned fucking boring worthless piece of shit award show - FOR EVRYTHING! - on one channel that I don’t ever have to scan through, since it will be blocked on my equipment.
The All Star Trek Channel - If we pool all the movies, series, promos, and DVD extras, we would have so much programming… Seriously. If TNT can show a movie seven times on one weekend, then why can’t we Trekkers have a channel that would only repeat about once every two and a half months? Just vary the prime time slots, all I ask.
The Scary and/or Shocking Moments Channel - Culled from all sources, news, movies, shows, sporting events, whatever. If it made ya jump, faint, or cry out in shock, pain, or disbelief, put it here.
Why even bother with videos? If you have satellite or digital TV, there’s usually a thirty to a hundred “channel” block at the end and each one is nonstop music with no commercials, songs you’ll never hear on the radio or see on music television, and, except in the Top 40 stations, playlists that don’t repeat for days, if they even have one.
The REAL Sci-Fi channel, all the Treks, BSG, Dr. Who, Red Dwarf, Farscape, Lexx, Futurama, MST3K, Tripping the Rift, Stargate, Space-1999, Quark, etc… the current skiffy channel will be renamed “the Stupid Crap That Isn’t Sci-Fi Channel”
the Cult channel; take all the above shows, Family Guy, Forever Knight, Buffy, Sledge Hammer! etc… and other cult TV programs
consolodate all the sports, religious, shopping, reality show and other “undesirable” channels under the umbrella of “the stupid crap that i can block in my TV tuner” channel
i agree with the “stuff that blows up real good” channel, and the “Steve Irwin Outtake” channel (all the footage of when the crazy Aussie does get bitten by his subjects that never makes it into the show)
How about “The Hobby Channel”? Coverage of all kinds of hobbies - Model trains, R/C planes, stamp and coin collecting, R/C cars, HAM radio, audiophile shows reviewing stereo and video gear, you name it.
The Real Learning Channel - Go to the best teachers and professors in the world. Have them tape a series of lectures on the subjects of their expertise. Broadcast the lectures.
actually, real news does exist, though i gather it may be not all that available for you 'murkins. if you have access to a sat, you should be able to pick the beeb & the ceeb(nw) – not perfect, are either of them, but a damn hell ass load better than faux news or cnn.
and another network i’d like to see is the log channel. (on xmas day a bunch of the local channels around swo play the log show, which is just a looped shot of a burning log in a fireplace.) that, times 24hrs/365 would be awesomeness.
Channel LIVE: All Live, All the Time.
Basically a regular old network station, but everything’s live. Everything. Primetime would consist of a few sitcoms like The Honeymooners, and of course an improvisational comedy show like Whose Line is it Anyway.
You mean the Science Fiction Channel, right. As opposed to the paranormal crap channel we have now?
The PIETRY CHANNEL: nothing but religious -themed movies from the 1930’s-40’s, etc. Stuff like Pat O’Brien playing a priest, Bing Crosbey playing a priest, Barry Fitzgerald playing a priest, etc.
-The GANGSTER CHANNEL: all Mafia, all the time.
-The REAL ESTATE CHANNEL: all those guys who have “can’t fail” “no money down” to buy a $700,000 house…also those guys who were broke last week, and now they make $200,000/month.
-and finally, the “B Movie” Chaeel-shows all the box-office bombs…stuff like ISHTAR, GIGLI, etc.,etc.
****ing Internet Explorer ate my first post. :mad:
Anyway…
There’s already an Anime Network, luckily enough. Not that it does me any good, since I don’t get it.
The Hitler Channel
Not a pro-nazi channel, just all the WWII-Germany related documentaries that The History Channel isn’t running at the moment.
The Legitimate Documentaries that have Nudity And/Or Sex Channel
For all the porn-starved teenagers and guys who don’t want to pay extra for Cinemax. Expect “movie night” showings of Zulu, Roots, and At Play in the Fields of the Lord during Sweeps. Desmond Morris would be network chairman.
The Fishtank Channel
A camera in a nice fishtank, or two. Millions of viewers go into mourning when “Little Nell” the Plecostomus dies of Ich.
The Good Shows that Got Cancelled for No Good Reason only to be Replaced by Reality TV or Some Other Crap Channel
Firefly; Futurama; Freaks and Geeks, etc.
The Preempted Programming Channel
Only activated when shows or saturday morning cartoons are preempted by sports, or news events. (Screw Tienamen Square…I want to know how Flintstone Kids ends, goddamnit! 
)
The Neglected News Channel
Shows the news stories that the other networks don’t because it’s not “exciting” enough.
The Bad Movie Channel
Shows the awful movies that the other networks don’t even bother airing. Audience would probably be low, but so should the operating costs.
The Circus Channel
Pay-subscription only. But as a bonus, members get free bread. (Roman Meal)
The Offensive Cartoon Network
All the animated works that Warner Brothers and Disney don’t want people to see anymore. You know the ones I’m talking about.
Just think of the frat house drinking games that would be able to go on, all year long.
Log falls over as it burns - have a shot
Fire spits an ember out - have a shot
POKER! - have two shots
But seriously, here’s my pick:
The Extra Bolt Channel - step-by-step presentations of “shadetree” auto repair. Every extra part you wind up with is one less bit to break later on!
You know, there was a cable system in Columbus, OH years ago that had such a channel.
Yes!!
Can I give it back? Because it’s crap. Not to mention that they bought and gutted TechTV, which was an excellent network. Just the other day I saw a preview of the upcoming game “Madden NFL 2003.”
(They only have 5 episodes of anything they didn’t steal from TechTV.)
The Geek Channel: Programming of everything, from hand-hacking machine code for an obsolete programmable calculator to optimizing vectorizable FORTRAN for a massive physics simulation project. Algorithms for everything: Graphics, abstract algebra, strong cryptography, everything. Cooking shows that end up with a server inside a pizza box, or OpenBSD installed on a VAX emulator running on an x86 emulator running on a Sun. A bunch of science and technology geeks MiSTing random dumb sci-fi flicks. rms singing his free software folk songs. (Warning: A 211k (and damned near unlistenable) .mp3 lives there. The same song in a more appealing death metal style is here, but this file is a bit over 2M.) Okay, maybe not that last one.
SF Movies: Kinda like TMC, but focusing on the best and worst of science fiction from the past century or so of moviemaking. They could devote a week to an Apocalypse: 1970 theme, and run shows like Colossus: The Forbin Project and Z.P.G. and Soylent Green and Logan’s Run and everyone’s favorite, Zardoz. And, of course, it’ll steal the idea of MiSTing the stinkers from TGC. 
Punker’s Paradise: Music, both old and new, that is unappreciated and at least tangentally related to punk. Not the formulaic punk sold by marketroids off and on since the 1970s, but the punk that launched Devo, Talking Heads, Blondie, and The Ramones out of the same nightclub. The punk founded on the idea that anyone who can convince himself to pick up a guitar and learn a couple chords is capable of making a record, and dedicated to the proposition that all rules are created equally fucking moronic. A music channel with open mic nights, where they play anything and anyone that comes in the door.
Basic Training: How to balance a checkbook. How to treat a car accident victim. How to maintain a sanitary living space without buying antibacterial anything. How to defend yourself, unarmed and armed with various weapons. Essentially, the basics of surviving in the real world.
Screensaver: Any kind of display hack imaginable. Put stock footage through the most bizarre filters you can imagine and air it. Flying toasters on your TV screen. Hell, the xscreensaver package contains a program that plays Pong with itself, and a program that plays Pac-Man with itself. For audio, run algorithmically-generated music.
I’d watch this, too!
I really miss Patrick Norton getting pissed off about some new form of copyprotection and “inadvertantly” blurting out how to get around it.