Just having an adult aware of the problem and a counselor who teaches some coping techniques can work wonders. Just hearing an angry kid and helping him understand that he’s not angry at his teachers can help. Calling the cops on the parents of a kid who is getting hit often causes the abuser to rachet down the abuse–at least for a while. A visit from CPS can have the same effect. Sometimes in primary education, the parents really are just clueless. They can be educated. Hungry kids can be fed. Kids with learning disabilities can be diagnosed, and they can get supports. Older homeless kids can be directed to drop in shelters for homeless teens, where they can stay the afternoon and evening before they go to whatever couch they are crashing on tonight. They can do homework, have a meal and shower–which makes them less of a burden on others, and makes finding a couch easier.
Let me tell you how this happens. You have some kid, he’s 12 years old. His mom has been leaving him alone overnight, because she’s dumb and careless. He shows up to school in clothes that are outside dress code–his jeans have a hole in the knee or whatever. He didn’t mean to violate dress code, it’s just in trying to figure out how to get himself up, fed, dressed, and to school. He’s embarrassed that his mom is gone. He thinks others will call her a whore, and if anyone finds out, she’s going to get in trouble. At the door, he’s yelled at by the security person. She sends him to the office. The office is a busy, chaotic place. They tell him if he doesn’t change clothes, he can’t go to class. He freezes. He can’t get home, he can’t call his mom, and he thinks he can’t tell them why.
Now, this is the critical part. If this 12 year old is visibly upset, if’s he’s little, if he’s middle class, if he’s white, and especially if he’s all of those things, there’s a really good chance the powers that be will let it go. When he says “My mom can’t come”, they will assume she’s working. It’s a kinda borderline offense anyway. They may give him a piece of duct tape to put over the hole, and send him to class.
But if he’s black, and especially if he’s dark skinned and BIG, and especially if he doesn’t look upset, they will read that as willful defiance. If he just stands there are looks dumbly at them–petrified, and holding it all in out of pride and fear–they will see that as “fuck you”. They will feel vaguely threatened. They will tell him if he can’t call someone to bring his clothes up, he will have to go to ISS. They will see this as a threat to make him give in, and call mom. He will see it as a way out of the crisis of the moment. He will say “That’s fine”, trying to convey his willingness to comply. He will say it in the flattest voice possible, in order to show he’s not angry. They will take that as “fuck you, I don’t care about school”. He will go to ISS. He will try to do his work, but it doesn’t show up until afternoon. When he does get his work, he does his best, but without directions or support, it’s terrible. He’s bored most of the day. He does meet some other guys, and they seem alright. He’s a little less afraid of being “bad”, and ISS seems okay.
His 6th grade teachers are notified that he’s in ISS. They don’t know it’s for having a hole the size of a quarter in his jeans. They mentally put him in the “bad” kid category, which is easier to do when it’s a big dark-skinned black kid who never talks and holds himself rigid all the time. The work they get back is crap, and they assume that’s because he’s stupid or doesn’t care, because they haven’t really thought through what doing the work without the lesson would be like.
At this point, this kid is fucked. He will never be extended the benefit of the doubt on anything. Everything he does will be interpreted in the worst possible light. He will end up in ISS more and more often for stuff other people get away with. He will start to identify with being a bad kid. He’ll make friends in ISS. They will start to engage in behaviors that really are disruptive. His grades will drop further and further because he’s in ISS often enough (and there are days he doesn’t come to school, by this point) that he feels lost and confused when he’s there, but he’s too embarrassed to ask for help. He cares less and less about school. The powers that be will be more and more frustrated with him because “ISS doesn’t affect him”, so they start suspending him “for real”. At this point, he’s got no chance of graduating HS.
This sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME. I promise you. It’s a huge problem. But again, in America our biggest worry is not helping people, it’s making sure that no one gets away with anything. So better for a 100 well-intentioned children to be suspended and their life derailed than one legitimate “bad kid” learn how to work a system and get away with being a shit.