Well, I’m single, so my opinion may need to be taken with a grain of salt. However, I
guess this goes back to the age old “When Harry Met Sally” debate of whether two people of the opposite sex can be genuinely platonic friends.
Some people think there must be some sexual tension in all male-female friendships.
Obviously for those people, the idea of keeping a friend of the opposite sex after marriage seems dangerous.
However, there are those of us who believe that male-female friendships can indeed be totally platonic.
I definitely think that cheating is a reflection of how devoted the partners are and how healthy the marriage is, not about whether an easy opportunity for extramarital sex presented itself…especially in the case of women cheaters (I’ve read female cheaters are more inclined to cheat because they’re lacking an emotional connection, whereas men tend to cheat more to get plain ole sexual release…not something that most of us would be surprised by, I’m guessing).
I figure those who are in troubled relationships and are inclined to cheat will find someone to cheat with one way or another even if they don’t have any friends of the opposite sex to serve as handy sex toys, so it does come down to trust.
I tend to feel more comfortable with men than I do with other women, and tend to find the things men like to talk about more interesting than girly stuff, which has resulted in all of my close friends being men. I certainly hope that whoever I end up married to can accept my guy buddies. Those guys are truly like brothers to me, so I know that in my case they don’t pose any threat at all.
Of course, I would definitely try to reassure my husband by letting him meet the guys, hang out with us, read our emails to each other, and such. If you have nothing to hide, then of course you would want the friendship to be open to the spouse’s scrutiny.
However, I would never cut off a friendship just because my spouse didn’t like the friendship. I believe in loyalty in ALL relationships - whether friendly or romantic - and I would consider it a betrayal to just unceremoniously dump a friend unless they were intentionally trying to undermine my marriage or showing disrespect to my husband. So, needless to say, I would try to avoid marrying the sort of person who would demand for me to ditch my guy pals in the first place!
With that being said, though, I definitely think that the woman in the OP was right to cut off the friendship before things got out of hand. It definitely sounds like the woman started off looking for an excuse to cheat or leave her marriage by rekindling her “friendship” with you. I agree that her admission there was tension in the marriage was probably an invitation for some kind of hanky panky. It is a huge red flag when the married person is sharing things with their “buddy” that they wouldn’t share with their spouse. I have a hunch that she had a crush on you back in the high school days and was wondering if there was still any potential there.
Perhaps she had an attack of guilt or got scared at the idea of losing her hubby…but in any case, it’s probably for the best that the friendship was stopped before the attachment grew stronger. I know it’s very sad for you (I hate losing friends for any reason), but it would have led to much more heartbreak for all the parties if she had ended up crossing the line and cheating with you.
Based on my experiences, I definitely think it is possible to have a male-female friendship with no trace of sexual tension (some guys have told me that ALL guys secretly want to screw their female pals, but since my best friend is a gay man I feel very secure that in his case at least, it really is platonic for both of us 
). However, it’s obvious that in some cases the sexual tension IS a threat. In those cases, yes, you do need to nip it in the bud. However, I would have missed out on a lot if I had restricted myself to just female friends. Sometimes talking to the opposite sex in a friendly way can give you insight into how they think that might end up making the friendship better.
Married men may as a group be somewhat less likely to proposition married women, but frankly, if someone’s willing to cross the “married people shouldn’t mess around” line once, then crossing it twice in one relationship doesn’t seem like much more of a stretch to me.
Married men may as a group be somewhat less likely to proposition married women, but frankly, if someone’s willing to cross the “married people shouldn’t mess around” line once, then crossing it twice in one relationship doesn’t seem like much more of a stretch to me.