One day i was in my backyard, and a saw this huge catepillar on a leaf just chillin’. I took it upon myself to bash him with a baseball bat, and I swear to god, just as he splattered all over my aluminum bat, he let out a shriek!! Whats the deal?
Was he (or you for that matter) smoking something before you hit him?
Things are random only insofar as we don’t understand them.
ah, okay. the smoking theory explains all the taunting that came from the catepillar before i ended his life.
Was it sitting on a mushroom, smoking a hookah? If so, save the mushroom.
What kind of a question is this?!?
Of course caterpillars can’t talk!
Ask any spider! They’ll tell ya!
I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
One week, four days, 13 hours, 24 minutes and 27 seconds.
462 cigarettes not smoked, saving $57.79.
Life saved: 1 day, 14 hours, 30 minutes.
One time when I was about 10 years old, I was burning an ant with a magnifying glass and I swear I heard it screaming. I figured later that it was just boiling hot love escaping from his body.
Was this caterpillar on fire, by any chance?
The catepillar was not on fire, but had the baseball bat scheme failed, i had a can of gas and some matches waiting nearby for backup. Perhaps catepillars have some extrasensory ability like telepathy… perhaps he used the powers of his mind in an attempt communicate with me.
Uh-oh. You’ve been cursed by a caterpillar. What he or she really said was, “You bastard! What did I ever do to you? Just for that, may all women from now on treat YOU like a worm, you…<splat>”
[Nelson voice] Ha-ha! [/Nelson voice]