Can I still enter a long-term, mutually satisfying relationship? Are there any Dopers who have come from a broken home to enter such relationships?
I grew up in a single-family home. Although my mother and father are both married, my father left parenting mostly to my mother. He also travels frequently to work, so I rarely see him. I have not seen him for two years and counting (and enjoying each moment).
I have witnessed my father physically abuse my mother once. Although my mother took my father to the police and eventually the court over this, my mother pleaded with the judge to spare my father a jail sentence. Although my father has not been physical abusive since, he has and remains verbally abusive. He refuses to take responsibility for anything and he burdens my mother with all the financial stuff. She often sleeps at 12 and always wakes by 6 AM just to deal with her job and all the financial crap of our household.
My mother, as a result, is sometimes a bit short-fused. Well, it’s 99% not her fault. It’s my fault for often provoking her. She’s an easy punching bag, since she’s my mother, and I know that no matter how much I might verbally abuse her, she’ll eventually forgive me or live with it, since I’m her son. I don’t try to compound my father’s work. I just often times have a lot of stuff on my shoulders, and I know it’s bad, but I unload on my mother. I also unload on my sister, and I verbally abuse her each day. I realize that I’m wrong, but it’s a hard habit to break. It’s internecine, but I cannot stop.
At school I put on a heavy façade. All my teachers think I am well-mannered. My peers think I am well-mannered. I have friends. They hear other people talk about me. My friends report that other people talk about how nice I am, and how I say “hi” to them each day in the hallway. I’m good friends with the peer-nominated “class clown.” We hang out so often and screw around with each other so much that some people surmise that we’re couples (we’re just friends). In case anyone was wondering, I’m a high school senior.
By any standard, I’m fairly popular. It’s pretty clear that I can put on a pretty good show in front of other people for 7 hours a day. I’m definitely not a stereotypical broken family and antisocial kid at school.
But what happens when I get in a committed relationship and spend more time with other people? What happens if we eventually move in together, and the other person gets to witness me 24 hours a day? Will maintaining this façade of normality become too much? At home with my family I like to unleash on them all, verbally. I do so because I know they’re my family and no matter how much I hurt them, their love is unconditional.
Even if I do maintain a façade of kindness toward my significant other, will one day I start to unleash on them as well, because we’ve gone too far for a divorce (e.g. we have kids) or separation? Me and my sister were the main reasons my mom did not pursue a divorce; she didn’t want us to be raised with an actual stigma of coming from a single-parent household, when in actuality, we might as well have come from a single-parent household.