Actually, as someone pointed out above, the question is “Is it impolite to say ‘Sorry, no’”. The trouble with your argument and others is that you assume that the reply is curt, but the definition of ‘curt’ is ‘rudely brief’. Thus the determination must first be made if the replay is rude in order to call it curt. Terseness is not automatically curt. Politeness has to be based on a reasonable standard, not the least common denominator. The fact that some people would be offended means nothing. I don’t think I need to explain all the ways that people can be offended even when they receive polite responses.
Yes, you were rude, or at least borderline so. Politeness is a social construct, and in situations like these, especially when dealing with kids, it is borderline rude to simply refuse a request, without giving some kind of explanation.
Saying ‘sorry’ before a flat refusal doesn’t make it any more polite than saying ‘no offence, but…’ before an insult does.
I’ll add that your demeanour in this thread has not been particularly polite, either.
Summary: saying ‘sorry, no’ is curt to the point of rudeness.
Not to say the mother wasn’t also rude to badger you, though.
To me, “do you have the time?” is not an actual request to know the time, in most cases, but rather a conversation starter. Very occasionally someone has asked me the time, I’ve given it, and then they thank me (or not) and go on their merry way. Or hurried way. Instead, guys ask me the time (or did, back when I wore a watch) and then tried to chat me up. So, IME, asking for the time of day is actually an icebreaker most of the time, and is not a genuine anxiety that one is about to become a White Rabbit. YMMV.
I had a guy totally go off on me a while back when I asked if I could pet his dog. It’s not like the dog was nervous about crowds or anything, either, there was literally nobody else around but the two of us. He didn’t just say no, either, he starts freaking out, waving his arms and yelling a bunch of gibberish about “evacuation” and “bomb-sniffing” or something. Geez, sorry I asked, Mr. Grouchy!
This is surprising to me, but, then again, I’m an average looking guy. Every time someone has asked me “do you have the time,” their request was, quite plainly, for the time. Maybe if I had a pair of tits it would be different.
Wait, how is this relevant in a “Can I pet your dog” thread again?
We had a dog when I was a child. But with someone else’s dog, I was taught always to ask permission to pet it, don’t go near it when it’s eating or it’s a mother with her pups, and other common-sense things.
There are a lot of people out there who think they’re ENTITLED to getting you to do whatever they want unless you can state a reason that satisfies THEM.
You could get one of these and possibly wouldn’t be asked the question so much.
I think these are a good idea for a reactive dog. You can’t socialize the dog unless you can take him into the kinds of places he needs to get used to, but if you can’t take him there because people are scaring him, then you can never get him used to them.
Besides this one I’ve linked to, I’ve also seen leashes that have the words woven in, along with an appropriate color. Red for don’t pet, yellow for caution, green for okay to pet!
I don’t think the OP was rude. I have a slightly reactive dog myself, and sometimes he gets all excited and barks. I wouldn’t want him to bark at a friendly child and possibly scare the child away from dogs forever. If I have treats, I have sometimes asked a kid if he wanted to give him a treat, and this usually works but does not guarantee he’ll sit still for petting afterward. But there are some days when “Sorry, no,” has to be the answer. It’s usually “Sorry, not today.” I don’t know if that’s any better, and probably would apply to my situation (regular walks through the same neighborhoods) better than a one-time art fair.
If your measurements are 37-27-38, many guys will turn any conversation into a request for your contact info. Including a request for the time. Maybe he’s curious as to the time, but he’ll ask it of the woman with an hourglass figure.
It’s relevant to this discussion because it shows that people will ask a person for something, and expect to get that something if they just use the word please.
Exactly my point. It’s not particularly rude to say “No, sorry” because you don’t want to play the game of “I’ll come up with reasons why I don’t want to do whatever you want, and they won’t satisfy you”, which can be quite time consuming.
Nobody is owed an explanation. Not even a little kid. I don’t have to say “Oh, I am SO broke right now” when someone asks me to donate to a charity, even if the asker says “Please please PLEASE”. And I sure as hell don’t have to prove how broke I am. I don’t have to tell someone why I don’t want to participate in a “volunteer” position at work (party planning committee, etc.) (and I use quotes for volunteer, because a lot of time it’s not really voluntary). When I say “Sorry, no”, that is or should be enough.
Each of us has the right to set our own limits on social interactions. We are not obliged to coo over babies and brides unless we’re actually, you know, related to the baby or bride in question. And even then, we don’t have to coo endlessly. We are not obliged to play the “Why?” game with random kids, you know, when you make a statement and the kid says “Why?”, not out of curiosity on the subject, but just to keep you talking to him or her.
You have every right in the world to be rude to strangers. Do not be surprised, however, if others find it rude.
In the case of the OP, no-one is suggesting that the fellow had to engage these people in debate. Nor is anyone claiming that the mom wasn’t rude herself to question the decision, once made. However, there is no reason to assume in advance that a kid and mom at a street art fair are going to be rude, and so use pre-emptory rudeness on them.
Same with someone asking for the time. Sure, you can judge that the person isn’t really asking for the time, but wants your number (or worse, is setting you up for a mugging, or whatever). Then, be as rude as you want. The only consequences are that, if you are wrong, people will think you are rude, because you quite literally will not give them the time of day. Imagine if the person who asked you for the time turns out to be anxious to be on time to interview you for a job opening. Awkward!
Myself, I prefer to be polite to people until they have, you know, actually demostrated some offensive behavior that justifies not being polite to them. I do not count a child asking politely to pet one’s animal, or a person asking politely for the time, has acted offensively. Hence, the default setting is to treat them politely. At least initially. Should they then go on to act impolitely, be curt in return.
Reminds me of something I’ve almost started a thread about a couple of times. If I am at home, I don’t plop down on a chair for hours on end. I’ll got outside 2 or 3 times an hour for 5 to 10 minutes. Pretty much every hour I am home and awake.
So, I am often out front watching the birds, squirrels, airplanes, clouds, approaching thunderstorms, sunrises, sunsets, the stars, satellites, people walking their dogs, people running, walking, driving by blah blah blah.
I “know” a bunch of my distant neighbors only in the fact I see them going by. I wave, they nod or wave and its all good. The old fart in the red Toyota. That teenage boy in the heavily modified junker. That preacher down the street and his wife in the Lincoln town car. Some are more friendly than others, but we generally acknowledge each others existence with a wave, a nod, or a smile.
Then there are the people walking or running by. I’ll say hi or wave and if it seems they want to engage in some friendly chatting I am happy to do it. If not, a nod or something is perfectly okay by me and off they continue.
Except for one guy and his wife who walk by every day. They won’t even acknowledge my very existence. No eye contact. Nothing. This has been going on for years. Technically they don’t have to.
But guess what? If I see him broke down alongside the road how friendly and helpful do you think I’m going to be feeling?
Umm, is anyone in this conversation 37-27-38? And the OP was asked by a Mom and child… would this hypothetical hourglass figured lady suspect they were hitting on her?
Yes, there’s all sorts of conversations going on out there. Regardless, a simple short explanation added to a curt “no” is simple politeness. If it turns out the question was some insidious plot to ask you out on a date, then feel free to be rude.
My good friend and neighbor, who I’ll call Miss Congeniality (MC), is a waver. Our mutual neighbor, K, is not. They were casual friends, too, hanging out on each other’s porches on occasion. Still, K would not return the wave. And it bugged MC to no end.
This went on for years. MC went through several phases, from ignoring K altogether (that’ll sting!) to hugely exaggerated smiles and waves. Still nothing. Then one summer day, Miss Congeniality had had ENOUGH. She waved as K passed by. And when she got nothing back, she stepped into the street and raised her middle finger…just in time to see K raise her hand to wave back, for the very first time.
I have two young girls that like dogs, so any walk I take with them is punctuated with them asking strangers “Hi, please may I pet your dog?”. We have our OWN dog, but of course the grass is greener…
As far as I am concerned, my girls and I know that we are intruding* on someone else’s day/time/space when we ask. If we get the response “sorry, no”, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. If it bothered the girls, I would have reminded them (likely out of earshot) that we are intruding, that the dog could be skittish, the owner in a hurry, etc., and that’s exactly why we ask first.
Some people will reinforce the girls’ approach (“Thank you for asking first”), some will explain why they can’t pet the dog if they can’t, but I don’t think it’s rude not to do that. It’s all a learning experience for the kids.
Now, the parent disagreeing with you over saying no - she is in the wrong!
*Intruding is how I see it, as an introvert, anyway. I know others may not.
Huh. Even when I didn’t own a dog (which is 99% of my life), I was always taught it was polite to ask. I was even at a farmer’s market today where a child got yelled at by his mother for not asking first. Must be a cultural difference (as I understand you’re from Ireland. ETA: Or maybe it’s Northern Ireland. At any rate, not from my geographic/cultural background.)