I think kids are taught in school here, with an unfamiliar dog, they should always ask first.
You have no obligation, of course. But if the amount of social interchange required in explaining to others is too great for you (no harm, no foul, I’ve had those days!), put a tag on him “I’m having a grumpy day!”. It would take a second to do, save you the polite interchange you seem to find imposing and tedious.
You will not be questioned, people will get it, the dog will be fine.
It’s never occured to me to ask if I could pet a dog, either.
Of course that’s because I don’t walk around wanting to pet strange dogs. My own pets, sure. The pets of my friends that I’m around long enough to get to know and be known? Yes. But I just don’t get wanting to fondle random dogs.
I wish dogs in general well, don’t get me wrong. I hope they are happy and healthy, but I have no desire to touch them.
I don’t pet dogs so much because I personally get anything out of it. I got pets at home I can and do fondle 24/7 (just ask em). Its because most dogs really like meeting and getting petted by strangers. It also helps a dog to become more socialized and therefore less likely to act up, be scared, or bit someone while they are in public. So, you are being nice to the dog and helping the dog become a better dog.
We’ve had a new guy walking his dog through the neighborhood lately. His dog is about a 35 pounder. First time I saw him I said hi and asked if I could pet her. He told me she was skittish around other people and dogs. I told him I understood and I’d take the risk but maybe we could work on that. He agreed. So, now everytime he swings by I pet her and I often go get our dog for a moment. She’s still a bit shy but she is getting better.
I’ve seen a blind woman get totally confused by her dog’s signals, because someone just came up and petted the dog without saying anything to the woman. I spoke up, loudly, and said that the dog was getting petted by a stranger who clearly didn’t understand that the dog was working right now.
The petter seemed to be embarrassed, but he quit petting the dog. And the dog went back to being on duty.
However, when I was growing up, my mother was friends with a blind couple, so I learned early on about asking someone if I could pet the dog, and to not bother a working dog, even if the dog would enjoy being petted.
I really don’t know. I suspect here though if you had a dog that was skittish enough to attack a child that randomly petted it then it would be muzzled in public/social situations like the OP described. I don’t see that many muzzled dogs though. Some dogs obviously aren’t interested in human contact so I wouldn’t go near them but I can’t speak for wee kids. Maybe it’s more common here too that dogs walk around off a lead on streets without their owner obviously nearby?
Yeah, walking a dog off-lead/leash here in an urban environment–well, I don’t consider that too cool, unless it’s done in specially designated areas. It pissed me off before I had a dog, because when I jogged through the neighborhood those yappy little fucks would come and try to nip at my heels. And, now, I have a breed of dog that is looked at askance by a lot of folks, so if something happens and a small off-leash dog provokes mine (who seems so far not to be easily provoked), who’s going to get in trouble? And then I won’t even start about the people who let their pitbulls run off leash at 2 a.m. for their exercise, so when my wife goes out to grab something from her car, she gets charged at by an unfamiliar (although friendly) 60 pound dog made of pure muscle, who just wants to say “hello!” If you live in a metropolitan area, keep that dog on a leash.
I am very much a dog person, and love to meet new pups, but I do always ask. If the person said just “sorry, no,” I would feel a bit rebuffed, but I’d assume the dog had issues with socialization. It might cross my mind that the owner did too.
I have two dogs right now, one who takes stranger attention in stride and loves being petted, and one who…does not. The one who doesn’t needs more socialization, and we’re working on that. She reacts badly to people who are not “her family” being anywhere near her. If I am walking with the dogs and someone asks if they can pet my dogs, I always say, yes, you can love on the black and white lady, but keep your distance from the brown pup, she is very nervous about stranger danger! I don’t use those exact words, but I make sure they understand. Honestly, I am thrilled that sometimes rambunctious kids know to ASK so I would not want to come across as brusque. I want to encourage that kind of behavior, so I make sure I answer kindly. And some part of my brain feels like if my nervous nelly hears my calm, conversational tone, she will feel these strangers are more “okay” in her book. Silly, I know, but I feel like if I brushed the kids off and strode away, the idea that they are dangerous might be reinforced in her fluffy little head. Kids are fascinated by furry critters, and I understand that fascination.
Incidentally, I am a girl, and any time I’ve been asked the time, I assume it’s because they really want to know the time. It rarely is a pretext to chat me up – except in a bar or somewhere similar.
My life more or less revolves around dogs, and I NEVER pet other people’s dogs, unless the dog very obviously initiates contact with me, and you’d be surprised how rarely this happens if you are completely neutral in demeanor.
If you go to a sheepdog trial or other gathering where there are a lot of highly trained dogs accompanied by experienced dog people, you won’t see anybody petting anyone else’s dog. Or talking to them. Or staring into their faces. It is considered to be stupid, ill-mannered, and quite possibly dangerous behavior. Frankly I do not understand the obsession with petting other people’s dogs. If you could read dog body language you’d see that the majority of dogs only tolerate it, they don’t enjoy it, and for many dogs, it is quite a strain to tolerate it. And then there are the dogs who cannot tolerate it. Petting other people’s dogs is selfish, it is only for YOUR pleasure, not the dog’s, even if the dog does an obsequious puppy-crawl with flattened ears for you.
I have one dog who really distrusts strangers. He also has quite poor bite inhibition. I’ve had total strangers push me aside, grab my dog by the face and make kissy kissy sounds, saying “Oh dogs love me!” These people will be lucky to avoid plastic surgery, with this habit. Children are by and large much easier to dissuade, than these adults with bizarrely over-inflated self-images of how loveable they are to animals. I just smile apologetically and say, “my dog doesn’t do well meeting people, sorry.” He does wear a muzzle in places where I am going to encounter a lot of people. Not that he would randomly bite someone, it just keeps people away.
It’s always good to be polite if you can avoid being rude, in my opinion. Just works out better. However, I have had to almost literally fight people off to protect my dog from them, so I see the OP’s point.
The only thing you owe strangers, while walking your dog in public, is to prevent your dog from biting them.
