Can I use some excessive force, Officer?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

On Sunday, Mouse_Spouse, the Mouseling and I ran some errands. At the local Target, we split up. I got into the Starbuck’s line with the Mouseling and Spouse went to the restroom.

While I was placing my order, someone rushed past me and started pushing my cart – with the Mouseling in it - toward the door. I screamed, “Hey! Stop!” and chased the cart. The child-thief turned and grinned at me. It was Mouse_Spouse. He thought that this little stunt was very funny; I wanted to disembowel him. :mad:

My cry of alarm attracted a lot of attention. A security guard and a very serious looking man approached us.

“Is everything alright?” the guard asked.

“Yes. We’re fine, thank you.”

“I know the lady,” the barista said. “She’s here with her baby all of the time. I don’t know the man.” I’ve been outted as an pricey caffeine junkie. Wonderful. (Maybe I stick out at the coffee cart because I order chai tea?)

The stern gentleman stepped forward and identified himself as an off-duty police officer. “What’s going on here?” he asked.

I glared at Mouse_Spouse as a chilling thought came to me: infants don’t carry ID. We had no way to prove that the Mouseling was our child, and, at that moment, I did not want to admit to marrying an idiot.

Spouse explained that he was playing a joke on me. The cop was not happy. He stated that endangering children was not funny and asked for our identification. Same last name, same address, my restrained rage, Spouse’s sheepish demeanor – all of this must have convinced the officer that we were a family. He returned our licenses, advised Spouse against any more pranks and left.

With everyone on the planet staring at us, and my heart racing without the aid of a plant-derived stimulant, I turned on Mouse_Spouse. “Whatthefuckwereyouthinking!” I hissed.

He gave me a wide berth for the rest of the day. If he pulls some sort of April fool’s joke, I may end up on prison. *I don’t look good in orange. I don’t look good in orange. *

2

Even after both of you explained?

3

Oh you poor thing. However, that sounds just like some dumbass stunt my husband would try to pull. Maybe I can head it off at the pass before we have kids. I’m making him read this and threatening him with…yes, disembowlment is about right…if he ever does it.

4

Is disemboweling enough really?

5

No. No, it isn’t.

6

You didn’t recognize your own hubby?

7

Yea really. Did he change his clothes or put on a hoodie or something? I could understand this if maybe you didn’t go to the store with him, and he saw you there and grabbed the cart as he rushed by you. But you were with him all day, should recognize even what colors he’s wearing, and you were seperated from him for all of maybe 10 minutes.
You really couldn’t recognize him until he turned and grinned? Strange.

8

Makes sense to me that she didn’t recognize him. You could be standing there with your hand on the cart with the baby sleeping or playing, and only seeing out of the corner of your eye. And can you imagine the adrenaline when you think someone’s kidnapping your child? I’ve been in a panicky OMGOMGOMG state, and I’d multiply that by about a million. I probably wouldn’t recognize my own mother until I calmed down a bit. Then the backlash of fear would hit in the pit of the stomach. It’s a really thoughtless, carelessly mean prank to pull.

9

Oh for god’s sake, people. When someone snatches your cart WITH YOUR INFANT IN IT, don’t you think your first reaction is to scream and have your adrenaline pump, and then to react and recognize? Get a grip.

Is this a male/female disconnect or what? Seems like the women are understanding instantly.

10

Maybe, lisacurl. I just IMed the story to my husband and his response was “haha?” I said “No. NOT haha.”

11

There definitely would have been punching.
Fortunately, our kid is of an age she can easily identify both of us. “Mommy! Dada!” but I might still have to kill him had he pulled that kind of stunt.

12

this is funny, I just remembered that I didn’t take the hospital bracelet off my first kid for a week after i brought him home because of it.

13

To the guys questioning it, when it’s your baby you just react then you think.

I went out to brunch with friends and my son, my friend and I went to the bathroom while my son stayed with her fiance. When we came out, Dan was standing near a corner and I couldn’t see my son. Dan put on a confused expression as if he didn’t know where Velociraptor was and asked if he had been with us.

My immediate reaction was death glare at Dan and panic (thinking he’d run off into the mall which he will do sometimes), which was quickly followed by Velociraptor hopping from behind the corner and giggling like a maniac thinking it was funny as hell to play a prank on Mommy.

Now I knew Dan was watching my son, and I knew he wouldn’t let him run off (he has some younger siblings about my son’s age and he is great with kids). I also know he’s a bit of a prankster. That didn’t matter in the moment when I thought my son was missing.

It’s the momma bear instinct.

14

Must be. If I were imagining the situation, I would imagine the woman gasping and recognizing, not a battle cry and charge. But, I don’t have kids, so I’m probably wrong.

15

I’m pretty much the definition of clueless guy and even I know that was a bad idea.
You should definately handle it like a mature adult.

Shave off one of his eyebrows while he’s asleep tonight.

16

Father of 3 checking in, and Mouse_Spouse was an idiot. I’d never pull this on my wife, and she’d never pull this on me. My 3 year old hid from me (in Target, as it happens) for about 60 seconds a few weeks ago. Longest 60 seconds of my life. I knew she was hiding, yet I was still about 5 seconds away from grabbing a Target employee and starting a lockdown & search.

17

No. No, you cannot.

“excessive” would imply that any amount of force was not completely and utterly called for. “Excessive” therefore has no meaning in this situation and it would be impossible to use “excessive” force.

For the folks who don’t understand that you didn’t immediately recognize your late husband: When someone rushes up quickly behind/beside you from outside your field of vision, all you detect is a blur. The person has to get closer to your center of vision before you can recognize him. And even then that’ll take at least a fraction of a second. When the first thing your brain detects is “blur”… and the second thing your brain detects is “blur removing baby from in front of me”… your brain ain’t gonna waste time recognizing the blur or its actions. Your brain is going to go into full-blown mama-bear mode and you’re going to ATTACK. Recognition is simply not priority 1 here.

The closest thing like this that ever happened was when Moon Unit was a couple of months old and I was at a shop, with the baby in a sling. The sling fascinated people and they’d come up, ask about it… and often as not, attempt to touch the baby. Moon Unit was a preemie, had been on a vent, and as such I was very protective of exposing her to strange germs when she was that young. Usually a terse “please do not touch the baby” got the message across.

Until that day in the shop. A woman came up behind/beside me. And tried to touch the baby without a WORD to me first.

She (the woman) nearly lost an arm.

I believe all I said was “please do not touch the baby”. But I whirled to face her. And it was not said with a sweet inflection or a smile. In fact I believe I was snarling. The woman may have been clueless enough not to be frightened, but she’d have had to be at least briefly worried.

Guys (and kid-free gals), do NOT underestimate that “defend your young” instinct, especially when mama-bear has been STARTLED.

Mouse-spouse was thoughtless and boneheaded. However from what I understand, he’s proven himself good company many times in the past so perhaps you shouldn’t feed him to the wood-chipper just yet. I do believe some serious grovelling is called for, however!

18

Maybe just one leg in the wood chipper? As a warning?

19

Perhaps not, but if he pulls another stunt like that EVER AGAIN I’m sure you’ll look stunning in black. And utterly justified.

Oh, I see my beloved Mama Zappa has just chimed in. What she said.

20

What strikes me most about the situation is the after-the-fact-tenacity of the security guard and the off duty police officer. They seem to love sorting out a situation where both the “culprit” and the “victim” are standing around, both clearly not posing a threat, and both clearly wanting to be left alone.

It’s quite a contrast to how well they do when sorting out a situation actually takes work on their part.