“Josh” is 15. For the past 7 years, his mentally ill father, “Fred,” has lived in boarding houses and dumpy apartments, when he’s not in a hospital or jail, because his mother, “Jane,” had thrown him out of the house.
For about three years Jane’s sister and brother-in-law had lived in Jane and Fred’s house, taking care of her as she died of cancer and helping her take care of Josh. In gratitude for their care, Jane left her share of her house to her brother and sister-in-law (Fred still retains part ownership).
So Jane died about two weeks ago, when Fred was in the hospital. Fred is getting out in a few days and plans to go back to his house, since Jane is not there to throw him out again. Now, Fred gets along with his in-laws and is glad to have them there to help take care of him and Josh.
But here’s the tricky part: Josh does not want to live in the same house as his father. Now, Fred is not known to be abusive to Josh, and as far as I can tell genuinely seems to love him, but Josh nevertheless does not trust his father and doesn’t want to be in the same house as him. But since his aunt and uncle, the only family he has left, are living in the same house as his father, Josh basically has nowhere to go. As far as I can see it, he can either apply for emancipation (which isn’t likely at age 15) or else voluntarily become a ward of the state.
Can anyone speak to this issue? This is all taking place in Illinois, by the way.
The OP doesn’t suggest that there is any abuse. The problem is lack of trust, adolescent alienation. “Josh” doesn’t trust Fred or want to live with him, but there’s no suggestioni that Fred is a bad or incompetent parent.
I’ve no idea how these things are handled in Illinois, but even if Josh were made a ward of state it wouldn’t follow that he would be removed from the family home, especially given that his uncle and his aunt are there, and he has lived with them for the past three years. Almost certainly the legislation provides that the relevant authorities would have to take a decision in Josh’s best interests, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that they would do what Josh wants. His wishes are only one factor which would go into the decision.
Another signficant factor would be this; what is the alternative for Josh? Institional care? Foster care in the home of a carer? Is there a suitable foster placement available? No offence to Josh, but foster places are limited in most places, and it doesn’t sound to me as though he will be jumped to the top of the queue.
This is a difficult situation, but I suspect that any solution which the family can hammer out themselves is almost certainly going to be more promising that making Josh a ward.
When a child is so alienated from his parent that he wants to become a ward of the State, it seems quite likely that something unspoken is happening. And it could very well be mental/emotional abuse, which is quite real.
How does the OP define abuse? Beatings & etc only? We don’t know.
Hell, in some places, an unsafe home environment due to narcotics use is “child abuse”.
I don’t claim to speak for Josh, but I think his reasons for not wanting to live with Fred are twofold.
The first reason is that Josh barely knows Fred. They only know each other through supervised visits and whatnot. The second reason is that Fred, whether abusive or not, just simply is not parent material. Fred’s main concerns in life are scoring another cigarette and watching Jerry Springer. There’s also the fact that Fred doesn’t take his medicine and goes into the hospital pretty routinely about every six weeks. And when he’s sick Fred has been known to scream and yell and curse and in general be pretty frightening. So even though he’s never done anything to Josh, Josh is (quite rightly IMHO) afraid that he will eventually.
I think “Josh” should make some friends staying at a state-run or sponsored group home in his community. Maybe arrange to meet with the staff running one of these facilities and meet a couple of the kids there.
I’ve had friends in those places.
Some are OK. Some places, most sane children would really PREFER living with a madman.
Seriously, though, contact your city or county’s social services department. And good luck to everyone involved. This situation is surely teh suck for everyone involved.
I would think the first thing to do would be to contact the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. They will be able to at least point him in the right direction - they’re not all about “reporting abuse” - they’re also a very good resource for just plain help.
Emancipation might also be an option if he’s turning 16 soon. But I’m not a lawyer so I don’t know any more than what you can read there.
Lastly, are there any friends of the family he could move in with as long as Fred gave consent (and that way you could avoid the whole mess with “the system”)?
