Can we get an underachievers role-call?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Specifically a person with a talent or gift which they do not develop or expose because they want to fit in with the average folks. I have a good reason for asking this really.

Please share your experiences. Did you overcome it? Has it effected the rest of your life? Could anyone have done anything to encourage you to work to your potential?

Since I asked, I’ll start:

I started not working to my potential in school work in 7th grade because I was too busy socially to worry about homework. After that people started expecting less from me, which was really cool (at the time) because I had more free time. At about the same time I started smoking pot occasionally which I’m SURE effected my judgement. I always signed up for classes in high school based on having the least amount of homework. I was in danger of not graduating with my class if I didn’t pass every single class my senior year, so my counselor recommended that I take a correspondence course for another credit. I finished it quickly to get it out of the way which caused my counselor to start talking about me going to college. “College? I’m barely making it through my junior year,” I was thinking. But between him encouraging me and my parents saying, “We’re moving away to retire. Either go away to college or get your own place.” I was inspired to try college. It changed my life, I found talents that I didn’t know or had forgotten that I had.

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Count me in.

My parents were greatly impressed by my IQ test results, and have been greatly dissapointed that I haven’t used my “gifts” to enrich the world.

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Qualifications:

I won and then lost a scholarship to college after my second year.

Nicknamed “Slide” by my father for always sliding through life. I was always way too prodigal a son to become the great success my parents foresaw for me.

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YAY, the words I have seen most frequently on report cards and progress reports: “Does not work to potential.”

Oops. And no, I haven’t done anything about it.

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Looks like this thread is focusing on formal education. Sounds like going to college made a big difference for you, SoMoMom. Good for you, that you figured it out.

Moving from a small town to a city made all the difference for me. I adjusted well, and was influenced by some great people. I haven’t accomplished much by most people’s standards, but without that move, I wouldn’t even have that much.

I did well in high school, and considered college (a rich grandma even offered to pay for it), but since none of my friends were going, I didn’t want to either. No self-confidence, I guess. It wasn’t something we talked about, we just pushed it under the rug, got married, had kids, took whatever jobs we could get. I had a bad case of “what if” for quite a while.

Things changed when I moved to Seattle. I worked with high-achievers, people with advanced degrees, people who had traveled the world and who been involved in stuff that was making news and changing our culture.

They didn’t treat me any differently than their friends with Ph.D.s Didn’t matter that I had never been out of the U.S., or that the only political activity I engaged in was voting. The talents I did have were recognized and used, and I was constantly encouraged to try more. And I never felt like I was being patronized.

This was definitely an instance where being a little fish in a big pond worked out. I figure if I could hold my own with those folks, I don’t have anything to be afraid of.

That changed my life, and gave me the confidence to try new things. Nothing and nobody scares me anymore – well, except operating the riding mower.

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One of these days, they’re going to figure out what I could produce if I really WORKED. In the meantime, I’ll continue to take the good reviews and "atta-girl"s. If they’re happy, I’m happy.

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Sorry this is a total hijack

AuntiePam, why on earth would operating a riding lawnmower scare you?

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Hijacks aren’t all bad – the thread gets bumped back up, and with an interesting OP,like this one – that’s a good thing. (Ewwww, Martha Stewart.)

bio – sharp rotating blades, loud noise, buttons and levers – I’ll take a nice sharp push mower any day. They can’t turn on you. (I’m not good around machinery.)

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AuntiePam aren’t you safer SITTING on the potential evil device, then you are just walking behind it? Especially if it’s self-propelled. Now THOSE guys will turn on you in the blink of an eye. I think you have a much better chance of forcing the riding mower into submission since you’re already on top of it.

You could start you own version of the lawn rodeo. All you’d need is your mower and a clown.

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bio - I meant a push mower. You know, the kind with no motor, no battery, with the pusher completely in control?

Geez, you young kids nowadays. :wink:

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AuntiePam, I completely agree. In fact I’ve never mowed a lawn in my life because I’m too scared. Goes back to when my Grandmother told me the story of the little girl who lived next door to her who was playing in the yard while her father mowed the grass and a rock shot out of the mower and put her in a coma for the rest of her life. My father says that she just made up that story to convince us to help clear the yard of junk, but I’m not buying that. It is a wise person indeed who avoids lawn mowers of any kind.

Back to the OP, because of two severe bouts of clinical depression in high school I went from being a straight A, all honors classes, well rounded type of girl to dropping out because I couldn’t face going to class and having to talk to people. I did manage to get into college, but I didn’t graduate because of the depression. Then I got pregnant and married. It sounds a little silly now, but I was too afraid to “overexert” myself after my son was born for fear that the pressure would bring back the depression.

Of course, my parents are bitterly disappointed at how my life turned out. It’s not a bad life, but they had very big dreams for me. Heck, I had very big dreams for myself. I’m not too bitter now but it would have been nice if someone had caught the depression before I completely ruined my life. Yeah, it’s totally normal for a bright, popular girl to suddenly stop leaving her room. Okay, maybe I’m still a little bitter…

Anyway, this story has a happy ending since I’m going back to school this fall. Yay, me! I want to be a children’s librian, pref. in elementary school. So, I guess I’m more of a late bloomer than a complete and utter failure. :slight_smile:

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Exactly! (I really hate people who say “exactly” all the time but sometimes it’s appropriate.)

I get so tired of people in their thirties and forties whining that they’re “not getting anywhere”, like retirement or death is imminent.

When you get to your fifties and sixties, maybe it’s time to start doing something, even if it’s only making plans.

I don’t mean financial success, but if you always wanted to write, or paint, or quilt or garden, well, this life isn’t a dress rehearsal – it’s all you’ve got. So do it or kwitcherbitchin.

Sorry, that’s way off the OP, isn’t it?

Children’s librarian? Nice going, tater!

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I’m trying to teach myself that in my case “underachiever” and “does not live up to his full potential” means “lives up to his own expectations but not those of others.” I’m also trying to teach myself that I don’t care. I’m the one who has to die when my life is over, so I can’t waste time fretting about the standards that others have applied to me.

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Tracy,

Hon, you are NOT a failure!! (Well, except for the fact that you haven’t written me back in some time, in that respect, you’re a terrible failure who should be really ashamed of herself.) :wink:

I don’t see the depression as ruining your life–“sidetracking it”, maybe. Look at you now, happily married, with one beautiful child and a HUGE role in caring for your niece. You are smart and attractive and have the adoration (and you’re mentioned in the sig) of the greatest poster on this message board! (All right, one of them)

What could be greater than that?

Seriously, intelligence and well roundedness are things that DON’T go away. If you once had them, you still do.

And as for exerting yourself, don’t doubt your inner strength: Your emotional recovery from your recent loss was absolutely amazing, and is in sharp contrast to how many other people deal with their adversities.

You will make a WONDERFUL children’s librarian, given your skill in handling children: your son, your niece, and your past volunteer work at your niece’s school being examples of this. The one thing I worry about is all the little boys who’ll have a crush on you!

(On the other hand, if it gets more little boys in the library, that’s hardly a BAD thing.)

I’m so proud to be your friend.

Dan

P.S. Apologies to everyone else for the hijack

P.P.S. I’m probably as much an underachiever as any of you.

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I’ve had periods when I’m sure many of the people in my life considered me to be underachieving. I learned to read at four, blew through elementary school with little effort, slipped academically through junior high and high school, frequently making mediocre grades through indifference or stubborness, bewildering counselors and others who knew of my consistently high standardized test scores. After a slightly shaky start in college, I found my niche in the English department and sailed along merrily for most of that four years, graduating with departmental distinction and nary a C or lower on my record, gaining admission to several of the most prestigious English lit Ph.D. programs in the country (Yale, Virginia, Johns Hopkins, and Cornell among them). Along the way, I was one of 150 rising seniors selected for a program of undergraduate fellowships from the National Endowment for the Humanities, affording me the opportunity to spend the summer between my junior and senior years in a seminar at Harvard directed by one of the best-known and most respected poetry critics in the world.

After a semester of graduate school, I’d pretty much lost all interest in continuing my academic career, bailing out completely after three semesters with incompletes in three of the nine courses I’d taken. I converted my part-time ad agency proofreading job into a full-time one, making less than $15K/year. Lived in what would have been considered genteel poverty for a few years, working at similar jobs that would have been considered beneath my abilities by many of those who knew me, and occasionally sinking into such financial straits that I lived for months with no electricity or phone.

Each of those things was, however, a step along the path that’s brought me to where I am now, in a great job where my intellectual abilities are exercised, albeit in far different ways than I’d ever have expected, earning a living that’s well above the average and allowing me to buy a house and two cars and to give my wife the freedom to stay home with our kids, with no debt other than a mortgage and sufficient reserves that I could not work for months without missing payments on the mortgage or any of our bills. No doubt some of those who knew me as an academic would say that I’d squandered my potential, but I’d disagree.

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My son and my brother are both classic underachievers. My son has an IQ of 142,and he’s a waiter at a crappy restaurant. He wants to be a chef, but his ADD stands in the way of going to school. My brother has a masters in music, and he’s working in a nursing home in a town that doesn’t have much of a jazz scene, which is what he’s into. But I think they’re both good people, and I don’t believe that people “are” what they “do.” I think they would both be happier people if they were doing something they love. Not many people are able to do that, and when you have the chance, you should take advantage of it.

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Since I started this…

I didn’t necessarily mean academic achievements. So, you don’t have to stick with school stories. (ie. I took an art class in college that taught me more about myself than art.) And I don’t think achievement is measured by how much money you make. Some people do though so if that is your measure then use it. It is definitely not my yardstick though.

tatertot, it’s not all that uncommon for gifted people especially kids to develop a depression. They are more sensitive than many others and also tend to be perfectionists. (You might find some interesting reading at http://www.nfgcc.com and http://www.hoagiesgifted.com among other places.) That said, there is a big difference between going through a depression and underachieving although one might lead to the other. You classifying your depression as underachievement sounds like some perfectionism kicking in to me. :wink: Don’t be hard on yourself.

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Funny, that’s just what I got.

But then, I did something about it. Everyone was quite supprised when I walked way from highschool with the Ministry of Education Scholarship for Academic Excellence, and the fact that I graduated with honours was a shocker for most people as well. Happily this continued through most of my college experience, until I got a high-paying job doing art. Go figure.

I would like to state that this was not normal for me – I had the tendancy to ignore silly things like homework and assignments. Teachers were always getting mad at me because I aced every exam, but only got C+s because I didn’t do any assignments. Typical.

-niggle

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My motto is: “If your standards are low enough, you’ll never be an underacheiver.”

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Thanks everybody for your kind words. It really was a blessing in disguise because I never would have found out how much I enjoy working with children if my life had gone as previously planned. And not to brag, but I must say that I do have an aptitude for that kind of work.

SoMoMom, it’s so sweet of you to lump me in with the gifted people, but really I’m not. I was just a really hard worker and very acheivement oreinted, so it was a hard blow when I found myself unable to keep up. Took away a huge chunk of self confidence that has taken me almost a decade to recover.

And DRY, one weekend is not “quite some time”!