Can you imagine with a dopier spy mission than this real-life one?

Inspired by what has to be the stupidest true-life spy mission EVER, revealed this week by the CIA Family Jewels.

Here is the standard you must meet: the CIA attempted, and apparently failed, to spy on comedian Dan Rowan, at the behest of mafia don Sam Giancana. Sam suspected his girlfriend of cheating on him with Rowan. Their man was caught trying to bug a Las Vegas hotel room. Even back then, what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas.

I’ve got nuthin.

What about trying to put chemicals in Castro’s cigars so that his beard would fall out?

My favorite dopey spy story is the one about the CIA spending twenty years and no doubt millions of dollars trying to perfect…remote viewing. Yes, lining up the world’s best psychics for astral travel into the rooms of foreign decision makers. Or domestic decision makers for all I know.

Yeah, that was a good one. I keep hoping that was a joke and didn’t really happen.

That’s nothing. The Defense Department spent some real money investigating a guy who claimed he could kill goats with his mind to see if there were any militarily viable applications.

Not to hijack, but I think that program, along with others like it, are still in motion in one way or another.

I heard on NPR sometime last year an interview with the author of “Men Who Stare at Goats” (If I can recall the title correctly) who knew those at the Pentagon still working on such ideas.

Did anyone else misread this as “a doper spy mission”?

“Good morning, double-0 e[sup]iθ[/sup]. Our beloved goat has been kidnapped by SPECTRE. . . .”

Ranks right up there with the exploding seashell they wanted to get him with while he was scuba diving.