Got it.
…
Good job all. What I said to my relatives was that if you think you have got it you probably have. I have two tough ones brought by my sister ( a professor at Appalachian State) that I have never seen posted on the SDMB that I will share later this week.
Yeah, eventually I got it. Required more thought than it should because I had to re-read to figure what should have been an oblivious answer.
Hey OP, this has nothing to do with the answer, but how come you say
“up to four special objects” and then list exactly 4 objects?
Because I wish those who are solving to understand that they may not need ALL of the items. There could be red herrings.
The air freshener was a big hint. The items are, however, red herrings.
I got it almost immediately. Upon reflection, I believe I’ve heard it before.
But since I didn’t recognize that I’d already heard it, it seemed fresh and my solving it feels genuine.
If that makes any sense.
mmm
It didn’t click with me at first, but the answer jumped out at me as I was reading the riddle out loud to my wife. And she figured it out too.
My book of choice would be a scratch 'n sniff book. 
Or should have been. [spoiler]I initially figured they wanted to make it into a movie-style flamethrower 
But seriously, how much would something dead smell after that long if not sealed into an air-tight container? Probably not enough that an air fresher would make much difference.[/spoiler]
I got the answer, but figured that it must have been the OP having a little brain fart, and went on trying to solve the riddle. :smack:
I think I got it…but…
The lions starved to death nearly three years ago.
Am I merely fighting the hypothetical?
Sarcophagus Now, an episode of the Thrilling Adventure Hour podcast (a pretty funny pulp-action radio-story-style podcast, worth checking out), uses a similar gag, explaining how the intrepid adventurers survived the fiendish snake-pit trap in the Black Pyramid of Kathuset.
I assume I have it.
Didn’t have to think very long.
Ditto here.
My understanding as well.
I’ll take the squirt gun and the book. The baseball and the keys will not be necessary.
[spoiler]The lions were kept alive on a liquid diet that had ‘everything the body needs’ and a solid exercise regimen. So you guys are cat snacks.
On the other hand, ninjas don’t really exist anymore, so … I’m in a room with figments of my imagination - scary no doubt, but not really life-threatening.
Also, back in the fire room, lighter fluid evaporates almost instantly, and my spray gun is filled with fire retardant. I spray myself down, keep low, breathing through my baseball fabric mask, and wait till the fire burns through the thatch roof, then use my OED (volumes 1-27) to make a staircase up over the wall and out.
Shaboom.
[/spoiler]
I’ll just take the baseball.Swing at baseball.
Swing at baseball again.
Swing at baseball again.
I’m out.
Thank you.
I’ll just take a book.
The Bible.
I’m saved
Clever!
<golf clap>
Basted humans; They’re grrreat!