Help my neighbor’s Rottweiler’s tongue is stuck to the metal railing outside. It’s subzero out. What can I do? I’m afraid he may bite if I pull his tongue off the railing, and animal control won’t answer their phone.
Go to the nearest place that deals with chemistry and get some Hydrofluoric Acid and pour it on the rail to dissolve it, that should get 'im off!
My computer has become self aware and seems to harbor a great resentment towards us “meatbags,” unplugging it does nothing, how can I protect myself? Need answer fast.
Ctrl-Alt-KissAssGoodbye.
Why are there so many crows on my back yard? Need answer fast.
Those water soaker guns work wonders on recalcitrant computers set on your demise. You should always keep one filled with a silver iodide blessed water solution in your room. It will take out world domination computers, robots, werewolves, vampires and demons.
Need answer fast!
All the clothes in the washer are pink and they’re not supposed to be pink. I was washing the significant other’s clothes as a surprise. What can I do?
Darn too late.
SO came home eh? Oh well, on to crows.
Don’t think, just run. Get away from your house, your town, your city, possibly even your country. Just go.
As for me, my dog seems to have jumped through my bedroom wall and into the 4th dimension. How do I get him out without getting stuck myself? Need answer fast.
You need to realize that this “4th dimension” is what most of us call a “kitchen.” Feed your damn dog. While you’re at it, cook me up some eggs, mmmKay?
Bullet headed my way. What do I do? Need answer fast.
Try ducking.
My research paper assignment is really long and I haven’t started it yet. Any ideas? Need answer fast.
Turn back the clock. That’ll give you more time.
There is some sort of white substance falling down all over the city. It seems dangerous and I fear my windows won’t contain it for long. What’s my course of action ? Need answer fast !
Use your lightsaber/pocketknife to create a warm cavity inside a Tauntaun , or big dog. sleep in warm cavity until the snowspeaders find you
Wife just delivered twins…one is black and one has tentacles…Wife and me are both caucasian and sans tentacles…need help fast
Take pictures of the kids, call a divorce lawyer.
There’s a bustle in my hedgerow, and the May Queen is off at a gay pride event. Should I be alarmed? Need answer fast.
Don’t be alarmed. There’s still time to change the road you’re on.
My girlfriend and I are making out, and there’s a suspicious noise coming from the basement. There aren’t any lights down there. Should she go downstairs to check it out? If so, should she bother to put her clothes back on?
Yes, she SHOULD go down to check it out. No, she should NOT put her clothes back on, but she should put her shoes on if they are handy. If they are high heels this is doubly true. You should head toward the front door and run far far away. Don’t think, just run. Get away from your house, your town, your city, possibly even your country. Just go.
Need question for a game I am playing. Haven’t been able to come up with a good one. Help! Need answer fast.
How about:
Help! A meta-question is causing pressure to build in my skull. What should I do? Need answer fast!
Ever see the movie Pi? Do that.
If a tree falls on one hand clapping on the 30th of February, what should I wear to bed? Need answer fast.
The crotchless unicorn suit, but only until midnight.
+++++
Help!!! A bunch of birds just flew into the engines of my jet and I have to ditch the plane on the river by the nudist beach. Must the passengers disrobe before evacuating? Need answer very quickly!
Passengers may disembark fully clothed provided they use the emergency exits facing away from the beach. Passengers who choose to disrobe before exiting may use the emergency exits facing the beach.
I have to choose among three doors. I pick one, then a man shows me what’s behind another, and offers me the chance to switch to the third door, or stay with the one I’ve already chosen. What should I do?
Shoot the hostage.
Help. I’m at the airport. There is a madman with a gun and one hostage. He’s using her for cover. He’s almost to the plane. I’m a hundred feet away.
What should I do? Need answer SPEED[ily].
Pay the $6 for the bottle of water, but keep the receipt for tax purposes.
Help! I’ve got a gift certificate to go to the gun store and fire large caliber automatic weapons for fun, but I’m drunk and have been up for 36 hours. What should I do?
Get to the nearest bus stop, get on! Pay the man, tell him where you need to be.
Now, once you get there, talk to the man in Green, he will show you the guns, make sure to jamb your chewing gum into your ear for safe keeping. Watch out for small children, they’re six hundred extra points!
There are only six ways to Sunday, which do I choose!?
The most evil and morally reprehensible way, of course.
There is a viscous grayish fluid leaking out of my ears, and I fear it may be brain matter. What should I do?