–or something along those lines, I guess? I received it in a handful of change today. It looks like a legitimate Canadian 25-cent piece, except for the depiction of Shub-Niggurath on the reverse side. The obverse features the traditional profile depiction of the Queen, looking all matronly and pearl-encrusted, seemingly not at all aware of the horror lurking just on the other side of the coin. The dates 1952-2002 can just be made out in tiny characters below, so I expect that this coin is intended to commemorate Queen Elizabeth’s Golden Jubilee, or the 50-year anniversary of the pact between the British monarchy and the Cosmic Forces of Elder Darkness, or possibly both.
The other side is a bit difficult to describe accurately, as one might expect of a depiction of a being summoned from other-dimensional realms of non-Euclidean geometry. It appears to be a representation of a gigantic featureless mass, probably a Shoggoth, radiating monolithic pseudopods at strange angles. Beneath it, dwarfed by its hideous bulk, stands a crowd of crudely depicted humanoids with their arms raised, either worshipping it or fleeing in terror. The creature is extruding sinuous, writhing tentacles toward the crowd and plucking up victims, presumably to engulf them-- several tiny figures are already embedded in its gelatinous membrane. One of the tiny figures, however, stands fearlessly atop the entity, arms raised toward the heavens, beckoning toward the warped constellations above. I infer this to be the cult’s High Priest, or perhaps even the avatar of great Nyarlathotep himself, declaring that the stars are right at last! Iä! Iä!
Ordinarily I object to state-sponsored religious messages as a matter of principle. But I have to admit that this is one of the most intriguing currency designs I’ve ever seen. I can’t seem to stop looking at it. It calls to me.
Oooookay. Step away from the bong. Carefully flip the coin over, using chopsticks or some other non-metallic item. Look at the obverse. See the Queen? She’s facing right, indicating that all is right with the world, and you needn’t worry. Go have some ice cream and watch TV for a bit. The Elder Gods aren’t awake yet, and you have nothing to fear.
Looks like a maple leaf?! Sure it does. A giant maple leaf, the size of a building. With tentacles. Eating people. Nothing unusual about that, surely?
That ain’t no maple leaf. I’ve seen maple trees. They don’t eat people. If anything, it’s a Shoggoth attempting to endear itself to its minions by sculpting its protoplasmic form into a rough semblance of Canada’s national symbol. Or possibly it’s eaten enough Canadians already that it’s absorbed a portion of their memories, in the manner of the humble flatworm. I’m not going to pretend that I know exactly what goes on at such rites; I’m just going by what the coin depicts.
It’s Gozer the Traveller. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the Rectification of the Vuldranii, he came as a large and moving Torg. Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him… that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Slor that day, I can tell you.