A little help to this American, please. A friend’s daughter is getting married to a guy from Canada and the family up north is throwing them a stag and doe party. I heard there’s an admission price, a raffle for prizes, etc. and the money goes to the bride and groom. What’s the straight dope?
What you’ve heard is right. There is a ‘cover charge’ and the proceeds go towards the happy couple. It’s largely a rural thing and is primarily an English Cananda thing. Never heard of such an event in Quebec.
I find it rather tacky. Like begging for pre wedding gifts. :dubious:
I think this came up once before on the Dope.
I’m from BC and have had a lot of friends marry off and I have never heard of this ritual.
Yeah we’ve had lots of Stag parties, but pretty much all of them went like this:
- Go golfing with your friends, drink lots on golf course
- Shower-up and get pretty, go for a kick-ass steak dinner. Drink lts during dinner
- Go to the rippers and watch a few acts. Drink lots while watching women remove their clothes.
- Depending on the time, either go to a club for a while and continue drinking, or grab a bite to eat (has to be greasy food) and head home to pass out.
Never had to pay admission or anything.
MtM
From what I’ve seen (my ex and I were invited to a few), it’s basically a bridal shower to which couples are invited. There are gifts for the bridal couple, maybe some silly games, things to eat, and so on. There are drinks too, but it is understood that nobody will get drunk at one of these things.
Never heard of a cover charge, but that doesn’t mean it cannot happen. We always just took a gift.
Gift grab? Possibly. My ex’s sister milked being a bride for all it was worth. She had at least two bridal showers thrown by friends (friends from work threw her one, friends from church threw her one), and of course, she and her new husband got plenty of gifts and cash from the wedding itself. Given all this, the Stag and Doe she insisted upon was tacitly seen as simply greedy by some of us.
But again, that doesn’t mean that such a gathering has to be a gift grab–we did attend at least one that was the only pre-wedding party for the bridal couple.
I am in Ontario and yes, it is a ritual money-making process. The following is my experience…
I suspect that it evolved out of the traditional Stag party and the Bridal shower. At the stag the guys got to have fun and do all the stuff that they won’t be allowed to do after marriage. The ladies got together and gave the bride gifts to assist with domestic life and ate finger sandwiches with tea. The brides didn’t like the idea of the groom going out to have fun without her, much less get stinking drunk and engaging in various sorts of debaucherie, and came up with a combination Stag and shower. (Iguess the idea of a Stagette/Ladies Night didn’t appease those jealous types…)
Rather than gifts, it is designed to make money for the new couple.
Typically the best man is assigned the task of organizing it and a hall is rented out. The Stag and Doe (or Stag and Hag, or Buck and Doe) is a basically a big party/dance. Admission is charged, booze is sold, raffle tickets are sold for (often) a massive bottle of booze, crown and anchor and blackjack games are all designed to rake in the money.
Depending on the size and how elaborate the party is and the number of attendees (including the stodgy old-timers like parents and extended family), the couple can amass quite a fortune. The guests are aware that the point is to start the couple off right and are generally pretty loose with their money.
The guys still end up going out for a real stag, though. And come to think of it, the girls still have a bridal shower too…so, okay, cash grab.
Oh, you crazy Easterners, this sounds like something you’d do. Like McDeath, I’ve never heard of this, and the stags and stagettes I’ve been to are pretty much exactly like he said. And for the stagettes, we usually go see naked chicks too - naked men = ick, and loses the humour value pretty quickly.
Crown and anchor? 'Splain, please!
The stag 'n does that I’ve been to were all just basically co-ed bridal showers.
The only time there was ever “admission” was when someone rented a small banquet hall to hold the event. The stag and doe parties I’ve gone to that were hosted in private homes never had an admission fee, you just brought gifts as you would to a ladies-only bridal shower.
Granted, my experience with these things are limited.
I’ve only heard of it in the East, specifically Ontario. Although, I’ve heard of a “Shiveree” in the Maritimes, which is apparently like the Stag and Doe.
My experience is much like cantara’s. In some areas, they tend to be called Jack and Jills.
Ginger – I can’t speak for the Maritimes, but in rural Ontario (at least in my experience)a shivaree would take place after the wedding, with a swarm of friends sneaking up on the home of the newlyweds with the lights off, then suddenly turning on the lights, honking the horns and generally making a hella racket. Everyone would then go into the house and start a party.
ya, i think the stag & doe is mostly an ontario, and at that, smaller town / rural ontario thing.
i believe it comes largely out of the tradition of young couples needing a jump start, what with the expenses of a wedding, honeymoon, first time home ownership, and kids likely on the way, or soon to be on the way (which are things that all neatly coincide, mostly in that order, in the traditional small town / rural ontario mindset and experience.)
so how do you get that jump start? well, rent a hall, invite everyone you know (or everyone in town - which may be less than everyone you know) and throw a party that they pay for, and then some.
sure, it’s a money-grab, but it’s also a community builder. an excuse to party with all your friends and neighbours. and shit, someone always comes home not just smashed, but fifty dollars richer off the black jack table, and this time it might be you.
plus, you might get a chance to hit on that hottie that lives over on the ninth concession. or maybe your weekly bingo was cancelled for the party, so you would’ve been going to the hall anyway. might as well live it up while the opportunity is there.
For petalpusher
Crown and Anchor wheel
I suppose the casino equivalent is the Big Wheel usually found near the entrance.
Ugh, I hate this kind of thing. Just out of curiosity, how much admission are we talking?
I think around $15. per person. Drinks are extra.
Never seen that sort of thing in Quebec.
There is a bachelor party involving drinks and strippers.
And there is a bachelorette party involving drinks and dancing (and possibly man-strippers), and presents of lingerie and kinky things to the bride-to-be.
But having another pre-wedding party? A bit much, no? Or do they mostly do this instead of the two parties?