Ugh. I’ve had AOL for Broadband for a while. Transitioning away from AOL with cable internet and still using the AIM stuff while I leave. I finally decided enough was enough, $14.95 a month for this service was not worth it. So I called to cancel. (I know that there have been threads before on this but I didn’t wanna bump from the crypt.) The following is true. I’m sure customer service changed their own damn names.
The** first ** person I talked to is named Tanya. I talk with Tanya civilly for about 3 minutes before I get upset. We start going around in circles with me explaining that I want only to cancel the service and she saying that she’s happy to “credit me” for January and February. I said, you’re more than welcome to credit me for January, but I don’t plan on being around in February so just cancel me. Ten more minutes of that ensue. Exasperated at this, I finally say through gritted teeth “I just fucking want to cancel the account”. To which she replies “Click”.
The second call to AOL and it’s Joe that answers. Joe begins the litany of bullshit. Joe feigns communication problems by saying that something is wrong with his headset and that he can’t hear me. I said “You can hear me just fine, as well as I can hear you, I’m not going to go down that road”
“Hello? Hello? Oh, I can hear you now” Joe assures me.
I stop him and say this is what I want. Please give me the cancellation confirmation number. No such luck. He starts yammering on about the service and why would I want to cancel now when I can have their free service for two months. I reply “I hate you”. 7 minutes have passed at this point which doesn’t include the 2 minutes going through the automated system which didn’t recognize my account.
After that, every time Joe talks, I repeat over his voice “I want to cancel. I want to cancel. I want to cancelllllllllllllllllllllllllll”.
Joe says “OK, I’ve got you set up for the next two month which will be free and you can call and cancel after that”. I have had it at this point, my leg is bouncing up and down and if Joe were in front of me, I’d be kicking.
“Maybe you’re not hearing me, Joe” I growl.
“Oh, are you saying that although you use our services, you feel you no longer want them? Because I am showing that you were logged on earlier today”.
I feel like I’m going insane at this point. So I do. I start singing the Meow Mix theme song over Joe. “Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow”.
“I’m sorry, hello? I can’t hear you”. Joe rebuffs.
“Thank you”, I grin, “could I please get that cancellation confirmation number again, you were breaking up”.
“Now I see over the last six months that you’ve used your account for 386 hours, are you sure you’d want to give up the great service that you’ve been enjoyed?”
“Yes. Yes I do”.
Joe then goes into his final winddown spiel about coming back to enjoy more of this abuse at any time and gives me the cancellation confirmation number.
I quickly realize that it’s going to be a very crappy day when I have to show my parents how to cancel their AOL account.