So I slipped and fell this morning, most inelegantly, my hand held in front of me to avoid an even more painful face plant, and that hand came in for a nasty landing on the asphalt, subsequently s-l-i-d-i-n-g , ggsssshhttt, across whatever mix of sand, gravel, and broken glass that happened to occupy 1st Ave @ 51St Street. Ow ow ow. Fuck ow ow ow. No I’m all right. I’m fine. Ow ow ow. Goddammit. Ow.
Stop off at deli on the way home and buy a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. Once home, wash newly rally-striped gravel-speckled red-oozing hand with water, gently rinse and scrub out pieces of 51st St ow ow shit ouch oh ooh aaagh oh oww and then douse slowly but liberally in the hydrogen peroxide oh hmm ooch hmm umm oh ok.
That got me thinking. When I was a kid and did myself in and came limping or hollering back to the house dripping blood, it wasn’t hydrogen peroxide they poured on me, oh no sir. If I was at home, they came at me with rubbing alcohol. oh haAAAh OH OW YEEEEOOOOWWWW OH OH oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh OW oh ooohhhh. Yeah, gool ol’ 70% isopropyl. If I was at my Mom’s Mom’s, though, Grandma would take out a brown bottle with a glass thingie in it, had a bead at the end of the long glass staff, and a drop or two of Mercurochrome would cling to it, and she’d daub the glass bead against my owwie oh ah OW YAAH HO AUGGGG NO OWWW LEGGO OWWWW YEWOOWW oh OWWW ow ow ow ow ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oh oh omigod yeah Mercurochrome, with the glass applicator.
But things could be worse. There was my other Grandma. Dad’s Mama. The same one who, if you came in from playing with dirt on your face would come after you with the washrag and a tight face, you know, “Gimme that face” ::scrape scrub scour:: oh ho uh huh …and she had her own wicked brown bottle and it’s name was TINCTURE OF MERTHIOLATE. No glass applicator in this one, just a pinhole, and you applied it by shaking it onto the wound, like applying soy sauce or Tabasco sauce to your food. (Y’know, Tabasco would’ve been an improvement). oh YEOW HELP HELP AAAAAAAAAUGH!!!AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE OH AUGH OOOH YAIII AAAAA IIIIII AIIIHHH AIIIIH HHHHAAAHHHHH OOW OOOWOOWOWOOWO YEEEEEE ohhh AAAHHH!!! oohohoh ohohoh oh o h ushh uh huhhhh ::klunk::
::AHunter passes out on bathroom floor::
OK, you equally elderly or moreso survivors of childhood antisepsis horrors – what was the worse infection-preventer you’ve been tortured with?