Oh, DEAR, Crank . . . Can’t I just wear floppy galoshes over my Jimmy Choos till I get to class?
My guess is big-name schools with graduate programs are going to demand an MFA at least, unless you’re hugely famous. Getting some other kind of job in a school might be an idea. Especially if you’re good at schmoozing administrators, you might be able to wangle yourself a teaching job, but if they don’t have any openings, it’s not much good.
Another idea is to find with theatre academics and ask them.
…maybe something like this: