If Mrs. Jones is being seen twice a week at the pharmacy, that could indicate that she’s having a health problem. If Mrs. Jones is being seen twice a week at the liquor store, that could be an indicator that she’s drinking a lot. If Mrs. Jones is being seen twice a week at a store whose primary business is selling lottery tickets that could be an indicator that she’s spending a lot of money on lottery.
And none of that is a random neighbor’s business if Mrs. Jones isn’t telling them firsthand or the neighbor isn’t also seeing Mrs. Jones in those establishments twice a week in order to become aware of her patterns. Is it a secret? No. But just because something isn’t a secret doesn’t mean that it needs to be discussed behind people’s backs with all and sundry, just for something to talk about.
The big deal is that gossip like this is out of context, and it’s dangerous, because it creates impressions that aren’t made with a full understanding of the facts. It’s destructive to relationships and damaging to people’s reputations.
Talking about other peoples business is the very definition of gossip.
If your co-workers talk about how many times you hit the rest room, it’s gossip. If two old ladies talk in the street about the visitors to your house, it’s gossip. If a cashier talks to another customer about your purchases, it’s motherfucking gossip.
If you do it in public, it’s public business, and no, none of that is gossip. That’s not what the word means. All this just sounds to me like another symptom of the culture of victimhood.
Do you live in Pleasantville circa 1953 or something? Oh noes, people saw you at the bottle shop buying a bottle of alcohol twice in one week! This could really hurt your chances of becoming captain of the bowling team!
Look, I agree that a chemist really shouldn’t be saying “I saw Mrs Smith in here three times last week buying haemorrhoid cream” or “Mr Johnson seems to be buying a lot more cold medicine than you’d think someone would need to shake a cold” (and, as had been mentioned, would probably be breaking several laws if they did so), but realistically, it’s human nature for people in retail to talk about what they perceive to be fairly minor or inconsequential things, and saying “I saw Joe Bloggs in here this morning” would qualify as that, IMHO.
I’ve worked in retail a long time and don’t go around telling customers what specific other customers have been buying (only generic things like “This item has been really popular, I just sold one to a man a few minutes ago”), but I speak from experience when I say that being stuck on cash registers all day is a dull job and it’s always nice when someone wants to have a chat while you put their groceries through for them.
Of course, It could be argued that if you live in a conservative community and want to buy condoms and lubricant when you’re not married (for example), then one might be advised to travel out of said conservative community to do so. That doesn’t excuse gossips spreading malicious (ie untrue or designed to damage someone’s reputation) lies about people, of course, but everyone’s got a different idea of what’s “Idle small talk” and “Gossip”, as this thread clearly shows.
Your assumption is incorrect. There are a lot of things people do in public that they don’t want the entire world to know about. A lot things are done in public are done because there is no other choice.
And the thing with cameras is immaterial–I’m not expecting someone I know to be watching and spreading information about what they see to others. As long as I’m not doing anything illegal, I’m expecting to be ignored.
Heck, there’s a whole thing with the TSA about that. Plane flying happens in public, yet people are quite upset about the idea of their naked scans being shared with other people.
Also, your name and the names of your family is public information, so I’m sure you have no problem sharing it with everyone here. I mean, I’m sure someone’s called them by name in public, so that’s a public act.
I think one of the differences in poster attitudes is where you live. I live in a town of about 3000, so if everyone doesn’t know everyone else they at least know who they are. I will give you an example of why we may not appreciate clerks with loose lips.
A former boss of mine a who was prominent in the community didn’t want anyone to gossip about her. Since she didn’t drive she would make one of her employees drive her home each night. Right after pay day she would make them drive to the liquor store that was located in the grocery and buy her supply of alcohol for the month while she remained in the car. The list was quite extensive 8 Jack Daniels, 4 vodka, 4 tequila, 1 vermouth, 16 bottles of wine, Baily’s Irish and Kahlua. She lived alone and didn’t entertain.
Once the assistant wasn’t there and I had to drive her (unemployment loomed and there was nowhere else around to work in my chosen field) on her booze run. Of course the clerk happened to be hubby’s best friends sister-in-law. She called best friends wife who freaked out knowing that I’m Diabetic and not supposed to drink at all. They called AA for counseling and had arranged an intervention by the time hubby got home from work. I was not amused, well okay a little, but I did have a talk with the manager of the liquor store.
It was indiscreet of the cashier, but you have no more expectation of privacy from a cashier than from any other person who might happen to see what you purchase.
I once had someone telling my mother about my drinking problem, having seen me with two bags containing three bottles of whisky and one of cognac. Once she got over her initial astonishment, Mom was laughing so hard she could barely explain to the blabbermouth how wrong she was.
The bottles in question happened to be part of that year’s catch from the Christmas “boxes” the Bros and me had gotten from our jobs; specifically, the parts we were giving away to friends who happen to like whisky and cognac.
If the person receiving the gossip had been my sister-in-law and not my mother, I would to this day not have been able to convince her I’m not an alcoholic… my alcohol intake for the year is on the range of “quarter pint of lager or less”.
I think that if people are that concerned about the social trend of people to talk to each other, and that the subject matter often includes other people, they need to disassociate themselves from society.
Talking about each other is normal social behaviour. It’s not evil, or dangerous, or anything else (except under certain really specific situations); it’s normal human interaction. You don’t get to run around forbidding anyone from even mentioning your existence.
And… why would you want to?
Something really odd is happening to our society if reference to other people is becoming viewed as somehow wrong. And yes, like all communication, this sometimes involves misinformation or conclusions; that’s part of life, and part of being a human in a society. It’s normal, and it’s OK. We’re social creatures and should be able to handle these things.
If you know someone who jumps to abnormal conclusions based on little or scant information, the problem resides with that person, not with society for engaging in normal social behaviour.
Of course there are exceptions, but I can’t see the OP as being one of those exceptions.
I had this happen at a hotel: was in town for a funeral, and I didn’t say anything to the hotel clerk about that, since it isn’t any of their business. But they offered the hot tub suite, and I figured “F - it, I’m here anyway, might as well relax in the tub after the day is over.”
So then, my dad checks into the hotel (only one in town) asks if I’ve checked in, the clerk says “yup, into the hot tub suite 110”. Fuckers.
That was very awkward. The hot tub went unused, as I felt like an asshole at that point. Thanks hotel clerk - I’ll always remember you.
I’ve always felt that “gossip” was something that was intended to be catty and judgemental, not like the offhand blabbing in the OP.
you know, stuff like “Oh, I was talking to Clara Baulwascher yesterday? And it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen Mr. Baulwascher around in quite some time; a month if it was a day, let me tell you. Well, apparently, Mr. Baulwascher is on an “extended business trip.” You know what that means. Of course I had the decency not to say anything, a woman has a right to some dignity.”
Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m interpreting Mangetout as saying that the retail clerk has an ethical obligation to refrain from talking about one customer’s purchases with another, not that we all have a legal or any other kind of right that the clerk is violating. I certainly feel that way, and felt that way many years ago when I was a retail clerk.
Where does one draw the line? Is it to do with the fact that it is a purchase? If I sell you my car, can I tell my neighbour that Crotalus bought my car or am I violating some ethical code?
I honestly can’t see a problem with this. Actual confidentiality situations, yes, I can see those; but there’s a reason 99% of interactions between citizens do not have confidentiality laws attached - because it’s unreasonable to expect any such confidentiality, and it is contrary to human nature. Normal conversation about everyday activities is what people do.
I disagree that there is any such ethical obligation. Public actions are public. The customer has no reasonable expectation of secrecy or privacy. If you do something in front of the world, assume that the world is watching. We’re not talking about intimate secrets anyway. Who cares if a cashier tells your neighbor she saw you buying beer? This is Sarah Palin’s America. The culture of victimhood.
One draws the line wherever one wants; I was talking about what I would do myself. If I know, or think I know, something about someone simply because I was cashier on a purchase, I feel like I shouldn’t talk about any of that to others.
Well, some people have various reasons for caring about such things, and there are varying degrees of “in front of the world”. Walking into a store and making a purchase is quite a bit more private than walking around the parking lot with a sign that says “cash paid for booze”. Of course, there is always the possibility that another customer in the store could witness your purchase (I think there’s an old joke about Baptists and liquor stores), but it seems to me that cashiers ought to be more discreet than the one in the OP. Not that I would attempt to enforce my ethics on someone else. I personally would be more discreet in that situation and would hope (not expect, not demand) that others would be too.
If you went to the pharmacy to buy Lotrimin, how would you feel if the cashier told the next few customers that your wife had a yeast infection?