Cat Dopers: Help with Tri-Colored BITCH!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And I don’t mean an Irish woman with a skin condition and a bad attitude, either.

I have been trying unsuccessfully to get HSHGF’s freaking nasty evil 18-month old tricolor cat to quit trying to slice my Achilles and claw my face off when I’m helpless. We’ve been together 7 months now- cat should know I’m here to stay.

And I’m tired of wearing combat boots as bedtime slippers.

I walk by. Hiss. Attack.

I sit on the couch. Hiss. Attack.

I go in the bedroom. Hiss. Attack.

Stupid cat literally bites the hand that feeds her. When it’s treat time, she runs over to the treat stand and does the treat dance. So I go over, get the bag of treats out, shake it a bit, make appropriate friendly noises, and put the treats on the floor just like HSHGF does. One time out of three, for no discernible reason, conforming to no pattern, she will hiss and attack. WHILE I’M TRYING TO PUT THE TREATS DOWN AND GET OUT OF HER WAY.

Feather on a stick toy? She’ll play with me on the stairs until one of us falls over from exhaustion. Jingly balls morning-star toy? She’ll play with me until she falls over.

Pet her? SHIT NO. Hiss, claw, scratch BITE.

Hell, walk by her? SHIT NO. Hiss, claw, scratch BITE.

I’m not even talking about going near her food or litter box. I’m talking about just minding my own damn business.

HSHGF has never seen the cat act like this toward anyone else.

Discipline doesn’t seem to be working. Water doesn’t work, time-outs don’t work, HSHGF doesn’t want me making loud noises like sharply saying “No” or “Bad cat” because “loud noises upset her,” which they do, but she could do with a little upsetting if I’m freaking bleeding.

But I listen because it’s her cat.

I like cats. I even like this cat- she plays with HSHGF like a little kitten ought to, and she’s affectionate as all-get out to HSHGF.

I’m told it’s a possessiveness thing, it’s a breed thing, that it can’t be helped, etc.

But we’re moving in together, and, short of wrapping the cat in a towel until it burns out every last calorie in its body fighting, I have no idea how to coexist with this thing that doesn’t involve me being perforated.

Any and all suggestions welcome.

Suggestions that have been rejected:

  1. Exorcism.
  2. Replace cat with identical, more tractable one.
  3. Another cat.
  4. Large slingshot/ocean.
    Can any cat Dopers help a puppy out here?
2

I hope someone can help you. My son’s wife has a calico cat who is very temperamental and jealous. After living together for 5 years, the cat has calmed down somewhat, but does not want to be picked up by him, and will not purr for him. She’ll tolerate a few seconds petting IF he reaches for her gently, and always from the side, never front-on.

Good luck!!

3

You say the kitty is fine with you when you are playing with her? Maybe you should just always carry the toy with you, making sure kitty can see it. Randomly play with kitty for a minute or two a couple times a day, keeping her on her toes, but avoid any contact with her that you know she doesn’t like. Hopefully she will come to learn that HSCP = fun play times and forget that she doesn’t like you.

4

A bigger, meaner male cat that is completely loyal to you should do the trick.

5

Feliway?

6

Kitty tranquilizers?

There’s a brand of plug in kitty aromatherapy that’s supposed to calm them. I’ve heard a couple of positive reports, but I have no idea what the objective opinion is.

7

I’m not surprised that she likes the toys but doesn’t associate you with making it play with her.

My, rather, umm…, temperamental 14-yr old tabby will slap and bite at the slicker brush when I’m trying to de-mat her fur but doesn’t seem to care about the hand that’s holding it. I think they can have a very tenuous grasp of cause and effect.

No suggestions, I’m afraid. My old-lady cat has been a bitch since day one and we’re always playing by her rules. I describe her to others like that old, dowager, great-aunt in your family that nobody likes - that’s pretty much her.

8

You need to exert your alpha male status, while at the same time, getting her to like and trust you. Right now, she has the upper paw. Next time she swats at you, try grabbing her by the scruff and either remove her to a different room, or hold her firmly in your arms to try to get her to calm down. Verbal scolding doesn’t work with cats because that’s a human behavior. Scruffing is a cat behavior and she will definitely understand that.

I did that with our current cat, Emma (I know the rules!), when we first got her. She was terrified of everything and not very friendly or cuddly. So I’d pick her up by the scruff and hold her as long as I could while she squirmed to try to get away. Every time I did that, no matter how long she let me hold her, I gave her a treat. Now, I can pick her up whenever and however I want, and cuddle her in my arms like a baby, and she’ll let me do that for as long as I want, no squirming, no swatting.

Good luck!