To the original OP:
Hope is not lost. About a year ago or so, a couple of months after our ancient 20yo cat died, we became the home for a stray male that tried to adopt a cat-allergic friend of ours. This cat was not neutered, and the vet guessed he was somewhere between 2 and 3 years old, but couldn’t get any closer than that.
Life was good for the first 4 or 5 days, then we decided that we should get a second cat to keep the first one company, and that we had better do it soon before he decided that he owned the house. Daughter and I happened to wander into a local pet store with a Humane Society branch, and they happened to have a young female cat (about a year old) who had been spayed only two days before. We took the female cat home.
Even though she was spayed, the tom definitely realized that she was FEMALE. We were trying to keep him “intact” for at least a couple of weeks, just in case we found his legitimate owner, so we separated them, giving them each their own room with their own bed and litter box in the basement, letting one of them out at a time to get to know us and the rest of the house. However, even though this had not been a problem earlier, the tom started spraying anything that stayed still for more than ten minutes. After a couple of days, we decided that we had to choose between giving him up or keeping him ourselves, so we got him into the vet to be snipped as soon as they could schedule him.
Within a week or two, he was back to being a nice, friendly puddy-tat, who peed only in the litter box, and who treated the female as a playmate rather than a sex toy.
As for the meowing, I think that is more a personality thing. Our male cat is definitely a hunter, and despite his girth, it’s pretty obvious that he has the skills to keep himself fed when he can’t find people (although he has no qualms about begging for food by being the sweetest cat he can be). He very rarely uses his voice at all, possibly because there isn’t much sense in making a lot of noise when you are hunter. However, it is very obvious that he was raised in a herd of cats, since he has yet to meet a cat that he doesn’t like, and really wants to be friends with our other cat. (We live fairly close to a rural area, so we think he was probably a barn cat whose hormones led him too far afield.)
The female, on the other hand, was raised entirely as an indoor cat before we got her, and she was probably taken from her birth litter at a very tender age. She was terribly frightened by the breeze from an open window, and had never touched grass or dirt outside, based on her reactions. She also wanted nothing to do with the other cat at first, although we don’t know if this was because of her background or his hormones when we first got her. However, she is far and away the noisiest cat we’ve ever had. We have a tendency to meow back at cats who are talking to us, and the first few times we meowed at her, she looked scared and shocked, like she had no idea anyone besides her could make that particular noise.
In the long run, they have learned to tolerate and like each other, even if they will probably never be best friends. They play with each other frequently, and like to keep track of where the other one is.
For the urine problem:
Our ancient cat became incontinent when she was around 10 years old (She lived to be 18 or so), and absolutely refused to use a litter box, for no reason that we could determine. The vet couldn’t find any physical reason for the problem, and couldn’t do much besides give us advice like keeping her shut up in a small room during the day (which we pretty much refused to do).
We found that Oxyclean was a very good product for getting rid of urine, and we periodically soaked areas that she liked to use with a weak Oxyclean solution. After she died, we rented a carpet cleaner, and steamed the carpets with a solution of Oxyclean and water, followed by carpet shampoo with a formula for pet odors. By the time we got new cats, the urine odor was completely gone from all of her favorite spots.