That’s an awesome word. And a great name for a Progressive Goth Metal band…
Sometimes you just have to live with the fact that your curiosity will not be satisfied. The family’s right to privacy overrides your desire to scratch your itchy brain.
I accept that. I was just wondering why’s there’s a stigma to mentioning CoD in an Obit. It’s not an unreasonable thing to ask. The answer is it’s none of my business, and the family’s right to privacy should always trump my curiosity, and I’m okay with that. Ignorance fought.
I think it’s just one of those delicate things. When people know more of the facts, some of them will find it’s something they feel compelled to talk about, to make judgments on, or even offer advice or comfort in a way that the bereaved family might find more distressing.
It’s not necessarily a stigma, just something the family may not want to discuss. It can be unsettling, or a distraction from celebrating the life. They want to remember how the deceased lived, not how they died.
I’m still confused about the difference between a death notice and an obituary, and why we have both. It sounds like some reporter writes the death notice based on primarily public information, and the obit is written by the family. I usually see obits in my paper but there isn’t always a corresponding death notice which I think more likely lists the CoD if it’s publically known. Do you have to be a prominent person to get a death notice or does someone pay to have one written?
You mean besides them buying an advertisement in the local newspaper announcing the death?
They are announcing to friends and family that a loved one is gone, and what is being done to honor them(sometimes), not publishing a tell-all biography.
As far as newspapers go - an obituary is written by a reporter and is typically about some famous or prominent person. Depending on the newspaper, “famous” or “prominent” may vary in meaning - the weekly neighborhood newspaper where I grew up in NYC might have considered a local business owner or religious figure prominent enough to merit an obituary written by a reporter , but that doesn’t mean the NYT would have. There is no charge for this sort of obituary , as it is considered news. “Death notices” are placed in newspapers , written by family ( possibly with the assistance of the funeral home" and are paid for.
Online services such as Dignitymemorial.com blur things - what they publish are traditionally called “death notices” but they are referred to as “obituaries”
Wikipedia distinguishes between “death notices” and “memorial advertisements,” although I personally don’t remember ever hearing the latter term used.
In my experience, this is what many people are referring to when they mention “the obituaries,” even though they’re not using the officially correct term (and they may or may not know that it’s not the officially correct term).
Agreed – heck, I didn’t know the difference/distinction until a few months ago, when we had a different discussion on the topic here on the SDMB.
It certainly doesn’t help that, as already noted, the terms “death notice” and “obituary” are often used interchangeably by funeral homes and newspapers. The newspaper in my home town features a significant section every day for paid death notices, which the paper itself titles “Obituaries.”
In my local daily paper, the funeral homes send the death notices to the paper, which publishes them thusly, at the top of the Obituary page:
Lastname, Firstname, Age, Hometown, State, Funeral Home
However, if there is a accompanying obituary, the above is bolded. Then if you see a name you recognize in a bold line, you can read the obit. If the name isn’t bolded, then you’re SOL in perhaps finding the cause of death. I suppose if you want information on services, you can go to the funeral home website or give them call.
I’ve seen the latter or something similar such as “In memoriam” used - it’s used when someone places a ad commemorating the anniversary of a death or sometimes a milestone birthday of the deceased
What are the rules for the SDMB Celebrity death pool? I thought that the death had to be picked up by the Associated Press for it to count.
But based upon this thread, it sounds like it should be expanded to include any obituary or notice of death published in any publication, but you get double points if the cause of death is published as well.
This varies by newspaper. In my paper we had death notices (pretty much what you specified, just the bare facts) which were paid by the family (either directly or through the mortuary if any); funeral notices, which are expanded notices with details about the person’s life, written and paid for by the family; and obituaries, which are news stories, written and published at the discretion of the news department. The news department is where you will find obituaries pre-written for famous old people (and then touched up at the last minute when they finally die). As for using the terms, believe me, everyone in advertising knew the difference, and used them correctly (in my experience).
Lots of families are shocked at the cost of funeral notices, and end up cutting them down from their original length. Boastful and rich (but not newsworthy) families could and often would run huge funeral notices, multi-columns with photos, which some folks would confuse with news obituaries. One key way to recognize the difference is the font. Only news stories like obituaries can use the news font. Funeral notices use a classified font, although they can make it bigger if they want. If there is an obituary, there can also be a paid funeral notice, especially if the family are not happy with the content of the news obituary.
Again, this was the way it is at the paper I retired from 7 years ago.
Regarding people who died young: we put lung cancer in Mom’s obit, she was in her 50s. I’ve also read obits for teenagers and young adults my age that mention tragic accidents, where the actual cause of death was not suicide but car crashes. The obit will not tell you who was at fault (why would they?) but the news reports will publish names after first of kin has been notified.
Advice about not needing to know the cause of death if you don’t go to the funeral doesn’t work if you can’t travel due to COVID, or if there can’t be a funeral due to COVID, or if you can’t time off work / can’t afford to travel for any more funerals, etc.
Although I should note even in the case of a close sister or brother, or even a parent or (adult) child, sometimes the cause of death being an accidental overdose v suicide can be “undetermined intent”.
~Max
It has nothing to do with “steath bragging”, or letting people know that “no one believed in birth control” 
Perhaps they simply want to share the positive traits, things they enjoyed about the person. For my grandparents, for example, family was VERY important, and I know that was one of the things I remember when I think of them. It’s not about “bragging”.
I don’t view this as failing to help so much as persuasive evidence that “obituary” does not actually have such a narrow Official definition.
Pretty common here to learn the cause of death in an obituary. Cancers, suicides, car accidents, medical malpractice ( though that one I’ve only seen in a memorial notice- family lost their special needs daughter and sued the hospital now every year they mention it in her memorial notice).
The opiate/ drug deaths I find a little cringy when it’s phrased like a big relief that loved one finally lost their epic battle with drug addiction. Idk, seems a bit too much info.
Honestly Obits make me cry sometimes, happily moved to tears, by the written tribute for the unique individual that accomplished so much.
Where is here Chela?