Whenever I read an obituary, I’m always curious as to why a particular person has died, especially if that person is fairly young. I understand that death is a tragic event and it is probably very difficult to talk about. I do not necessarily want to know all the morbid details, but just the basic cause like “heart attack” or “car accident”. I’m not trying to be insensitive here, but I am wondering if there are some rules of etiquette surrounding the death of someone which include not asking how the person actually died. Is it really in poor taste to ask? Or is it not so much in poor taste but really none of anyone’s business except the close family? Luckily, I have not had to deal with the death of a close friend or family member so I really have no frame of reference for what a person dealing with a such a tragedy must be feeling. Just wondering if my curiousity is totally misplaced.
I’ve read plenty of obits where the cause of death is given. Where are you located? It might be a local thing.
Sometimes they do. But sometimes dudes also feel that “died of lung cancer after decades of being a heavy smoker” will make people feel that they “brung it on themselves”.
That’s more or less true, BTW- most early deaths are really slow suicide brought on by foolish lifestyle choices.
I’ve noticed the same thing. Usually when it is an elderly person, it doesn’t matter but when you read about a young person, it is curious what caused their early demise. I think it may just be harder on the family to add that information.
My favorites are the “Rod T. Donovan, 17, died tuesday of natural causes.”
Wait, wait, hold on a second…!
There are some causes of death which the family may not want disclosed. (suicide, drug overdose, got drunk and fell out a window etc.)
In the UK, most obituaries are written in advance, and printed the day after the death announcement. Therefore sometimes the cause of death will not have been officially declared at the time of printing.
I think it’s more of a small town thing. I think big city papers are more likely to tell cause of death.
BTW, if you like reading biographies in the form of obits, you might want to read this
recently released book by Mark Steyn, one of my favorite columnists:
The obvious answer to the OP’s question is that (at least in the US) the obituaries are written by the family of the deceased. It is entirely up to them what to include and what to omit.
I think in many cases, they prefer to emphasize the life and accomplishments of the deceased, rather than the cause of death. In some cases it may be a deliberate omission, and in others it may be an oversight.
Short answer, there is no single answer.
An obituary, as far as I know (it’s probably not true for famous people whose lives/deaths are news items in themselves), is not a piece of reporting, but a paid “advertisement” written by the family of the deceased. You take out an obituary and put whatever you want in it.
In my area, at least, most obituaries are written by the family of the deceased and submitted to the newspaper. Only famous individuals will merit an obituary written by one of the newspaper staff. Our local newspaper has a standard form for their published obituaries, and you just fill out the form and plug in the relevant details. When my grandmother died last year, it was like playing a macabre version of Mad Libs preparing her obituary. I can’t speak for other areas, but around here “died at home” or “died unexpectedly” are the usual obituary euphemisms for a suicide or overdose. I certainly can’t blame grieving families for not wanting to share the details of a loved one’s death under those sorts of circumstances with the thousands of complete strangers who read the local paper every day.
In my father’s case (suicide), when we wrote the obituary, we left out the cause of death. However, the search and rescue attempt and subsequent finding of his body had made the front pages of the paper already, so it was hardly a secret. I inadvertantly muddied the waters by naming the local hospice as a preferred charity for donations, so there were quite a few people under the impression that he had something terminal, and that was the reason for his suicide.
I think that I want my obituary to read something along the lines of “Died being awesome.” whether or not it is true. Hmm, remind me to tell my wife and kids about that one.
Sometimes you can make an educated guess at the cause of death if they say, “In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Cancer Society” or what have you.
I have some recent experience with this as my father passed away 3 weeks ago. The family wrote the meat of the obituary. However, a reporter called to verify facts and get a quote or two. The obituary as printed was basically what the paper had sent to them (cleaned up a bit, IIRC) with a quotation added.
{The reporter called me and asked what my father’s thoughts were on the new cholestrol statin drugs. Not surprisingly, despite the fact he was a well known nutrition researcher, this never came up in our phone conversations when I talked to him in the hospital. Nontheless, I told the reporter what he generally said about such things and that quote was in the article.}
The obit ran under the reporter’s byline. The funeral director told me that often reporters call to confirm and get a quote or some other tidbit so that they can be called the author of the story. As he explained it to me, “it’s a union thing.”
An obituary isn’t a news item or written to satisfy a strangers curiosity. It’s to let friends, family and acquaintances of the deceased know they passed away and calling hours. I imagine those people know why the person died.
What I find odd is the new custom of putting photos of the person when they were about 20 in the obituary. If your 90, you don’t look like that anymore and I doubt if the people that live in your neighborhood or apartment building are going to recognise you.
My current local paper doesn’t require cause of death, but most people seem to list it.
We actually had a bit of a fight with the paper when my father died. The cause of his death was undetermined and there was some question of medical malpractice. When pressed by the obit desk, I said “his heart stopped.” The reporter or editor sneered at me, “Everybody’s heart stops when they die” and kept pressing me for the cause, even when I said that we were still waiting for the cause of death. They finally ran it as “coronary event,” which isn’t any more descriptive but which satisfied the obit guy. This was when I decided to run a display ad rather than an obit the next time a family member dies.
There’s never any easy way to say that Grandpa died from a cocaine overdose in the middle of a Thai brothel in the middle of intercourse screaming, “I’m vacationing like a motherfucka’!”
So it’s just less awkward to say, “natural causes.”
You didn’t have to read the months of obits listed in the local papers under the special heading “September 11, 2001.”
Every single one of them listed the cause of death.
When I was in high school my best friend’s dad committed suicide. The family (mom was a pretty high-powered attorney) tried HARD to keep it out of the paper.
They failed.
Of course, IIRC, it wasn’t in the obituary (which is usually written by the family, no?), but an actual news item.