I have a new scourge - DVD packaging. I’ve gotten DVD’s that had the little adhesive sealing tape strip on THREE sides. Stoli’s trick doesn’t work there. You just have to to break out the knife. And I love when they misapply the tape, so it actually stretches out the clear plastic cover. At least CD’s have hard plastic.
Err…do you mean employees of the store? I hope that’s it, otherwise I can’t find a reason why you would steal a CD and then return it to the store…
I can’t be the only person who thinks that Gnawed by Beavers would be a great band name.
That said, I also hate the way that CD’s are packaged. However, they have made great strides since the mid 80’s. Remember when CD’s came in a shrunk wrapped jewel case that was inserted in a shrunk wrapped cardboard box? Talk about wasteful AND useless.
Jewel cases may be one of the worst engineered designs ever. They are the Tacoma Narrows of consumer goods (or consumer bads depending on your POV).
They have their limitations, but they’re breathtakingly inexpensive and darn good at protecting their contents. AFAIK, they are generally considered to be a design success.
A more resilient, more flexible plastic packaging would be welcomed, but the transparency effect comes into the equation here- typically something can be only two of these three things:
transparent
flexible
inexpensive
I am a big fan of the cardboard/plastic amalgam that recalls the old LP album covers, but they also add a dollar or more to the manufactured cost. Lately, I’ve also been into the little skinny ones you can get some CD-R’s in. Less than half as wide as the “classic” jewel cases and they do the same job.
The tabs breaking off the cover is bad enough but my big beef is the little ‘fingers’ that go in the hole (no comment!) break off and I’m left with an ‘unsupported’ disk. I have tons of jewel cases they the CD just falls out of because the ‘fingers’ are broken. The clear ones seem to be the worst offenders.
NP: Children of Bodom - Hatebreeder
Oh, yes, that beloved agonizingly neat and infuriatingly tidy packaging of a CD. I gleefully run off to the store to buy those three CDs I’ve wanted to purchase for eons. Naturally, whenever I chance upon a music store and actually happen to have some spare cash on me, every single item I’ve had on the wish list flees from my brain like a stampede. It must be that innocent looking anti-theft device sabotage my neurotransmitters. Despite its malevolent intent, this time I will prevail! I have focused my mind to a razor edge. Like a Zen master I float by the fiendish sentry unnoticed and unmolested. I find those three CD’s and rapidly return to my vehicle with a calm expression on my face so as not to alert the sentry to my uncanny victory.
I arrive at my car, close the door and sink into the welcoming seat. I relax for a nanosecond before my eyes wander across the CD player. Oh, yes, the CD player. With my sense of purpose renewed I turn to the task at hand. I retrieve the three CDs from the bag. It is a bag with the purpose of making my life easier. It is a bag designed to help me carry those three little parcels to any location I should desire with a carefree attitude and wreckless abandon. And then the irony of its existence sets upon me.
I stare at the reflected sheen of the cellophane tautly stretched over the object of my desire. It is a nearly invisible wall which separates me from bliss. I rub my fingers against it to gain purchase, to make a bubble, to create something to grasp. My efforts are futile. I carefully pick at the seam of the cellophane so that I might assist my precious item in its liberation. Why did I trim my fingernails that morning? I knew I was going to buy CDs that day. Delicate operations give way desperate scratching. My jaw clenches in frustration. Crazed scratching turns to rabid shredding by teeth. Have I no tool to defeat this mighty archnemesis? Have I come this far only to be stopped by cellophane? Damn you BASF! You don’t make the cellophane, you just make it the single most aggravating product in the universe!
So what do I do, you ask? Naturally I turn on my car a press the bane of my existence against the scorching exhaust manifold. Aha! I have vanquished my foe! I tear into the chink in its armor and rend its clutches from my treasure. It is mine at last! In all of my glory, I stare at the mangled pieces of my enemy. It is eviscerated. It is slain. And now I may hear the rapture that is that song—that single song for which I bought an entire CD costing $18.99.
Nooooooo!!! I am thwarted again! That bastard spawned a new demon before its flight to oblivion. Yes, it is the tape. It is that adhesive with a bonding power superior to everything else in the know galaxy. Yet I will triumph. I show no mercy from the start. I will cleanse the CD of this cancer, this virus, this putrescence. Gnashing teeth and gouging fingernails wreak havoc up their target. But I am flanked! From beyond the grave the cellophane grimly launches another attack against me. It is there, attached to my elbow with tenacity borne by static electricity. And it is there, clutching my thigh with fierce determination. And is there, and there, and there! It is everywhere! Each disembodied piece with a mind of its own, yet functioning with the perfect military mind of the hive!
And while I am distracted, its spawn unleashed its power against me. Tiny shreds of tape rush me en masse like a barrage of splinters. They not only attack the body. They attack the mind. Outnumbered and sticky, I flail about to escape their deathly grip. I fling their bodies about. They’re on the other seat, on the window, on the dash and NO…sealing the CD player! I cannot win. With each laborious machination they pounce on me again. Covered with the blood my foes, I sit there dazed. I am somehow victorious. I feebly attempt to remove the bits of tape and cellophane from my body, but my noblest efforts are futile. I will bear these scars with honor.
So I gingerly pluck this gem from the case and insert it into the CD player. And as it disappears inside I notice a remnant of tape clinging to the CD. It laughs maniacally because it knows it has covered that single track I yearned to hear. It has won. Broken, I stare at the two remaining CDs and begin to quietly weep.
That is a 10.0 rant. In my life, I thought I’d never see a 10.0 rant totally devoid of obscenity, but you have proved me wrong. This line specifically:
will remain with me for hours, like the lingering aftertaste of a double mocha expresso.
I am impressed. And I do NOT impress easily, unless placed under a very heavy object.
B.
The little piece of tape is the cd equivilent of those sealant strips on bottles of medicine–it’s the manufacturers way of indicating to you, the consumer, and to the store if you choose to return it, that the cd / dvd hasn’t been opened.
But what about the shrink wrap? Doesn’t that do the same thing?
I’m glad you asked. Many stores have their own shrink wrap machines. Some used cd stores will shrink wrap your purchases on request, say if you wanted to give them as gifts. The little tape prevents stores from opening the cd/dvd without the customer’s knowledge.
Ok, now for my own complaint. I buy a lot of Honk Kong dvd’s and they have their own special tape that has silvery colored sticky stuff holding it to the front and back. It’s pretty easy to remove, but you have to be very, very careful to pull very slowly if you don’t want to remove the tape but live the silvery stuff.
Other than that, I like the Hong Kong style (those used by Universe and Mega Star) keep case a lot better than any American one.
Pity me.
Really.
I’m in the process of cataloguing a collection of 10,000 CDs for a music library. Most of them arrive with the various wrappings still on. Needless to say I’m getting pretty good at opening them, and replacing damaged parts.
I’m pretty much over my rage by now, except those little silver strips still torment me.
However, the only thing that has defeated me so far is removing the remains of disintegrated foam padding from CD sets that have been sitting in storage for the past decade or so. The sticky, dusty particles adhere to the surface of the CD and are very difficult to remove without also removing the information printed on the CD. Oh, like the title and that sort of thing.
Gee, look how calmly I wrote that.
rivulus (the ticking time bomb)
Thanks for the tip, stolichnaya, I just bought 2 new CDs today and that worked wonderfully.
Billy, thank you for your compliments. Since you appreciate my misery, would you do a small favor for me? The children continue to point and stare with their small pink lips agape in horror. Their parents cover the eyes of their children and turn up their noses in disgust. Pleasae make them stop.
Keep your eyes on CompUSA and or Best Buy ads I have seen them selling packs of 10 jewel cases for $4 and then give a $4 dollar mail in rebate.
I really don’t understand the problem, here. Just keep an x-acto knife handy, and slice at the seams. CD’s open, no problem. And I rarely have problems w/ my CD cases. just be careful with the damn things. ANd they’re ridiculously cheap to replace, too.
I will do far better than that. I will use my mystical powers to make them buy cd’s of their own! Muuuhahahahahahahaha!!!
Still the tastiest rant ever. If my mental image of you shredding the CD wrapper and ending up covered in tiny sparkly silver pieces of tape is anything like reality, I am in serious lust.
b.
When I worked at an independent record store this is the trick we would use so we could listen to the CD’s then shrink wrap them again and sell them… yes… your NEW CD may have been previously listened to!! Bwaaahahaha
THat was pretty freakin funny!! [homer]Its funny cause its true![/homer]
Just wanted to bump my first Pit Thread (so cute) to thank stolichnaya for this little gem of wisdom:
I have now been using this system for all new CD’s (alot). Works like a charm. Way to turn my rage into knowledge. SDMB doin’ what it’s supposed to. Smooth.
It was, however, worth living with the temporary ignorance (and rage) just to hear Nen’s rant!
DaLovin’ Dj
Well you’re quite welcome, dj. That classic rant definitely deserves a good bumping.
warning: i may be posting gratuitously while it’s still free
the easiest way to get rid of the cello is to grip the cd along the top with your right hand, thumb on front cover, rest of fingers on back, place the bottom spine on the edge of a counter top, and pull toward you. press a little bit, and you might have to try several times. but the cello along that part will tear, and will come off easily.