Just for the record, Mike Lenehan is kind of cute, too. - Jill
Going by today’s column, you would have to say that in essence it sounds like Cecil may be the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Oh, I see Cecil, you just happened to notice that picture, hmmm? What’s that you say? You already knew the answer but you just thought you’d better help out EB by checking they had it correct. Riiiiiight
Sometime in the posts that were lost during the Great Blackout, or whatever, someone posted a link to the US Patent Office Registered Trademark Office that plainly stated that Cecil Adams is a pseudonym for a group of people who wish to remain anonymous.
I’ll be damned if I can find that post, too.
If I remember correctly, that tired old joke belongs to Handy. And I say it’s tired and old because in the thread I saw it in the response was mostly along the lines of “Again with the stupid patent joke? :rolleyes:”.
Aha! So that’s what was really going on during the Winter of Our Missed Content[sup]TM[/sup]!!! The Straight Dope Illuminati just pretended that someone had hacked into the server–but really they were just trying to cover up the truth of Cecil’s identity! But the truth is out!
Hey, I’ll be right back, there’s just these guys pounding on my door…I think they landed in a black helicopter or something…Wonder why they’ve got CAPM (Cecil Adams, Perfect Master) emblazoned on their jumpsuits??
I have discovered undeniable proof that Cecil and Ed are not the same person.
There is a user of this message board who posts under the name Cecil Adams. There is also a user who posts as Ed Zotti. It is the policy of this board to ban sock puppets when their existance becomes known to the administration. Ed is the administration, so if Ed and Cecil are socks, the admin. is aware. It would be hypocritical to ban other socks while being a sock himself. Hypocrisy is not a trait that one would find in a perfect master. Cecil is the perfect master, so therefore Cecil cannot be Ed. oh and 
Yes, lobley, there is a Cecil Adams. He exists as certainly as inteligence, wisdom, sarcasm and smarte assedness exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Cecil Adams! It would be as dreary as if there were no lobleys. There would be no intellectual curiosity then, no goatfelchers, no Hi Opals to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which intelligence fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Cecil Adams! You might as well not believe in Mods and Admins. You might get your papa to have men to watch in all the forums on all the boards to catch Cecil Adams, but even if you did not see Cecil posting, what would that prove? Nobody sees Cecil, but that is no sign that there is no Cecil. The most real things in the world are those that neither trolls nor respected posters can see. Did you ever see the US make it to the round of eight? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive of imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You tear apart male ejaculate and see what the caloric content is, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest mean, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only truth, justice, post count parties and dopefests, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, lobley, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Cecil Adams! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, lobley, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of wit.
(with apologies to whoever wrote that in the New York Sun)