Ceiling Plaster Patterns

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear Plasterers:

Stop putting those fancy plaster patterns on ceilings. The patterns can’t be matched unless you use the exact same tool, and the exact same consistency of plaster, as the original builder used. Even a professional plasterer must conduct a lengthy, messy, expensive program of plastering research to figure out how to match an existing pattern, and even then, the results are subpar. Because of this, a 1-square-foot repair on a 300-square-foot ceiling often requires the entire goddamned ceiling to be scraped and replastered.

Or did you know that already, you magnificent bastards?

Sincerely,

Homeowners of America

2

I always thought that those patterns were kind of creepy, in a 60s sort of way.

I’m not sure why.

3

It’s not like a smooth ceiling patches up nice. You can pick out the spot that isn’t an exact match at the joint, especially when it comes to the edge where the painted plaster blends to the new plaster. Small cracks are not obvious on a textured ceiling.

4

Popcorn ceilings are the worst idea ever.

5

Unless you’re a drunk college student who is obsessed with inserting bottle caps in to it.

6

Moved from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share.
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7

We always called that a stippled ceiling. Created of course with a stipple brush.

8

Why, I don’t know, you naughty boy, I’ve never stippled.