This is a dark day at The Raj Ratings. I feel like I’ve lost my favorite perverted, overbearing, filthy uncle who is as likely to spread a disease as he is to spread a smile. But seriously, Gene was making this show great. Forget only being as strong as your weakest link, this show was forced to be as strong as it’s most watchable star due to his insanely high level of ego, self-belief, and narcisism. And, it was fantastic to watch. That said, I’ll soldier on, because I believe that while no one person can make up for our lost beacon of disgusting competence, there exists a plethora of weirdos, freaks, and crazy stars to entertain us going forward. Sigh, Gene, this ones for you.
The Raj Ratings
David – Who? Exactly.
Tiffany Fallon, Nadia Comaneci - Any Way You Slice It, these two are clearly not in the class of their new neighbor in this group.
Gene Simmons (KISS frontman) – Let’s revisit what I wrote last week in the wayback machine. “His greatest strengths (massive ego, self-reliance, gigantic tongue) will probably be his undoing.” Clearly, I thought that would happen in week 9 when his ego had gone from fun to watch to tiresome, so this was clearly too soon. Still, all he had to do was bring Nely back in and we’d still have Gene to watch next week. It is pretty clear that he works within his own confines which probably helped to shorten his shelf life here. Clearly, this was one of those Crazy Crazy Nights.
Sam – Candidates that are not hated, loved, competent, sane, or normal but provide the combo of unintential comedy, limited shelf life, and way below average results.
Carol Alt (Model) – I really have no idea what to think of her at this point. She’s a completely overlooked player on a team that has performed poorly. Does that make her the weakest of the lot, or smart enough to let the failures fail until she swoops in. Any Way You Slice It, she’s an enigma.
Vincent Pastore (Italian sterotype) – At this point, do you think he realizes he only acted as a mob guy and wasn’t really a mob guy. I can’t help but think back to George Costanza’s theory with lie detectors – “It’s not a lie, if you believe it.” When your time comes, I don’t think you’ll Rise To It. Total cannon fodder here.
Nely Galan (Some TV exec with Telemundo) - I don’t want to exist in a reality TV world where this hussy goes on while Gene takes the fall. Granted, I know that The Street Giveth & The Street Taketh Away, but this one really hurt. She clearly fits the mold of someone who knows what management is because of what the books and experts tell her, but has no specific style or ability of her own that actually works. Buzzwords and flavor of the month techniques do not a successful manager make.
Donald Trump – A special nod for the big man this week. How many other times has he made some random firing decision that defied logic and ignored the supposed rules? You couldn’t have done that just one more time? When he fired Gene, all I could say was No No No.
Omarosa – Villians and late round cannon fodder kept around solely for editors and the viewing public to mock.
Omarosa (Attention whore) – I can’t believe how very vaguely normal she was this episode. Normally an episode with her featured feels like it lasts 100,000 Years, but when she’s a minor player, she’s almost acceptable.
Katrina – Hot chicks, closet wackos, and middle of the road performers.
Jennie Finch (Gold medal winning softball pitcher) – Honestly, she’s no different so far than Carol Alt and probably worse based on experience levels, but I see her and know I’m suckered by the fact that she’s Hotter Than Hell.
Trace Adkins (Country singer) – I can’t see him succeeding as a leader of any of these people, because I think the first sign of craziness under him, and he’s likely to throw his hat in anger, start talking in his deep monotone, and put everyone to sleep. He works well with voiceovers and country music, but he doesn’t exactly give any of us Thrills In The Night.
Tito Ortiz (Ultimate Fighter) – Say hello to the least project managing Project Manager ever. His suit spoke more loudle than he did. I haven’t seen formal dress like that since a Talking Heads video or NBA draft night. I Just Wanna put a match to that thing.
Lennox Lewis (Boxing champ) – Down a slot, because at this point he’s verging on team mascot. If he doesn’t Rise To It, the odds are he’ll go away in 6th place without ever having said a useful word.
Troy – Likeable, maybe even loveable, but you just know they have a ceiling.
Marilu Henner (Actress) – She needed a quiet week and for someone else to look bad (Thanks Nely) to get herself back to a solid position. Both of those happened and I still think she’s a dark horse to win this thing. She’s another good episode away from being in a New York Groove and really rocketing up the charts.
Kwame – Good to great, but just can’t quite be considered the top dog. But, someone to be reckoned with.
Piers Morgan (Editor) – This is one of those people that gives me hope now that the Gene pool is a little shallower. He seems pretty spot on with his analysis, puts up with very little inanity, will clearly play dirty, and has a good head on his shoulders. He might be the hidden gem in this Psycho Circus.
Stephen Baldwin (2nd funniest Baldwin brother, although his is 99% driven by unintentional comdey) – Without Gene around, Don’t You Let Me Down. He now shifts into the most watchable slot on this show thanks to his slicked down, carnival barker persona. He’ll clearly do something dumb at some point (this is Stephen Baldwin the reality show contestant we’re talking about here,) but until then, I really will enjoy the ride.
Bill – A diamond in a field of drooling camera hogs. Someone who, whether the team wins or loses, has the look of a finalist and likely winner.
Sigh.
The Perdew/Rancic Corollary – Nely and Omarosa are done. I had Carol here, but now I’m not sure why. She may be secretly better than I thought. Eh, probably not, she’s done, also. The rest of the guys are still good, though Stephen might be in a little danger as his actions seem to become a little more mocked each week.
