Cell phone...work bathroom...it can't wait?

You have truly taken your punishing, uber-busy schedule in your hands and mastered it by super multi-tasking. You’re a pioneer of grouping together tasks no one else would have thought of pairing up to save a little time and effort.

You’re not only talking on your cell phone while in the middle of taking what I could only surmise was a dump, but you were doing it in the common bathroom stalls at work. And I must say, your ability to carry on a full-blown conversation while sitting on the commode taking care of your business is impressive. Talking about work on your cell phone in the middle of unloading the remnants of that day’s lunch in the work bathrooms - you’re an inspiration to us time-challenged schlubs who actually wait until we’re done with the bodily function stuff in the bathroom to start making phone calls. Sheesh, what a waste of time! Going to bathroom to* only * - use the bathroom? But there’s so much else we could be doing at the same time!

And you went on to mention to whomever you were speaking that you were in the bathroom at that moment, and so you would look up whatever it is they wanted to know and get back to them when you were finished.

I’ve heard people yak on cell phones before while in the bathroom. This was the first time I’ve heard someone at work, on the phone, talking to someone else about work while actively using the commode - and telling them they’ll get this or that later because, you know Susie, I’m taking a dump right now so I’ll have to get back to you on that.

“Cripes! What’s that noise?”

“Oh, someone in the stall next to me must have had Mexican food for lunch. Sounds like a revolution over there. Anyway, did you run the numbers for…”

So, Miz Power Pooper, Mistress of Multitasking - I salute you!

Wait, this is the pit. I didn’t use any profanity. Tell you what, replace “dump” with “shit” in my post above. :smiley:

When that happens at my work (and it happens all the time), I flush the toilet every 10 seconds just to try to make sure the person on the other end knows just how important they are to Tommy Talkin-Squat.


One of my coworkers heard a very self-important person on the cellphone whilst pooping. At some point the yakker said “I’m in a very important meeting right now” which caused my friend to start snickering.

I would have to fight the urge to yell out “He’s not in a meeting! He’s taking a crap!”

The best is when you’re standing at a urinal, and the dude next to you has one of those douchetooth headsets, but on the ear that’s not facing you, so you don’t see it out of your peripheral vision.

Suddenly, the guy starts talking. At the urinal. Quite the moment of supreme confusion, if you know anything about men’s restroom etiquette.

At least he wasn’t eating lunch too.

I make a special effort to fart loudly when I’m in the bathroom and people are talking on their cell phones.

I never take calls in the stalls, but it is tempting, because for some reason or other my wife has this radar, and only calls me when I’m on the can.

Or maybe it’s me, since at one point I took our cordless in with me when I was home alone, because someone was sure to call every damn time.

When I was living in the dorms in college, my long-distance girlfriend and I use to have phone sex a lot. I was usually forced to make those calls in the restroom stalls. It was usually late at night, but a few times some guys walked in. That was embarrassing :eek:

Texting whilst pooping is still okay, right? I mean it isn’t like anyone could know you were getting all 133t on them while you were taking a 134k.

No, that’s inaccurate.

It would be the remnants of yesterday’s lunch, not todays. (Unless this person suffers from massive idgestive problems.)

Normally, waste products from food take about 24 hours before they leave the other end of the body.

It is disconcerting when you run into the head to do business and a disembodied voice asks if I could pick up some mile on the way home. Especially when I had just given myself the same mental note.

I do have to plead guilty to occasionally taking calls on the can, but only because my wife only calls during work if it’s something that can’t wait. That happened a couple of weeks ago, when she was stuck in traffic, and she needed me to look up something. I was put in the rather embarrassing position of letting her know that she “caught me at a bad time… No… Yes, I’m on the pot…” I told her I’d call her back in five minutes… Only five… because there’s nothing to read here.

I would not have fought that urge. I never fight any urges I have while sitting on the toilet.

Having a conference call while in the shitter? Classic!!

In my office they have banned cell phone talking while in the bathroom.

Believe you me no one does it because the tattle tales have nothing better to do than complain to the managers when someone does take a call in the stall.

C’mon, collectively we’re smart enough to work out an effective strategy here.

For example, my brother did consulting work for Logan Airport. He was on a shuttlebus with a flight crew when he received a phone call from his wife. A flight attendant seated behind him started moaning in ecstacy, and then exclaimed “Hey, that ceiling really needs a coat of paint!”

We can surely come up with something similar. How about banging the walls and shouting out:

“Oh my GOD, I think I’m giving birth in here!”


“Oh God, let me live and I’ll never eat another burrito again!”

I am chagrined to say that I worked with someone who did just that. Someone in the next stall was surprised to see his hands set a partially eaten submarine sandwich on the floor while he presumably took care of other things.

And he never washed his hands after using the men’s room. People with communal candy dishes learned to hide them when he was in the area; otherwise, it all got dumped in the trash.

Book title!

What’s the big deal about taking a call in the can? I’ve done it, I’ll probably do it again sometime. It’s nothing that I plan, but sometimes you get a call when you’re least expecting it. I’m sorry if it upsets someone’s concentration, but it’s not like I’m taking the call while seeing a movie or something.

I will never understand this. I used to work with another notorious non-washer who had a habit of taking the company-subscribed newspapers out of the lunch-room into the bathroom to spend twenty minutes or so in there with them, putting each section down on the floor as he finished. Then he’d reassemble the paper and drop it back on one of the lunch-room tables. Wouldn’t stop no matter how many people told him it was disgusting, he just figured everybody else was too sqeamish. Everyone just kept an eye out and tried to make sure that the papers he used in there went into the trash after he brought them back.

Thank god the dirty motherfucker liked to read The Province (subliterate tabloid) and left my fucking Globe alone.

And the ghost of LBJ would appear unto you and explain that there’s no reason the two should be mutually exclusive.

I deal with those people by making really loud fake farting noises, the ones you make by blowing a raspberry into the crook of your elbow. You know, just in case the person on the other end of the phone doesn’t realize where the guy is. I’m helpful like that. :smiley: