Cellphone/texting practices

I guess this approaches something I do feel strongly about, and a way in which I probably do differ from the path “communication” is taking. I’m not going to take the time to phrase this perfectly, but in some respects participating in a conversation requires that you pay your full attention to the other person. Yes, I realize that not every social interaction requires that you clear your mind, focus on the other person’s face/body language, and dote on every word. But there is a continuum and when you get to the point where you are contemporaneously conducting a different conversation with someone who is not in the room, well, you have significantly changed the nature of the communication.

I guess I’m having a hard time imagining why any of my acquaintances who were not with me would be in the least bit interested in receiving a text/call about who I happened to meet in a bar, or why I would want to share that with someone who was not there. Maybe remember it and relate it as a story the next time we meet, sure. But why is there any immediate urge to share it?

If you have the time to text me, you have the time to call me. Texting is specifically for when I say to text me the info. Which never happens. Because I have email for that.

I don’t have the plan on my phone, so it was costing 15 cents for every one that came in. I finally just shut off the ability to receive pix and text thanks to the incredibly helpful techs at Verizon Wireless. Now my friends know to call, but it was fun for about a month there.

This is one of the things which texting does still permit - you can break off at any point to devote this additional attention to the face-to-face conversation. And generally people will be flipping back and forth between the two at a very rapid rate, perhaps more than once a second. Bear in mind that plenty of people can write parts of the message without looking at the keypad.

It’s not just about sharing it, distributing it to absentees. It’s the ability to interact with people who are not present. Flipping the question around, why the need to restrict such interaction to those who are in the same room as you?

What kind of phone contract did you have that charged for incoming texts? I’ve never heard of that.

The only time I’ve been charged for incoming texts is while on roaming overseas.

Like I say, 90%-plus of my mobile-phone use is texting. You could take away the voice-call functionality of my mobile today and I really wouldn’t miss it. I’ve never been one for chatting on the phone, so texting is great for me – I can stay in touch without having to endure lengthy phone calls.

(Except I have to go through the weekly 90-minute phone call to my parents, which tends to consist of me talking to my mum for 70 minutes, then being passed over to my dad and spending 20 minutes saying “Yes, mum told me,” or “I’ve already told mum this,” or “My dinner’s ready soon/getting cold/on fire”…)

I guess that is a valid observation - although also a manner in which you and I probably differ. In my mind, in many respects the effectiveness of much of interpersonal communication is lessened as the number of participants is expanded. So I don’t really see the need/desire to expand the circle, whereas you seem to suggest expanding it as a matter of course.

Another aspect is, with very few exceptions I don’t believe I or my family/friends are generally interested in participating in activities/conversations other than where we are. Vicariously, as it were. An exception might be if I were stuck at work on the graveyard shift or somesuch. But generally, if you are out somewhere doing something without me, I hope you are enjoying yourself, but am perfectly fine not hearing about it until we see/talk to each other next - if then.

Oh, and I don’t think I mentioned it before, but don’t you believe texting requires more attention than merely having music playing in the background? I suggest a majority of the people who presently have music on may be aware of it, they are definitely hearing it, but they are not actively “listening” to it. I generally feel I owe the people I am with somewhat more attention than a radio.

And I guess perhaps I do afford a little priority to people whose physical presence I am in. Again, not sure how well I am phrasing this off the top of my head, but it just seems so much more intimate in some respects than most forms of electronic communication. While a person is conversing with you, they are sharing their very presence with you, and foregoing the ability to do so many other things. Am I unique in thinking that that type of situation inherently behooves you to pay a greater degree of attention and respect than even a phone call?

I love sending and receiving text messages with family and friends. For family, we are really far flung, and maybe that’s entirely different from your circumstances. So sending a text message or holding a conversation by text is a way to stay connected.

That’s the thing I’m not understanding from your post. I get that you think face-to-face conversation is more intimate and certainly I agree that it is. But I don’t think texting diminishes the face-to-face conversation, which I’m interpreting you to be saying.

Texting is just another communication tool I use to stay as connected as possible with the people I care about. When my husband was looking at dressers for his apartment in Boston, he sent me a text outlining the various options, and also a picture. In a similar way, my son just told me what was wrong with a soup recipe I stole from him but failed to duplicate–MUCH faster than trying to hold a normal conversation (Hi how are you etc etc) and less intrusive on both our work days.

Really truly it’s just another tool.

There’s certainly one situation which is similar to this, which accounts for a significant chunk of my social usage, which is the international element. My sister is eight hours ahead of me, so her amusing drunken antics can liven up a dull afternoon for me, and mine can occupy her during her boring morning commutes. (Not that alcohol is a prerequisite, of course…)

Oh, I hate background music, but I don’t quite see the connection.

I do get what you’re saying here, and it’s just social differences, which you’re welcome to either embrace or steer clear from. And of course, we all behave differently and devote different attention when in conversation with a friend in a bar, compared to talking to one’s boss in a meeting, or when visiting the doctor. The multitasking I describe is one additional option which can be used in some situations, and it doesn’t necessarily supplant the availability of the others. (E.g. when in the with-friend-in-bar situation, lighthearted conversation can be combined with texting, but you won’t do so if they’re pouring their heart out about their marriage breaking down.)

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I can’t understand why, if you’re out socializing with your firends, you’d suddenly start socializing with someone who is absent (unless they are supposed to be there too and you’re calling because you’re wondering where the hell they are).

My phone is almost always off unless I’m specifically expecting a call. I do check voice mail once a day because it’s the only messaging service I’ve got. However, for awhile when I’d misplaced my watch, I would check the time on the display. So it became a pocket watch. If I was really late, I’d probably check it half a doazen times in the same way you uselessly but obsessively check your wristwatch when you’re late: “Dammit! I’m ten minutes late already… Dammit, now I’m 12 mnutes late!.. Dammit!..”

I never actually answer my phone. I only rarely call out on it. It is a device that enables me to order pizza, because none of the online order forms will accept a not-really-address on the university campus. I’m pretty sure it’s still set to use the standard Nokia ringtone, but I don’t know for sure, since I’ve had it on silent/vibrate for months.

I use text messaging a lot like I use AIM. If I know the other person is likely to be paying attention it can be used for immediate chat, but more likely I’m sending out “Hi. I’m bored. Let me practice my foreign language(s) on you,” messages, which need not be answered immediately or at all. (I was sitting in my German class this morning, which was a goof-off class session since it’s the last before finals, texting someone during the lulls in decent French and terrible Italian. It amuses me.) It doesn’t even occur to me to text while I’m talking to someone who is physically in the room, unless I’m trying to give someone else directions on where to meet us.

As a secondary feature, since I check my voice mail once in a blue moon, SMS acts as an answering machine. Anyone can send me a text from the T-Mobile website, even if they don’t own a cell phone. Since most of my friends spend about half their waking hours in front of a computer, it works out well.

I spent many years in the wireless industry and have seen many transitions.
I used to talk on the phone ALOT until I spent many years in a call center, and I suppose age may contribute to my lack of interest. I much rather IM/email/blog/board on a computer and text on a cellphone than talk on a phone. Maybe because there seems to be a little more noise filtering when you’re not on the phone (or rather, more privacy). Oh, and the best thing is that you can “respond” when you feel like it.

I’m learning to appreciate texting. My husband’s & my commute are both rather extensive, and our schedules are erratic, so we check in before embarking on our regular journeys.

Reading a text, at 8 pm, saying “1930 eta 2130 LYB” is easier than dialing voicemail, remembering this particular security code, entering the security code, listening to how many expired messages are currently marked for deletion, pushing 1 to listen to “Hey, babe, it’s 7:30 I’m on my way, I’ll need gas when I get to town so give me an extra half hour. love you bye” and then pushing 7 to delete or 9 to save – or 9 to delete & 7 to save, which may explain why I always have expired messages marked for deletion, all while trying to get the hell out of the parking lot. I hate to to talk & drive, but texts can be read when it’s safe to do so.

If it’s urgent – “I hit a deer, bring the tow-chain” or “I’m in Des Moines, how do I get back to I-25?” or “There was a problem with the anesthesia. . .” – I appreciate the ring tone, clients glaring at me and all.

I’m glad LQ and I aren’t the only ones, but just try saying the bolded part five times in quick succession. :wink:

I use texting quite a bit because it seems so much less intrusive than calling. When you call someone, you always have to worry that it might be a bad time or they are busy or whatever. Texting, they respond when they want to/can. It’s less demanding. One thing I’ve noticed with the kids is that texting represents a transitional level of friendship–when you are, say, interested in a girl, but not quite at the place yet where you know her well enough to call her, you can text her jokes and witty observations and ask her if something was wrong, she looked upset and she will respond or not–you won’t have the awkwardness of calling and running out of things to say.

As far as texting in a bar goes, people don’t make plans the way they used to. Cell phones and then texting really changed that. It’s no longer “Let’s meet at X at 9” for a group–it’s much more fluid than that, people dropping in places to see what’s going on, people texting each other to say where they are and if something interesting is happening. People don’t make definite plans because they don’t need to–it’s so easy to change them once they get going.

As a teacher, I love texting–it’s the best way ever to communitcate with students. They text me little questions all the time about assignments, and it’s less intimidating than calling a teacher for them, and less intruisve/annoying for me. I answer when it’s a good time–usually right away, but not always. It’s even better as a nagging/group communication tool. I coach an academic competition team, and I send broadcast texts practically daily–everything from an eight in the morning “Permission slips today! Don’t forget!” to “Study music tonight. Learn all the songs or I will rip off your ears in the morning” in the early evening." Kids don’t check their email every day, but they have their phones on them.

I’m 49, work in high tech, and carry a PDA with email, internet, & text. Attitudinally I’m not a gadget guy; the PDA is for work & I don’t own a portable music player or a digital camera or a GPS device or …, nor can I see any reason for me to own any of those things. The 20-somethings that work for me however …
Let me start with a similar topic & then I’ll hit my thesis. Consider this:

When I log onto the SDMB there are a hundred conversations (threads) going on & I can choose to engage (or not) in each of them. And I can choose how I engage; skim, read, drive-by, deep reply, agree, disagree, insult. They’re all options I can choose. I’m in control & you all are both the stage & my audience. Said that way, my approach to the Dope sounds very selfish.

But I suspect if we each look carefully into why we like the Dope & which pleasure-buttons it pushes for us, we’ll see that element. We each get Friendship-light with lots of people & with no obligations. No matter what our mood or interest, there’s something appropriate going on. Yes, there are consequences if we act like jerks, but there are never obligations. Ultimately, it’s a giant buffet of social hors d’ouvres but not really a meal.

And that’s damn attractive. Everybody loves a good spread of party food even though we know it isn’t really a nutritious diet over the long haul.
With that example in mind, let’s talk about texting & the OP’s original questions.

I see texting as two very different phenomena using a common technological medium. And it’s important to keep the two distinct when trying to understand them.

  1. If I have a practical need to communicate (“I’ll be home at 7:30. Do we need milk?”), texting is a technical means that is aysncronous but near real time, non-audible, and portable. By “portable” I mean it reaches the person wherever they are, not their desktop PC or their home answering machine where they aren’t. And for passing simple facts or simple questions, it can be quicker than voice, especially if you’re likely to have a voicemail (or two) in the middle.

If the practical situation mostly fits aysnc-but-near-real-time, silent, portable, quick, and simple, it’s not surprising text is a good way to go. It’s functionally the same as (simplified) email, but portable.

So much for “practical” texting. Simple enough. What’s interesting is case #2, what I’d call “social” texting.

  1. As my life has sped up in tandem with the general pace of society & business, I find I bore much more easily thean I did 15 years ago. I can hardly sit still through a half-hour TV show; I could never enjoy attending a movie & haven’t been to one in years.

As a result, whenever I have a spare 10 minuutes (waiting for a train, plane, doctor, etc), sometime along about 3 minutes my PDA is out & I’m looking at the weather, the Dope, etc. Or phoning some friend or relative to pass the time. Or, more ocasionally, texting somebody.

When I become bored, I want to communicate. But I want it on my terms. By phoning somebody, we will or won’t have a communication depending on whether they answer or not, and the other person gets some say in the conversation. They might want to yak longer than I have time for. I get obligations attached to my communication.

By sending a text, I say what I want, with no chance for the other party to influence the result. Sending takes about as long as my attention span (30-60 seconds), I get the satisfaction, my boredom is relieved, and in some sense, I really don’t care whether or not you reply. I got my fix, at least for a few minutes.

In a modern young-ish social setting, everybody is bored all the time. Every 30 seconds they want something new to stimulate their mind. 100% of the reality & people around them is not dynamic enough. So when the boredom reaches critical threshold, they relieve it by a one-way communication on their terms.

I’ve noticed a social fact which I believe supports this. If you receive a text that’s not a practical request for information, are you obligated to respond? It seems the common social standard is No. In other words, the commonly acknowledged purpose of texting is transmitting, not receiving or round-tripping.

This isn’t grazing on social hors d’ouvres, it’s popping social peanuts in an almost-unconscious habit.

Like the OP, by that description I don’t mean to pass judgement on whether it’s Good or Bad. It simply is.
The critical difference between heavy texters & geezers like me is they aren’t surprised their peers are bored shitless in the middle of an active in-person social situation, and so they take no offense when the person next to them drops out for a minute to send “hey wachu doin” to someone not there.

I’ll add are you sure they’re texting? I’ve been on my blackberry now for about half an hour in the docs office typing and reading and typing again, but I’m surfing the dope. I use my BB for internet more than anything else ( personal wise. I get 150 to 200 emails a day for work and that’s the real reason I have it). As for checking it on the train, with my Bluetooth head set and my phone set up I could be watching a move or listing to music videos, playing some video games or well a hundred other things that from a far could be confused with txting. I’m not saying that’s always happening but I bet it’s a lot more than you would think.

Off-topic:

t-mobileguy, I’m not sure what you do (if anything) at T-Mobile, but yours is one of the few companies that I love!

I’m dealing with the flu (well, going to the the doc tomorrow where I expect official confirmation), so I almost feel like apologizing for not reading all the posts.

The last couple of days have been one example of why I like texting - I’m coughing and generally feel rotten, but I can let people know I am alive, I just feel horrid and that’s not why I’m answering the phone.

I also get a lot of alerts via text message - I twitter, and my central network on there comes to my phone. I pay for unlimited text messaging, because I’m likely to get 5,000 incoming texts in a month sometimes. During my move this summer, texting helped me stay in touch with people during and immediately following the move - when I stopped for lunch, I could pop a text to let someone know where I was without having to call them.

That said, my phone goes to silent, not even vibrate during meetings or other work functions. Social functions, it depends - sometimes I’ll keep it on vibrate, other times I’ll silence it completely.

Female, 34

I’m 39, and I check my phone for calls or the time every hour or so when I’m bored or maybe once a day when I’m busy. I’m not likely to have missed anything- my cell rings maybe once a week, but I check it just in case when I’m bored. I’d like to think that the very relaxed rules about cellphone use are not the problem of someone of my generation and it’s just a young-person-thing, but the other day I took a friend to lunch and she spent half of it on the phone. As the one paying for both of us, I was a little affronted and I consider it very rude behavior. She’s 47.

I used to text my teenage sons during the day with little messages like, “Have a great day!” and such, but then I learned that mom texting you is, like, so not cool and that I’m a creeper for having done so. Hmmph. I don’t really know what a creeper is but I assume it’s not good.

There you go. I spent most of a recent series of evenings attending the LGBT film festival, and that same week there was a non-zero possibility of some kind of a crisis happening that I might have to be involved with immediately. I told the other people involved to text me, not phone me, because that way I could discreetly judge during a movie if it was something that could wait or if I had to leave the theatre and deal with it immediately.

I definitely use mine as a security blanket when I’m alone. If I walk by a crowd of corner boys if I’m pretending to text or looking at my phone I’ll be ignored far more often than otherwise.

I think perhaps they are overly tolerated in certain situations. For example, my students (17+) think it’s acceptable to answer their phones in class. I don’t even get angry with them, I’m just incredulous that they think that that is acceptable. I had been thinking of being a prick about it from next semester on with a big “No Phones, No Bebo/Myspace During This Class” notice. If they don’t want to pay attention to what I’m trying to teach them I don’t understand why they turn up.

Answering your phone and conducting a conversation while at the checkout with a queue forming is another stupid habit that is rather common.