Chain of Stupidity

The BBQ Pit
1

It usually takes not one, but a series of mistakes to get yourself in serious trouble.

One of our barn walls is pushed out a little bit to far from the cinder blocks it rest on. This is the result of stacking to much hay against it.

I bought a chain rated for 850 pounds and wrapped it around a beem. I braced my pickup truck, attached a comealong to it, and atached the chain to the comealong.

I’ll just pull the wall back into place. Simple.

Of course I was probably well over the 850 pound limit, but hey , they always make these chains stronger than they say, don’t they?

The chain snapped and came flying towards me. I narrowly avoided decapitation, as the wicked dent in the side of my truck attests to the force of the chain’s reflex manuever.

I cleaned up after stupidity and went up to the house.

Mrs. Scylla pointed out that my leg was bleeding.

Embedded in the meat to the right of my left shin was a piece of the link from the broken chain. It was in there about half an inch. Didn’t hurt at all.

Well, I’ll just pull this out.

Then it really started to bleed, and I mean it started to bleed in a way that made me wonder just how much blood I had to spare.

On the way to the hospital pressing a paper towel against m shin as hard as I could, with my daughter screaming in the back, and my wife screaming in the front that I was ruining the upholstery in her Durango, and later at the hospital while I was geting my tetanus shot, I was able to relfect on the follies of exceeding breaking strain, and the reason why there are such things as load limits. I also learned that is generally a bad idea to yank foreign objects out of your body once they’ve become embedded there.

Now that I think of it, the wall could have fallen on me, or the roof collapsed. I could have been hit with the chain and killed. The truck could have slid and crushed me. I had no business attempting a dangerous and professional job as an underequipped and ignorant amateur.

In summation, I am one lucky dumb motherfucker.

2

You almost made the Darwin Awards… glad to see you’re OK mate.

3

CF has a good point, we should have tags so that if one of us does something exceedingly stupid/rackless/careless and ends up deleting ourselves from the available gene-pool, the rest of us will know who it was.

'Course, the Darwin Awards only go to dummies, so no one here should have to worry.

Now, I think I can fix my monitor with some Coke, a sponge and a piece of copper tubing, if I just hold it…
<ZAP>
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
<sizzle sizzle crisp crisp>

4

yep.
Oh, did you want more than agreement?
How about a similar idiot chain of events?

Way back in the dorm days (mid 70’s). I was a smoker (first dumb thing). I was on the phone, smoking. Finished call and cig at same time. Stubbed out cig and emptied ashtray (second dumb thing).

Wastebasket was a metal, with paper bag lining it. It started smoking (and it was TOO young to smoke, too!). I thought (probably 3rd dumb thing) “I’d better get rid of this!” (instead of say, pour water in there?). So, was about to grab the wastebasket itself, when I stopped and thought (you’re not going to believe this one) “oh-oh, that metal will get hot once the flame starts going and would burn my hand…” (here’s the REALLY bone head one coming)

“So, I’ll remove the PAPER bag that’s now burning, from the metal trash and CARRY THE BURNING PAPER BAG down the hall the the incinerator chute in the wall”. Naturally the air flowing into the paper bag accelerated the burning process, so by the time I got to the incinerator, actual flames were showing, I had just barely enough time to push it into the wall. It’s also interesting to note that by going to the incinerator, I passed by the kitchenette where there was a BIG kitchen sink with (ahem) water available.

Well, it flamed up in the incinerator and set off the fire alarm… (quickly checking to insure the statute of limitations has expired).

Feel better?

5

Scylla, buddy, you’re no country boy! Here in the country, when we plan on exceeding the load limit of our chains and winches (and wenches) we always hang a tire or two from the chain, and wrap the middle in towels. That way when it snaps, the tire kills any recoil, and the towel contains (or at least slows) the shards.

–Tim

6

Scylla -

Glad to know you lived to tell the tale and laugh about it.

It’s only Tuesday and you’ve already learned more than most people learn in one week. Let’s see:

  1. There is not resolution 602P regarding gov’t charges for email.
  2. Stress and load limits on mechanical equipment are not simply suggestions.
  3. You probably ought not perform medical procedure on yourself.
    Just one question on my mind… if that stunt with the chain and truck did work, what was your plan to keep the wall in it’s new (old) position? I mean, you’d dug and poured the foundation outside the barn and had the beam braces ready to place, right?
7

Ummm. Actually I figured that since stacked hay pushing against it moved it out, and that since once the hay was gone it staed there, that al I had to do was pull it back and it would stay.

I take it you think this may not have been a safe assumption?

8

Sylla’s use of “Chain of stupidity” led me to writing this little song, with most sincere apologies to Clay Walker:

Roughly to the tune of "Chain of Love"

He was lookin’ at that wall, and he wanted it to lean
When a thought crossed his mind “bet I could pull that beam”!

He could see that it was warped, standin’ out from the blocks,
Then he said “I’ll buy a chain, and hook it to my truck.”
It’s only rated for 850, but I’m gonna press my luck,
He must’ve seen one hundred lives pass by as the chain whizzed by his head,
He was lucky it only hit his truck, or he’d probably be dead!

A piece got lodged, yep- stuck in pretty good
Watching it bleed all over really ruined his wife’s mood!

As she drove him to the ER, his leg bleeding on her floor,
I heard her say “Stop bleeding! You’re coating everything with gore!”

{The message board was happy,
That he posted his lament.
How could we ever thank him?
For preventing our own bodies from dent?
(and he said)}

[Clay Walker sappy twang]

You don’t owe me a thing; I’ve been there to
And someone once helped me out
Just the way I’m helping you
If you really want to pay me back
Here’s what you do
Don’t let the chain of dumb end with you!
[/Clay Walker sappy twang]

Zette

9

Actually, I would have pulled out the shard myself. You didn’t know how deep it was embedded, right? Besides, how could you know that it had gone into a blood vessel?

If it helps, my biggest Darwin moment was when I did a brake job without brake tools. FYI: the springs in a drum brake setup can store a lot of energy. If you do things just right, this can result in your punching yourself in the eye with a pair of Vice-Grips. This in turn will cause you to dance around an apartment parking lot yelling at yourself for being such a dumbass.

It’s been over a decade by now, so I’m sure the statute of limitations has expired.

10

I gather this is a load bearing wall. I don’t mean the hay load, I mean the roof load. Right?

If so, even if you had managed to straighten the wall with the chain and winch, you would have forced the opposite wall out of plumb. That roof up there isn’t floating in mid air you know… it’s pressing down pretty hard on those walls.

My best advice to you is this:

Consult a local contractor. Most likely he will recommend supporting the wall with some kind of external beams. You may be able to get away with just a additional diagonal cross member inside the building. It would have to run from the top of the leaning wall diagonally down to the opposite wall’s foundation. You might not even need a beam. One of those heavy metal stays with a turnbuckle to adjust tension may do the trick, and perhaps even straighten the wall a bit. It’s hard to know the solution without looking at the actual state of the structure.

In short, we’ve grown accustomed to your name. Please don’t do anything to make us celebrate it posthumously. Consult a professional. You may be able to do all the work yourself but a little good advice never hurts.

11

Zette:

That was hilarious.

Quicksilver:

Don’t worry, I’m not messing with that wall anymore.

12

not that I’m a conspiracy-minded type, but is there evidence of Nazi groundhog involvement here??