There is a gulf in misunderstanding racism. Many folks were raised to believe that in order to be a racist, you have to put on a white hood, yell epithets in public, directly antagonize black people, and maybe start a militia. I know this because much of my biological family is like this, including my own white southern parents, and only getting worse as the relations get more distant from me.
If you didn’t do those things, then by their lights, you could say things like “n*ger toes” and it would just be a silly anachronism. Hey, it’s not like I burned a cross, right? I’m just saying a funny thing other funny people have said. You’re basically saying I’m a card-carrying member of the KKK, which makes you the real racist for raising the subject.
Needless to say, those folks squall like stuck pigs every time you point out an actually-racist that they say or do. It’s not real offense, it’s a pose to duck accountability, and to avoid ever understanding the other side of the coin.